I’m Over It

rain_forest_by_jakejk-d6hpf1ecan i be honest with everyone?
i feel like i need to be…

this weekend i felt over it.
insecurities flying high.
i woke up at 3am on saturday morning and started crying.
i hate that i have to admit that.
i kept asking myself:

“how can i be this good worker,
doing everything and getting compliments,
but why is liar liar fucking with me?”

i was down this weekend.
i won’t lie.
i had to remember something tho.
something that was brought to my attention

“a test is designed to challenge my weakness.
everyone has a trouble spot.
when the enemy hits it,
your knees buckle.”

tumblr_inline_mqm9fkya8C1r3st38td jakes just said that and i literally hollered out.
it makes so much sense.
its not that i’m a terrible worker.
its not that i’m not a good person.
this is a test that i haven’t learned yet.
i haven’t learned to stop taking things so personally.
stop thinking with my emotions.
stop giving my loyalty to idiots.
stop thinking everyone is like me and will think like me.
some people are just evil and bitter.
it has nothing to do with me.
when i was told they thought i was gay,
surprisingly that did not bother me.
this bitch lying on me and trying to fuck with my money,
very reminiscent to my last job,
had me feeling crippled.
feeling like i would lose my job and be broke again.
new yawk is an at will state.
meaning they could fire you for no reason at all.
you could do a good job and they can still let you go.
that is what scares me the most,
but if that ever happens…

Does that mean I curl up in a ball and die?

no.
that means i need to start working on my career now.
this job is making me realize that i’m more than this.
i’m more than being someone’s slave.
making money to make someone else richer.
liar liar and co see this.
they want to bring me down to their level.
i want more from my life and this test,
this situation that has me feeling over it,
is just a feeling.
i am blessed and no weapon formed against me will prosper.
this is a temporary stop until my next move.
tumblr_lxpbwq0AYH1qzcq51o1_r2_500somehow or another,
this will work out for my good.
#dontjudgeme.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

17 thoughts on “I’m Over It

  1. I surrender all,all to thee,my blessed savior,I surrender all.Keep humming and saying these words when the devil starts fires, he who is all evil, knows when your are about to get a break thru,and will use all he can to stop you from blessing god, and praying to god , because only with true prayer and worship will you win over ,all that the most evil one has planned, J you are called and not many will be (yes lord) fires only come to those chosen, and you are God’s chosen one be strong, respect all, love all, keep a watchful eye on all, stay blessed continue to bless all who come to your house, (web page) This to Shall Pass, continue to show us your family(web page) how we must deal with people in a correct , true and blessed way ,love to you thru spirit that travels thru the air, kiss on both cheeks.

  2. You are already letting her win, which is what you cannot allow. She is affecting you outside of work. When you are not on your job, your mind should be free from all work and your co-workers. You are quiet, you keep to yourself, and most importantly you get your work done. You grindin trying to get that paper and she is trying to mess with your flow. Don’t let her break you man.

  3. Don’t let that bitch take your joy, while you are home going thru the turmoil she Is causing you she’s at home resting peacefully. That’s what evil people do keep your mind body and sprit all the up. Smile in that bitch’s face, show a positive demeanor In the office, do your work above expectations and keep it moving. Once people see how cool and hardworking you are all of her lies crumble.

  4. As Mikey said…do not let anyone take/steal your joy. Do not allow them to take you out of character. Continue to be the person you are. Keep your interactions limited to work related things, this way you have a little drama as possible.
    As The Man stated…once you leave the workplace, that should be THE LAST THING on your mind! Learn to separate the two. It will help you maintain peace of mind.
    Once I leave my job, that place is a distant memory until the next morning and/or work day. If I’m on vacation…that place is DEFINITELY not on my mind! LOL
    You’ll be fine, dude!

  5. Don’t let That stress you out. You have to focus on what makes you happy, as well as make sure you keep excelling at work, so that you can move forward to something better. When you clock out, you leave That at work. Never allow That to come into your homelife.

