i’m gonna ask a stupid question.
it may get me dragged but i’ll ask if nonetheless:

Do gay males “do” romance?

or what does romance look like for males in the life?
i’m sorry if this sounds terrible but i’m so used to hookups,
and open relationships
i mean if we gonna keep it all the way 110,
some straight wolves aren’t romantic or “being a gentlemen” even when they’re dating vixens.
it started when they were younger and got roasted for even liking a girl.
you know how it went.
older brothers and cousins literally embarrassing them for being lovey dovey.
so i saw this video circulating on twitter and…

did he…
take his shirt off?
was it that critial?
am i not a gentleman?

this happened in atl and the tiktok already has 2 million views:

@pocablasiannHe’s such a gentleman ##fypシ ##atlantageorgia ##datenight ##lovestory♬ Ameno Amapiano – Remix – Goya Menor & Nektunez

i mean,
let’s be real

When males are realllllly into someone,
we’ll do some interesting shit once we get comfortable.

i’ve seen it.
i had dudes holdin’ doors open for me and it confused me but i went with it.
so what does “being a gentleman” look like for gay/bi males tho?

are we even accepting of any kind of romantic gesture?
or is that too heteronormative for us?
and if we aren’t supposed to be into that,
isn’t that being more hetero since some straight males don’t do that kinda shit either?
i dunno…

i think i’d like a wolf to romance my brown ass than being fucked stupid all the time but…

Is that “too gay” to even be a thing in this life?


lowkey: i‘d go even farther and ask what does love look like for us too?

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.


  1. Honestly, it depends on what you consider romance. Someone else already made the point about how much one is serious about love and what you are raised seeing, but truly romance is not just what T.V. and novels say it is. Not everyone needs flowers, candlelight and a hot bath. It’s what you and your partner find intimate and special. Something that shows they care and listen to you and your desires.

    I think the idea that romance is dead (whether straight or gay) is from the change in relationship dynamics today. A lot of people don’t truly want to put in the hard work of a relationship because of the chance it’ll backfire if things don’t work out. Then you risk getting your heart broken, having spent all this time+effort+money, and then get called out for being caught up or thirsty or called a simp. People don’t want to risk all of that, so they protect themselves by not putting all of that into their relationship plus trying to have a back up option or exit strategy. And with the ease of being able to get what they want out of someone today (sex, gifts, trips) they don’t really feel the need to put in the work and dedicate themselves when someone else is ready to give them surface level satisfaction. Remember that one girl who tried to shame a dude for asking her favorite color and instead wanted him to just take her to Dubai? Why get to know someone intimately when y’all can just go on a trip/shopping, then get it in?

  2. Depends on the ppl. Society has told WOMEN that this is how men are supposed to treat them, thus, many gay men adopt the thinking, because of the gay obsession with heteronormativity. The big difference is the fact that there is no woman in a relationship between 2 males.

        1. Lol. I’m not saying I won’t hold an umbrella that keeps us both dry, but I’m not getting soaked so that he can be dry. If THAT keeps me in the single pile, so be it.

  3. Yes gay males can be romantic in relationships my ex-boyfriend was very romantic . I remember he used to cook for us and we will have candle night dinners and I used to find that romantic. He will also do my hair and I cut my hair or relax my hair it those small little thinks that I find romantic in gay relationship. I will take him out to dinner and movies or buy him gift or bring him his favourite chocolate bar or cake

  4. Interesting question. For me, all I need from a man is to look me in my eyes when we’re making love and tell me I’m beautiful. I guess it’s different for everyone

  5. I definetely think some of us do ! We (gays) are generally presented as emotional creatures. I think the real issue is to display it in public.

  6. It honestly depends on the man, how he was raised and how serious he is about love. I think gay men can be romantic but it’s probably last on a list that requires them to be so many other things. In the black gay world, I think they are still fighting to be seen and accepted for however they decide to show up in this world. There so much stigma and baggage that black gay men are carrying that it blocks them from being vulnerable, tender and loving. I exclude myself from that because I’m doing the work to be a healed whole man that is ready to live without the bullshit society gives us. Whatever bullshit comes is just what 2 people have to work out because nobody is perfect and you have to compromise and accept certain flaws in order to have something wonderful. I’m a hopeful romantic so I eagerly wait the day that I can shower love and intimacy with my man and vice versa. But it’s all apart of the courting and dating process and not the let’s play games and fuck process lol. I’m not afraid to look outside my own race for it either unfortunately.

    1. “It honestly depends on the man, how he was raised and how serious he is about love.”

      Whether gay/straight, if you are raised among savages, you will act/present yourself like one. If you are raised around civilized folks, you will act/present yourself the same.

      I am still amazed that folks look at me like I have my head twisted on wrong if I utter the words “good morning/hello” when I speak to them. You would think I asked them to get naked or something.
      So something as simple as a genuine gesture being taken the wrong way, makes me believe that some folks aren’t capable of being romantic, no matter how much they try to front.

      But that’s just me.

  7. Jamari, the majority of men will never free themselves from being the lustful robots society molded them into.

    So the few men who have hearts and allow feelings besides anger and jealousy make it seem like “there’s hope”. But there isn’t much of it.

    Most of the good ones are being taken advantage of by someone trash or have been hurt too many times and morphed into fboys.

    At this point, I really don’t see it for me. I care too much about people who wouldn’t visit me if I was sick. It’s like you have to prove why you deserve to be respected. And even then you have to do 150% while they do 0%.

    Most humans are not worth it. The few good ones give us the illusion that we shouldn’t generalize. But maybe we should! We give humans we haven’t met the benefit of the doubt. Why? What motivation do people, especially men have to treat women and gay men with love, care and respect..when they can get away with not doing so.

    How many “Why do I let you put me through this?” texts will be sent this year.
    Is that supposed to make him pity?
    That guy who posted the video laughing about a girl not knowing she’s going to get ghosted after he leaves a hookup..are we really acting like that’s not the majority of men?

    Why do men get the benefit of the doubt..without proving it????

  8. Jamari
    I couldn’t imagine your romantic being totally repressed, no matter the wolf’s emotional or physical access or inaccessibility.
    The late night door scratchers and window tappers that just want to screw and hook up, indeed, does get tiresome at times.
    A lot of people do, just want a hug and to be held. Touch is a aphrodisiac.

  9. I’m here for the comments because I too would like to know what “being a gentleman” look like for gay/bi males

    1. I don’t think it looks much different from what you see with straight couples. My idea of romance is two people in love who consistently make the effort to make the other person feel special. To me that doesn’t have a gender.

      1. ^does that consist of flowers?
        opening doors?
        walking under umbrellas?

        i just want to know because i wouldn’t be opposed to that tbh

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