don’t judge me for this entry.
i really needed to vent.
my guess is they want to be released from all the pain they feel.
they don’t want to wait for that “happy ending” that may not happen.
it can be selfish.
i mean you are leaving behind people that give a fuck about you.
in the mind of someone who wants to end it all,
none of that really matters.
i guess thats the selfish part.
…that person is stuck between two places.
in front of you is your dreams of a better life.
you want what your heart desires.
the next place is actually where they are.
stuck in a rut.
the demons have gone buck wild and eating them alive.
you try to fight,
but your mind is telling you that things won’t get better.
its bullying you and making you feel like you aren’t worth it.
you can’t look to the past because all they see is the “fuck ups”.
its no fun feeling like you don’t want to continue on anymore.
i feel like i’m sinking in some kind of emotional abyss.
everything is going completely wrong in my life right now.
did i do something wrong?
am i experiencing some kind of karma?
did someone put voodoo on me?
…wtf is going on?
i need to know so i can apologize?
maybe beg for forgiveness?
i don’t get why this is happening,
but it is.
if its not one thing,
it is definitely the other.
the enemy is attacking me in all directions.
i feel like i am thrown into a grave,
and as i try to climb out,
dirt is being continuously shoveled on me.
bad enough its raining and i keep falling back down.
for the first time in my life,
i have no tears.
i tried to cry when i walked in the door tonight and i couldn’t.
hell even adele didn’t get my tears.
i need the foxhole to pray for me.
i’m going through it real heavy.