can i be honest with everyone?
i feel like i need to be…
this weekend i felt over it.
insecurities flying high.
i woke up at 3am on saturday morning and started crying.
i hate that i have to admit that.
i kept asking myself:
“how can i be this good worker,
doing everything and getting compliments,
but why is liar liar fucking with me?”
i was down this weekend.
i won’t lie.
i had to remember something tho.
something that was brought to my attention…
“a test is designed to challenge my weakness.
everyone has a trouble spot.
when the enemy hits it,
your knees buckle.”
td jakes just said that and i literally hollered out.
it makes so much sense.
its not that i’m a terrible worker.
its not that i’m not a good person.
this is a test that i haven’t learned yet.
i haven’t learned to stop taking things so personally.
stop thinking with my emotions.
stop giving my loyalty to idiots.
stop thinking everyone is like me and will think like me.
some people are just evil and bitter.
it has nothing to do with me.
when i was told they thought i was gay,
surprisingly that did not bother me.
this bitch lying on me and trying to fuck with my money,
very reminiscent to my last job,
had me feeling crippled.
feeling like i would lose my job and be broke again.
new yawk is an at will state.
meaning they could fire you for no reason at all.
you could do a good job and they can still let you go.
that is what scares me the most,
but if that ever happens…
Does that mean I curl up in a ball and die?
that means i need to start working on my career now.
this job is making me realize that i’m more than this.
i’m more than being someone’s slave.
making money to make someone else richer.
liar liar and co see this.
they want to bring me down to their level.
i want more from my life and this test,
this situation that has me feeling over it,
is just a feeling.
i am blessed and no weapon formed against me will prosper.
this is a temporary stop until my next move.
somehow or another,
this will work out for my good.