He Just Likes That You Answer His Call When He Needs Help

we are powerful.
i can tell just by the comments you leave.
unless you are a hyena who wanders into the foxhole,
the foxhole is a very intelligent bunch.
if we banded together,
we could bring down the nation with the secrets we keep.
so why do we do what we do?
we give our power away to those who don’t deserve it.
the person that calls you every time they need help.
they know you will drop what you’re doing.
in return…?
i got to thinking about something today…

we always end up in these situations with these “question mark” males.
i call them question marks because they leave your ass wondering.
day dreaming.
in this one sided “love”.
the male could be straight.
i’m seeing it with the attentionisto gays/bis.
we are motivated by sex to assist him.
we want to fuck.
he knows this.
we slowly start giving away our power in hopes he does one day.

in reality,
we are enabling him.
enabling this grown ass male to play victim.
he does this because he knows we will be there to help him.
it’s weird,
but if a vixen or someone we deemed “ugly” asked for the same help,
we would charge or press “blocked”.
we gotta stop putting on these “capes” for someone who wouldn’t do the same.
the crazy part?
the same asshole is chasing someone who won’t take them seriously.
so they come to us because they know our noses are wide open.
this grown ass male could as well start asking you to wipe his ass.
deep down inside,
you would.
you love him and his dirty ass drawz.
it’s time to stop playing “house husband”.
getting depressed as he tells tales about all these vixens/gays he is fucking.
besides you.

i think it’s time we all look at ourselves.
as gays,
we get lonely that we start becoming desperate.
it’s time to start realizing what’s sexy.

knowing your worth is sexy
saying “no” is sexy
making whoever work for your attention is sexy
being “difficult” is sexy
pulling his card is sexy
not tolerating bullshit is sexy

you ever notice those who are “werewolves” are desired more?
doormats aren’t.
if he can’t handle you like that,
then he can go.
there is the door.
he doesn’t ever have to speak to you again.
it sounds scary,
but you already settling for scraps of his attention as is.
if he really tries it:

it hit me today.
i’ve been playing “the idiot” to wolves i am attracted to.
i have a big heart and an even bigger sex drive.
i was acting desperate.
the wolves i’m not attracted to in the least tho…
they’re in love with me.
funny how that works.

if i’m wrong in this entry,
please let me know.
i’d love to hear your thoughts.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

18 thoughts on “He Just Likes That You Answer His Call When He Needs Help”

  1. I’ve been thinking about this post ever since you posted it and it’s bothered me in both a good and weird way. I notice I give of myself to others whenever I really really want them to stick around and be there in my life.

    I feel awoken by it especially with the way I was being last year and the years before. I hope to apply the need to drop even the gorgeous ones who fuck up quickly.

  2. You know I’m probably older than a lot of you guys on here. I’ve gone through pretty much all the things you write about in the comments as it relates to being black and gay. One thing that I can pass on to you younger guys is, you have to truly know yourself and what it is you truly want as it relates to another man. If not, you end up in situations like you’re commenting on now. A lot of us spend way too much time trying to find love and be in relationships. Before any of that happens you need to know what does that picture look like for you. Not the picture that society has painted but the one that is going to satisfy you. You need to get some where quiet with a pen an pad and figure out a few things. Like what are you willing to invest into a relationship. For instance, me personally I’m a secret lover type of guy. I don’t want to meet your family, I don’t want to hang around your friends, we are not a public display of affection for everyone who knows us to witness. I don’t want to live together or get married. Not having any kids. What I will invest is I’m there when you need me. Our time together is our time together. I’ll be your emotional support if needed and if able I will help out if a financial situation comes about. I’m monogamous. I’m well groomed. Those are my investments. If you don’t figure out what love feels like to you and what vision you have for a relationship you will always end up in situations that although may look good on the outside, doesn’t fit with who you are as a person. You don’t want to waste time trying to fit a square peg in a round hole just because round holes are ideal and romantic in your daydreams.

  3. Love this post, I’m guilty of a lot of what you wrote and I have multiple stories. This life can be hard you see the straights go out and meet someone Saturday night, but for some of us it’s not that easy. So, when we find a wolf that we like and he gives us some attention, sometimes we fall head over hills. A few weeks ago I went out to a straight club, there were a few dudes who I saw looking at me, but of course I couldn’t make my way over there to talk to them and ask them to buy me a drink, we don’t have that luxury. At work there are a group of wolves that work in this certain department, I always have to go over to them and ask them things pertaining to work, but there are a few that I love to flirt with. One is the supervisor and then it’s about two others. They all identify as straight all have kids, the supervisor is a snow wolf but acts black, and no offense I really don’t like snow wolves but he does something to me. For the last year we flirt heavy, to the point of him rubbing his dick on my ass one time when I wouldn’t move out his way. I have seen his pants when is talking to me and he is hard. It’s been going on for a while and nothing has happened. I have given him hints to come to my place, but he always says oh I have my kids this weekend so I can’t chill. A few months ago I was telling him that he has a nice body, he goes and says why you looking at it like that, boy I was pissed I stopped talking to him for a week, everything was work related from that point, but then he goes and looks in my eyes and say things to make me smile and blush. I swear I don’t get these wolves, but I love the attention that I get from them since I have no dating life. It’s like the straight wolves love flirting with us and getting attention from us but then when it’s time to return the favor it’s nothing.

  4. This entry is nothing but the Sho-Nuff truth as the Old Saints used to say. I have been so guilty of running in behind pretty str8 boyz and a few gay ones as well. I think if most gay men really admit the truth to themselves, we want to be noticed and payed attention too by attractive guys. We are like str8 men who see all women in as someone we could potentially talk too. I think many gay men think the same way when they see a man regardless of his orientation. I remember back in the day in my club days when I would light up like Christmas when a cute dude paid me some attention and be mad when I went out and only trolls gave me props.

