i been thinking about this for a while.
so i’m a fraud.
ain’t no better time than to be honest…
i am caught between missing sex and not really searching for it.
my phone is dry af.
everyone around me is banging their lives out.
i’m living vicariously through these hoe tales.
i am still hurt over work wolf.
it has been four months and i still think about him.
they would have gotten over it and onto the next.
i cherish the animals in my life and thought he was special.
he hurt me.
i don’t think i’m an introvert as i assumed i was.
i’m very much an extrovert.
i like being around animals.
i get my energy off them,
but after a while,
i want to be left alone.
i have been loving my quiet time lately.
i have my day 1 animals in my circle,
but i’m cool on staying to myself nowadays.
i don’t want to do anything right now.
i meet so many animals who want me to chill with them,
but i would rather come home and work on the foxhole.
i’m always tired.
like i have no energy.
i take multivitamins daily and i’m still exhausted.
this job is draining my life away.
i catch myself fantasizing about getting good news.
news that will change my life.
winning the lottery.
someone sponsoring my life.
a supernatural blessing that will rock my world.
i find joy in the thought of quitting my job and doing “the dab” out the door.
i’m okay being a side piece.
i get turned on knowing some of you are sneaking to be in the foxhole.
i like that creep life.
i don’t like a lot of attention,
pda is not my thing,
and i need my “me” time so that whole thing works for me.
i’ve been depressed,
but it has been fueling me to be a better fox.
it’s like it’s pushing for productivity.
if i’m ever 100% happy then i won’t be as creative as i am.
i understand what singers talk about.
pain makes the best art.
so i guess this means i can only be happy to a certain limit.
suicide seems like a good idea,
but then i get messages like this last friday:
…and i realize how fucked up it would be if i did it.
i’m just tired,
but i’m working hard on my happiness.
i don’t want to be suicidal anymore.
i find myself resenting mi every day.
my resentment has been burning like a small flame.
at this point,
it’s a fireplace.
family can be the worst kind of betrayal.
i can’t wait until i got it like that.
i’ll wait until she leaves for work,
have the movers get all my shit,
and be off this.
i regret the day i moved her ungrateful ass in my crib.
i’m doing pretty good for someone not addicted to a drug.
i don’t have anything to turn to help me escape but this site.
i’m definitely experiencing life with no anesthesia.
i appreciate the foxholers that speak to me in emails.
i think without their conversations,
i would be in a another side of hell.
thank you for keeping a fox’s sanity in check.
i don’t think anyone will ever love me.
there is a possibility i’ll die alone.
that is one of the other sides of this life.
you may end up without a happy ending.
after the last two foxmails,
i realize i’m not alone either.
lowkey: don’t judge me.