f0xmail: HELP! I MAY HAVE BEEN RAPED?!

ever so often i get a fox mail that makes me stop in my tracks.
i turn my music/television off.
i sit in silence.
i get into that zone.

“how can i help this person?”

i start to breathe and gather my thoughts.
i got the following mail today and i had to post this immediately:

I need advice.

I recently was at my roommate’s birthday party and got really drunk. I am only 19 and that was my second time drinking. Well a few weeks later well today i was told by a person from Jackd that he basically heard that I was raped by a few fraternity guys. I didnt believe him until he described my bedroom and alot more things to identify. I would like to know what steps can I take if any to help this situation. When i attempted to get information from him he said he would not tell me and blocked me on that site. What can I do cause I have no evidence except I was hurting the next day and I have no way of contacting him again.

I really am feeling like giving up entirely.

MY ADVICE…

ok first of all…
rape is a serious thing.
gang raped especially.
i would imagine that you would KNOW that you were assaulted.
people who rape others do not think about using lube.
so bleeding and extreme tearing would definitely occur.

you didn’t get in depth with your email,
so i don’t know the nature of the incident.
immediately go to the doctor.
seek an hiv test and make sure that is taken care of.
tell the doctor everything.
she/he will be your witness.
let them know exactly what brought you in.
rule number one.

secondly,
why is he contacting you to tell you about your bedroom?
isn’t that odd?
how do you know the assailant isn’t a gang of horny frat boys…
…but just one person?
the one who contacted you on the social site to relay a message like that?
why is HE telling you all the details?
doesn’t that pin him as a key witness in the crime?
he is clearly an idiot or someone who wants to work you up.

this is when you go and file a police report of harassment.
give all the details to the police about what occurred in the conversation.
screen shot and email to yourself what was said.
that is his testimony.
i would give the screen name because the police will track it.
always get copies of anything you signed.
make copies of anything you give the police as well.
they will want to know why it took you so long to come in?
tell the truth.

why did it take you so long to go in?
especially after you were hurting?
if something didn’t feel right with my body,
especially when it comes to in between my cheeks.
i’m going to investigate.
AFTER a drunken night of partying and i didn’t bring a wolf home with me
,
that is a sign of concern.
the police WILL ask you this.
be prepared with an answer.

this is all i can give you since i don’t know details.

do not give up.
you cannot drop to pieces.
you have to be strong and use your brain.
do not go into the police station an emotional wreck.
go in there like you were violated and you want heads to roll.

comment box.
go…

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

30 thoughts on “f0xmail: HELP! I MAY HAVE BEEN RAPED?!”

  1. Great advice Jamari but something is not adding up. Like Jamari said I’m pretty sure if you were raped there would be some sort of soreness or bleeding. That should have alerted right then and there. Also did you ask your roommate or whoever else is at the party what happened that night or who they saw you with. I’m pretty sure if you were that drunk people would notice what was going on.

    On another note why are you on Jack’d anyway. How do you know the person who sent you this message. Have you had previous encounters/messages or is this just a random. This could be some psycho stalker trying to go with you or the one who actually raped you.

    Overall just go to the doctor and have yourself examined. Let’s hope if you were raped the assailant used protection….if not they can find traces of semen in your rectum and test it for HIV.

  2. If you were raped u need to go to the doctor, and make sure you get some PEP in case any of the offenders didnt use protection…

  3. Yea i think if you lead a promiscuous life style (in no way would that justify what happen) you gonna be written of as some gay man looking for attention. Still trying to understand how you did not know you was group fuck, you ass would have been torn the fuck up cause as jamari said during rape lub and condoms are usually scarce. Alot not adding out

  4. That letter is bullshit. His ass would have been sore as all get out and possibly bleeding too unless he was already wide open from fucking alot. No matter how drunk he was he would have had some recollection. Did he wake up nude? Was there old, watery nutt coming out his ass? Was his bed messed up? The only solution is that he was drugged and blacked out. But folks had to be complicit in that and shit folks talk so that would have gotten out. Good advice to him Jamari, though. If he was truthful.