    Take it from someone who has ran behind so called str8 boyz doing things for, only left to be holding the bag, and it is even worse when you be there for them and they start to tell you their problems and want your support and you know deep down you could give a Fukk about any of his troubles, you only want his body. So I cant even blame them for using us, because we want to use them as well. It is something about str8 boy forbidden fruit that drives gay men crazy. I can remember this dude who lived in my apartment complex when I was in my early 20’s flirting with me, after he had clocked my roommate at the time for being in the life, so he just assumed I was too. He saw me one night getting things out of my car and offered to help, that offer led to us messing around the same night, when I tell you he became a pain in the ass afterwards, always wanting something or to come chill at my place because his girlfriend he lived with would cuss him out and treat him like crap, maybe she knew he wasnt shit anyway. I have grown so much since those days but I still have a weakness for an attractive str8 dude, I try now not to even entertain them but if one catch me on the right day, I will probably still throw caution to the wind, but only for a little while now LOL.

    1. Tajan boy I love your stories, you have the best. The part you wrote about straight boy forbidden fruit, is story of my life. For some reason I love when straight wolves, treat me like a girl or girlfriend vs treating me like one of the home boys. Is it bad to admit that? I love when they call me shorty or baby instead of calling me by my first name, when they greet me I get the hand shake with the hug and their hands glide down my back. I’ll admit I have boosted their heads up have told them their great when their really average, listen to their problems that they have with their girlfriends and giving them advice. When I cut them off because emotional I’m drained, they always come running back. A year ago one of the wolves at work told me, your not like one of the guys, he said your different and I can’t explain it and he said it’s not a bad thing either.

  5. Lots of truths in this post, I feel like this post goes hand in hand with the foxhole letter a couple posts back. I’ve said before that people have a way of seeing my niceness and using it for their own means.

    I’ve only dealt with what the post talks about from straight/questionable wolves. The ones that zero in on my sexuality and do things to make me question theirs. I’ve had these same kind of guys joke with me in a way that’s always murky or do and say things when it’s just us around. These kind of actions among others would get me in my feelings and have me doing things for them that I shouldn’t have been doing.

    It’s easier for me to tell myself ” I should’ve did this or not done that” but it’s harder when you get yourself in a crush like situation with these kind of wolves and unlike vixens and the straights you don’t have a bunch of options.

    If I had a squad of fuck buddies wolves or to know that I could have another wolf waiting for me around the corner, I believe I would act differently. But when you been alone for awhile and having inner demons and out of no where you get that wolf showing you attention that you’ve been longing for it’s harder to get out it.

    When this kind of situation happens to me again ( because with my history it will ) like I said in the other post, it would be in my best interest to not even go down this road with any more uncertain wolves. I’ma need a wolf who isn’t questionable one who is into men (be it gay/bi/pan whatever) out the gate.

  6. Additionally, any men who dates men should know how men operate. A lot of you all forget men pretty much operate the same, gay or straight, bottom or top.

    Actions say it all. The same way you act when you’re interested in someone will likely be what you can expect from other men that are actually interested in you.

    Most men know immediately if they’re attracted to you. Men go by what they see, while women go by what they hear. So chances are if dude isn’t into you initially, it’s not going to change no matter how much you’re there for him or helping him. He’s just going to take advantage.

    Whether we want to admit it or not, physical attraction is probably 80% of the battle with men into men. Men will pursue what they’re physically attracted to more vigorously and jump through hoops, where as if he’s not interested conversation is short and dry, communication is intermittent, doesn’t respond to your advances, etc

    You’re not going to change his mind lol

  7. These dudes have more game than Mattel…gay and straight.

    A straight man will use a gay dude in a heartbeat because a lot of gay men present themselves as easy marks.

    Most attractive men know they are attractive, especially if they grew up being conditioned to believe they can get away with more than the average person because of their looks. So they can be ass out and broke and pathetic to you, but please believe they know what they have going for them lol.

    Gay men aren’t upfront about their expectations like straight men are. They’ll let him use him and then expect him graciously reward them with some dick or turn gay for them. You played yourself!

    I’ve even met gay men I knew I could come up off of because they obviously based their value on what they possessed and their salaries and made it clear they wouldn’t mind sharing if I gave them scraps of attention.

    I can’t tell you how many men have offered to pay my tuition, move me in their home, or take me on vacations over the years.

    They’ll use you and continue to give the dick to women or if they’re gay, they’ll use you for what you have and fuck men that probably wouldn’t buy them Big Mac.

    1. “Most attractive men know they are attractive, especially if they grew up being conditioned to believe they can get away with more than the average person because of their looks. So they can be ass out and broke and pathetic to you, but please believe they know what they have going for them lol.”

      Very true Jay very true

  8. Wow! This is deep J. I have been really thinking about this EXACT SUBJECT lately. I’m falsely under the impression that if I give a man “things”, show him attention, show him affection, and stroke his ego, then he will see the value in me and want to be with me….BULLSHIT! I’m learning that “nothing ass niggas” don’t appreciate kindness. They want good sex, to be the one chasing, and someone who isn’t clingy. Some of the clingy-ness is tolerated in the beginning, but it gets old quickly.

    1. ^yup!!!!!

      hell sometimes the sex doesn’t even happen.
      we build this male up and he doesn’t even return the favor.
      he is addicted to what we do to him and not us as a whole.
      that’s where it has to either end or we need to re-establish ourselves!

  9. I think you’re spot on Jamari, I’ve been looking even more inward recently and trying to see what I’ve been doing wrong. Self-improvement is an ongoing process.

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