For Some, She Sits Among The Clouds

this is the first mother’s day i’m not depressed.
i’m sure it will be the same with father’s day.
i’m getting better

“they are both in a better place.” – i say.

 i think about star fox more these days,
but i will never forget my mama.
the other day,
i saw her “twin” on the train.
i had no voice to say anything.
i wanted to tell her she looked like my mother.
down to the mannerisms and all.
i just watched her and took it all in.

last thursday night,
i found myself talking to her before bed.
i was more emotionally connected to my mother.
as every fox usually is.
well i started asking her what i should do.
out loud.
there was a lot on my mind and i had no one to turn to.
it ended up with me having a dream about her.
i don’t remember the dream fully,
i just know we were in a car and it was stuck in some mud.
like a lot of mud.
how we were going to get out was anyone’s guess,
but she was there and it made me feel better.
i realized she is always there with me.

tumblr_mkzwtd6TjC1r20jf4o1_250i guess the mud signified where i am at now in my life.

“To see mud in your dream suggests that you are involved in a messy and sticky situation. It also suggests that some spiritual cleansing is needed.”

hmm.
i have to be strong for mi today.
she lost her mother last year and is very withdrawn today.
she has to go through the motions.
first year of losing parentals is always tough.
i lost two so i should know.

i want the foxhole,
who have their mothers,
to treat them extra special today.
she may not be perfect,
but she deserves it.
hell she pushed your big head out for a couple of hours.
for those who don’t have one,
you know that i’m with you.
it’s just a day.
we will get through it the best way we can.
in thought and loving memory of how great she was,
but never forgetting how she’s still there even tho she cannot be seen.

tumblr_inline_mz6ir0sNVo1qas84sbest,
jamari fox.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

8 thoughts on “For Some, She Sits Among The Clouds

  1. Tears dude that was beautiful. You are such a strong individual. Your right your mom was telling you that she is okay, she is proud of you and she knows everything will get better for you. You have been knocked down and faced with so many trials over the years that so many people would have just gave up but your still here and standing and that says so much about you.

  2. Your mother has a lot to be proud of Jamari!
    Yes, it is always nice to take time to appreciate those who love us, especially our mothers. Not just on a commercial holiday where its more obligatory, but everyday or any day.
    No one will love you like your mother, whether they are still here or have passed away, to even have that experience is a blessing.
    I’m glad this year wasn’t as hard for you J! Time heals most wounds, or at least, makes it not seem so bad.

    S/N: She is definitely sending you a message! She doesn’t want you to be miserable or in the mud anymore. She’s telling you to jump in the sea and shake it off because its your time, and you’re ready!
    She’s guiding you!

  3. That was nice, you are independent, creative, and most of all loving. You created this space for not only your thoughts but other like minded foxes and wolves with no cave to go to. Your mom is definitely proud of the man you have become.

  4. Everything is going to work out for you man in the long run. Your mom would be proud of the person you are.

  5. Wassup J! U’ve been on my mind the whole day man…. I’m pretty sure your mom is very proud of the young man you have become.

    Love you little bro!

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