How To Bake A Shit Cake

2014-01-06-1484273_10153644175630230_115989653_nwhite people keep one on deck.
corporate america has its own bakery.
you can smell it from the entertainment industry.
don’t even get me started with church.
your mama probably has the ingredients in her shelf.
all mamas do.
who you think taught me?
i see you tho.
yeah i see you.
you reading.
someone hurt your “wittle” feelings and here comes the attitude.
like the obvious attitude.
not theyou’re wearing your sassy pants today” one.
well i’m gonna teach you how to bake a shit cake.
disclaimer: shit cakes are used on people who did you wrong.
if you out here giving your shit cakes to people who don’t deserve it,
don’t be shocked that everyone puts you in a septic tank.
okay here are the ingredients

10% icing made of FAKE SMILE

not everything requires an attitude.
fighting is for common folks and reality stars.
presenting a shit cake does one of two things:

1) disarms the dumb ass
2) confuses the dumb ass

giphy-1see people want you to be mad at em.
they want you to show your ass.
they want to know they got to you.
this is NOT a reality show.
there is no next season starring “you” and k michelle.

i went to a birthday party couple years back.
now i don’t fuck with people,
who fuck with people,
who don’t fuck with me.

thats a rule of mine.
if i am forced to do it,
i baked a lovely shit cake for the event.
someone that did me completely wrong was there.
guess what?
we posed for a picture.
they kept smiling up in my face.
trying to get my number to reconnect.
by how i was acting,
which was just for a couple minutes,
you would have thought things was all good.

giphy i got a text the next day asking:

“oh so ya’ll friends?”

why would i ruin someone’s party?
be remembered as the person who with the attitude?
that is tacky.
look at how mariah carey served a shit cake to tommy mottola and his wife in ‘05:

i can smell it from here!
i have learned over the years the best way to avoid conflict is letting it go.
when two people are turnt up and boxing,
no one knows who the fool actually is.
neither does the police.
hasn’t worldstarhiphop taught you that by now?

lowkey: you gotta be so good at baking a shit cake,
that you can insult someone so dirty,
they won’t figure it out until the next day.
maybe a week later.


mariah carey photo courtesy of: theo wargo/WireImage

mariah carey photo credits goes to owners

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

7 thoughts on “How To Bake A Shit Cake”

    1. ^you have too.
      when you get into your career,
      you are going to really have to use it.
      don’t be like those doctors on married to medicine looking like some clowns out here.
      you should be able to be in the same room as someone you dislike without acting like a high school girl.
      that is the true test of ones character.

  1. I do have a temper. So much so that it affects my attitude toward everyone I come across. I even do it when posting on your blog sometimes. Someone pisses me off and I want to take it out on everyone else. I can’t help it. I have better days. That’s what I hate about life. Everything always seems like it’s getting better. The same goes for my state of mind. I’m riding high on being the bigger person and walking away, not letting others get to me. I’m calm, cool, and collected. Then it’s like some time goes by and I fall right back into my old state of mine. I become sassy and snappy at anyone and anything. Old people, animals, children, I don’t care. No one is exempt. I’m a bit better than I was but I wish my positive “gives no fucks” attitude could last long. Instead I stay miserable with my negative “gives no fucks” attitude. I think my environment and surroundings might be why.

    1. Dang bro…. Have u thought about seeing a therapist? I don’t know u like that but based on what I just read and some previous comments of yours I think it’s about time you let go of some of that anger. Been seeing a therapist for a couple of months now, that stuff works.. Don’t forget to pray too… Who did you wrong?

      1. No, I’ve never thought of seeing a therapist before. I always held the opinion that they didn’t really do much of anything but sit on their ass. I usually use God as a therapist or at least I think I am. I don’t get how therapy works but I’ll consider trying it.

        Who did me wrong? I guess everybody. I was born too receptive. Part of my problem is, I care too much. So when I try to not care, I shut off feelings for any and everything. From battered women to cancer patients. I truly gives no fucks. Then later on, I’m back to my old wimpy self. I realize it’s not okay for me to be that way but I feel like I have to be that way to make it in the world because everyone else acts like they gives no fucks so why should I? I always revert back to my former mentality and am disappointed with myself for being so harsh until something else comes along that makes me say “Wow!, I’m not gonna give a fuck anymore.” That’s also why I have a hard time being a Christian. Most Christians are so fucking fake. I can’t stand em.

        And honestly right now, I’m in that “gives no fucks” mood. Show me a child with cancer and I’ll roll my eyes. The cycle continues. 🙁

        I feel like it’s better if I’m that way. Rather that than give too much of my time and thoughts to selfish cunts. It’s a defense mechanism.

  2. Great post I should start baking shit cakes but it’s can be hard to be around people you can’t stand. What I usually do is if someone did me wrong and I HAVE to be around them I act distant and a little cold. I don’t have attitude unless I need to but I’m not upbeat and smiley around them.

  3. I so, know what you mean, but I just completely ignore them. I know that it was tacky,but I just cant take some people being older than me and cant do simple things.I work in hospitality and that is a lot of personalities to deal with and some days, I just cant do it.

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!

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