  5. I had a whole paragraph earlier but I decided not to post it because I don’t believe this story due to the lack of details, and nobody gets raped in the ass and is unaware of it unless they are a loose goose. It’s just a lot of things wrong with this.

    1. When a person is intoxicated rape is hard to prove because you don’t know if you gave that person consent. The police will not be able to do anything about that. Date rape is the hardest to prove.
    2. Who reports a possible rape after several weeks? Rape is supposed to be reported ASAP even if a person only suspects they were raped.
    3. As tight as an asshole is it’s no way in hell a man will be raped and not know it. They WILL be signs of a forced entry.

  6. Okay since people assume that I am lying why would I make this up. I dont have all the information because I wasnt in my right mind. I dont ever need you to pour your heart out to me again. On jackd once you get blocked you cannot see them anymore. The info. I gave you was what I was given by the person that said I was attacked.

    1. One thing i expected from all of you on here is support but obviously I was wrong I went to the policy already. I am going to get checked. I found out today this happened to me. Yes the day after I was in serious pain but I just thought it was from drinking my bad. However fuck all of your opinions. Have a great day.

      1. ^why are you getting mad at everyone?
        these people may not have believed because of the details,
        but they reached out and gave you advice that could help you,
        or anyone for that matter.

        you could have come on like an adult and explain.
        I figured you may not have wanted to go into detail because of the nature.
        with that being said,
        you cannot get mad at us for the lack of details YOU provided.
        then,
        you out yourself by going ape shit in the comment box.

      2. Dude we feel you, all we’re saying is make sure you’re safe and get the username of the person that contacted you prior , ask your roommate about details an if he knows any group of people that went into your room with you , once you identify the fraternity alert the office of Greek life at your school and dean of student life. Praying for ya lil homie

    2. Nobody believed this because the LACK of details shy guy. Is this the story you listed in the post what told the police today? When it comes to rape every detail is important. The time? The place? Were you aware of your surroundings? Were you intoxicated? If you were intoxicated you don’t know what the hell happened. You could have gave consent to those men and didn’t even know it. We all have an inner hoe and if you were drunk you could have told those men lets do it. When a person is under the influence they are usually out of character and unaware of their actions. If people know about your sexuality, then getting drunk around strangers is a no no and this is not just for you but for EVERYBODY, especially if you are around other men. You don’t get drunk around people you don’t know period. If you’re in college and you just met your roommate this year, then you were silly for attending a party with a person you barely even know. I keep telling people in college you don’t know your roommates and new friends from a can of paint. In my dormitory last year friends were stealing from friends. Shoes, money, clothes, ipods ended up missing because people were so easy and weak minded to trust their “friends” that they have only known for weeks and these so called “friends” were stealing their shit.

      I know the police didn’t like the fact that you were drinking and getting drunk at your age. I know they asked you why you were drinking in the first place. I bet a million dollars they told you today that it wasn’t much they could do for you. The situation is so off it’s unbelievable and almost far fetched. Go and get an HIV test and learn from the experience.

      Oh and another thing. You can’t expect us to support you when you don’t even know if you were raped from the start and you still don’t. Most people are fatigued, sore, and tired the day after getting drunk anyway. You still didn’t tell us where you were in pain at? This is why no one believed you. Give more details man. You were possibly raped you should have plenty to type.

      1. Wow If he is telling the truth, its very unfortunate that you have doubly victimized a possible sexual assault survivor. Your interrogations were not for his benefit but more to assert your own disbelief. Keep it real! The harm that was just caused is inexcusable, especially when you have disregarded the courage this young man had to even write you concerning his alleged assault. I was disgusted knowing that even in this forum, consisting of socially marginalized men, we perpetuate misogynist rape culture by blaming the victim once again.