  6. These unfortunate things do happen but you have to keep your chin up. I think though you can’t always be daggers drawn with her, considering you now work together and your boss might notice the tension. For all you know, all this negative energy from her might just be because she is intimidated by you and your work ethic. In which case I suppose you might need to find a way to charm her or get her to feel more relaxed around you. It’s either that or she’s a down right bastard, in which case she’d be just as obnoxious to everyone else. I know you read, perhaps you could read (if you haven’t already) Dale Carnegie’s classic ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’. It’s a good book that is more about influencing people to get what you want from them than it is about making friends. Best wishes dealing with this (her) situation. I have a feeling it’ll be a temporary arrangement anyway.

  7. Start looking for another job stat! That way if anything happens, you already will either have another job or something in the works. Everybody is not going to like you, and that’s there business. As a fellow city dweller I totally get that. You’re there to work, not make friends, or win a popularity contest… You’re very volatile right now… A lot of things outside of work seem to be going on in your life that you have no control over, but because work is tangible its becoming the blame for the breakdown. You have to be stronger than your situation, that’s how you keep getting through them. You’re gonna be ok I promise….

  8. I don’t think you need to go look for another job. Every job has it’s drama. Stay there, let’s that hoe know her place, and win no matta what!

  9. Hey Jay sorry to hear that you are having a hard time at work. Clearly this is something that truly bothering you because you have become restless about it.

    Maybe its the insanity in me but how about you try to befriend your enemy, its probably to some the dumbest move that you can do however, I’ve learned that letting someone see and know that you aren’t a threat can make it easier for you while you maneuver out of a tight situation. Humble yourself enough to recognize that you have to keep ya enemies closer. So just be fake and maneuver.

  10. Mr. Fox, I can relate to your work experiences as I’ve had similar experiences like you have with liar liar. The things that I’ve learned about myself and how to deal with situations like this would not have happened without those experiences. What makes it easier, not easy, but easier is to assign a value on it. Is she really worth the mental and emotional energy worrying about what will happen or how it will happen? No, it is not.

    Many of your supporters have given you sound advice. Keep shinning, do a great job, smile in her face and be office polite, and do your best. After all of that, what else can you do? You can’t or won’t change her. What you can do is change your own mind. You must decide that she is not going to be worth you losing your free time to obsess over her shenanigans. You must know your own worth and your own unique professional contributions and rest your hat there not on her.

    I don’t want you to feel helpless or hopeless in this situation because that will only invite the negativity in. You need a power greater than yourself to know that you are protected and blessed. Whatever your spirituality is, you need to depend on it now more than ever. Let that be your guide and your refuge now. Your higher power would NOT bring you to this place to fail so don’t fail your higher power. Be thankful that you are now working and things are looking up. Keep your mind on the positive.

    In a different post, you mentioned you called a prayer line. Continue to do that. Keep yourself in prayer as well. Recently, I had some of my own things and I went to the St. Jude website and left a prayer request there. He really helped me. I know prayer works and changes things. I’m not even Catholic or traditionally Christian for that matter.

    In closing, I just want you to be encouraged and stay the course. Into everyone’s life some rain must fall. Don’t fret over the rain use your spiritual umbrella to keep you safe.

  11. Great comments here. What can I add? Probably not much but give it a shot.
    Keep working hard and documenting all communications with her. I strongly urge you to keep a journal — nothing crazy. Just note what she said, when and where. You might need this journal to take her knife out of your back later. “Well, boss, she said I didn’t finish the assignment on time? Well, according to my calendar here, and I take good notes, she said it was not due for another week.” You get the idea. In the meantime be pleasant to her and business friendly and don’t kiss her ass. Give this situation up to God. When you leave work, go hang out with friends, exercise, fuck your brains out, read a good book, take a walk …anything you need to do to keep up your spirits. DO NOT TAKE WORK HOME WITH YOU. They pay you to worry about them DURING WORK HOURS LOL!. Under no circumstances do what BLACKTOPDE9 said and try to do underhanded shit to get her back. That’s just HIGH FAGGOTRY and karma is a bitch — it will come back on you. If things don’t improve try to stick out your job about a year (believe me the time will go fast — it’s already summer), put out resumes and find something else. But keep in mind, as a previous person wrote, there will be SHIT at every job no matter how nice it looks. And the higher you move up the more SHIT you have deal with. So learn how to put on an emotional raincoat and let that slime roll off your back. You can do it. You are a strong dude. I knows this.

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