Have you ever noticed how we try to find flowers in the trash?

last night,
i caught up with a friend who are is in the middle of separation/divorce.
sadly,
she has latched onto a rebound.

A jackal that she knows is a complete disaster.

at 37,
with two kids,
weight gain from stress,
and insecurities eating away at her…

She’s convinced this one bad wolf is all she can get.

as she detailed his disrespect:

Comparing her to IG attentionistas (when he is no IG attentionisto himself)
Manipulating and gaslighting her with mental health episodes
Telling her he might like it when they have sex due to her size

i couldn’t help but say:

“You haven’t told me one good thing about this guy.
It’s like you’re excited to share how awful he is.”

she froze but i think it helped her brain start working again.
it got me thinking:

Why do we do this?

i’m no stranger to to trying to find flowers in trash.
aside from a few “good” moments we might have shared,
i’ve always been eager to talk/font about how terrible my own jackals were.
the mind games,
the uncertainty,
the drama…
it was like i thrived on telling others so they could convince me these jackals were mistakes.

a past friend once told me:

“If you wouldn’t recommend him to someone else,
why are you trying to date him?”

sometimes,
it takes someone else to make us see the truth…

…but why do we need someone else to give us that wake-up call in the first place?