      2. Yeah I hear yall thanks. Lets clear up somethings shall we. One the event was a birthday party in my apartment where I pay bills at. At the party of course there was a lot of underage drinking. I had way to much to drink and based off of what people said I was taken to my room by a close friend of all of my roomates whom where the designted care takers that night. Okay according to my roommates and other friends at the party it started getting out of hand and we had almost 200 people in my small four bedroom apartment. Apparently the noise level had gotten way to high and thr police were called at that time in normal fashion especially if you were underage you hid any and everywhere you could. Now by that time I was already asleep my door however was unlocked because people wanted to check on me cuz im new to drinking basially. the next day I was in horrible pain I couldnt walk at all my ass felt like it had been entered but when I felt to see it was just clean and wet Idk how to explain it. Jump forward cuz like I said other than what I just said Idk what happened. 2 Weeks past and im on jackd im not a hoe I dont fuck around with people on there so fuck all dat. Anywho, I am online chatting and this profile(btw I did report) says hey wanna fuck I give some lame ass excuse as to why I dont wanna even see them. He responds “smh” and I ask what was that for. He says I remember you from the party. I respond what party? He says the one at yout house

        1. @TheMan.. unfortunately your response demonstrates clear victim blaming,
          @yngblkwolf..the empathy and concern you exhibited should be a model of how society should begin to view victims of sexual assault. Many times victims are fearful, shamed, and not clear of how to approach an understanding of what happened to them. Those feelings prevent victims of sexual assault from coming forth. Coupled with being scared rape victims have to undergo unfair interrogation. Society asks victims to re-evaluate their behavior or appearance, assessing the probability of rape was due to these factors. How about turning that around and evaluating the predatory behavior of assailants and factors that have made them more likely to assault.

      3. I responed asking do I know you? He says no but I know you my frat said that you were date raped or getting raped at the party while I was there. I went upstairs myself and I saw u on the bed and he described my room. I say okay of this is true can you tell me who did it. He responds no forget I said anything im blocking you now luckily I took a screen shot of our conversation. Now back to the present after all this I didnt know how to respond as quick so I called the police filed the report and im going to get checked. Yes of course the police were upset about me drinking and yeeah they told me there was nothing they can do. Honestly I dont and still dont know if it happened for real I just dont know how to respond. This is all I have take it or leave it. I am not gonna apologize to some the individuals that made comments about me sleeping around or it didnt happen they can kick rocks. I will apologize to the Man. I kind of apologize to u to Jamari other than that im not gonna stay negative

      4. With 200 people in a small four bedroom apartment I would have locked myself in that room from the start. Friends that are young do not check on their friends and take care of them as they should during parties. That’s not the big issue I have though. Anybody could have easily walked in the room and did anything to you because the door wasn’t locked and that’s just what happened. Personally, I wouldn’t have trusted my friends to check on me every now and then because I know how parties can get. If you locked yourself in it wasn’t like you weren’t going to be ok, so I don’t know why you didn’t do that knowing it was that many people in your apartment. A gay man is just as vulnerable as a woman of being taken advantage of. If he gives up his cheeks he is even more vulnerable. I’m dead serious. Since dude knew you from Jack’d, I take it that some people know your sexuality. You can’t tell everyone that you’re down with dudes, you can’t. Forget hate crimes and people treating you different for a second. You are putting yourself in the line of fire cause any man can try you because he knows what you like, and they can plot and scheme until they get you, this doesn’t generally happen to a supposedly straight dude.The only people who know about me are the dudes I’ve talked to and close friends who are just like me. I had a friend in high school who I used to always flirt with. We never told each other how we felt but we would flirt. One day he introduced me to two boys who were a lil younger than me. Just days later one of them would play with me and try to start conversations with me and I couldn’t figure out why. I ignored him cause I wasn’t feeling him like that. Weeks passed by and he started being mean and calling names and I was like WTF? I realized my friend was telling his other friends that I might be down and he was basically ratting me out. Some guys think just because you’re down too you are supposed to give them some sort of attention. I don’t know you, but you come off as a person who is naive, gullible and trusts everyone. If dude never told you that story you would have never known you were raped. If you know something didn’t feel right with your ass then you should have went to the doctor the next morning.

        Don’t be mad at everyone they just didn’t want to be had that’s all. Like I said before, the details you initially gave made us not believe you.

      5. @kismetentity. Just shut up please, ok. Who the hell was going to believe this dude and his story was all over the place from the start? You want me to go all in on the rapist and shy doesn’t even know what happened himself. He don’t even know who did it. All I know is he carelessly got drunk around people and left the door unlocked and the situation went wrong. Sometimes rape can be avoided and he didn’t take the necessary precautions before it occured and he did not do what he was supposed to do after the fact when he knew something was different. What dude wakes up with a freshly penetrated ass just dismisses it knowing he didn’t have sex recently? He knew that he was faded and at a party with 200 people the night before. Oh and what grown man gets raped and doesn’t know it? He knew he didn’t willingly have sex that night, so he should have known something was wrong. Now I’m not a Fox, but dude is my age so his ass should be still pretty tight, especially if he’s not a hoe or having sex on the regular. A few dudes entered his ass that night which means his ass should have been extremely penetrated and there should have been some sort of tearing. Sure if this happened I feel bad for him, but I will not console him like a baby. He needs to learn how to avoid situations like this and he needs to learn what to do afterwards.

      6. Personally I wanna know why a couple of dudes In YOUR house felt it was cool to WALK up in your house YOUR room and IN you. That sounds too far fetched . Are you super flamboyantly feminene ? Are you a sloppy gay boy who sucks dick left and right? Why did dudes barge into your room to bust ya ass down and even still have the nerve to throw a fUCK request to you ?\smh

  7. First, I’m sorry if in fact you were raped. There’s no excuse for it – I wouldn’t blame a woman, and I’m not gonna blame you. So get yourself tested now (for all STDs, incl. HIV), and in 6 months – get tested again. Maybe a doctor can tell something, though likely too much time has passed.

    I will say you have to be a whole lot smarter about your surroundings and taking care of yourself, though. Starting with not drinking so dayum much. Beyond being underage, blackout drunk is just dangerous; if you can’t remember what happened to you…well, anything can happen. Second, if your drink is out of your sight or you didn’t see it poured (unless it’s someone you ABSOLUTELY trust), don’t drink it. GHB is real in these streets & people will slip you a mickey. Third, tell your friends to lock your door. If they need to check on you, have a key. Personally, if I had woken up feeling like you did, I woulda went to the hospital or something…if only because you couldn’t remember last night, so you don’t know if you were raped. Maybe they used a condom & lube, maybe they cleaned you up afterwards, who knows? And 200 people in a 4-bedroom apartment is just…reckless. If nothing else, lay off the heavy drinking or drugs (if you do them). I pray you’re okay & that you don’t find yourself on xtube or anywhere else one day…

    1. You all are right especially the Man I understand percautions could have been taken and I also was in pain I just thank God in spite of and this is a lesson learned. I am not sad I am no longer have those bad thoughts because of the support of my family. I ask yall continue to pray for me.

      1. We will pray for you, but I’m hoping that this didn’t happen to you though. Maybe he was just trying to scare you. Have you asked you roommate and your friends? They might be able to help you. If you’re discreet and they don’t know about you I think it’s time that they do because the situation is too serious to try and keep your sexuality a secret. If they said they checked on you while you where in the room then this didn’t happen. The good thing that comes out of this is that you didn’t live the rape. In other words, you have no memory of the rape which might be best for a person who is your age. You will have no flashbacks of it or anything. Who wants to have memories of that? Rape victims are often scarred by the way it happened, it’s not always because they were raped. Another thing is if your test comes back neg. then your safe. I’m glad you learned a lesson out of this though.

        Keep us posted on this.

  8. Uh oh did the ques stampede your ass or did the kappas shimmy inside you.. Aight I won’t go on my Bruhs tho but for real maybe he was pulling your legs?

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