f0xmail: Are All The Black Wolves In California “Color Struck Coons”? Help?!


hey Jamari,
I been lurking your blog for a while now. And I’m happy to be able to see other black gay men online that seem to be in to each other. Out here in Cali it’s so hard for a black man seeking another black men It seems like black men want nothing to do w/ each other out here (SF, Cali) and will look right past each other to chase down a white or Asian guy. I’m not judging anyone’s preference, but I believe there’s strong element of self-loathing when it comes to these brothas. I just finished my freshman year at SF State and it was a nightmare. I’m originally from the south and was looking to connect w/ other like-minded black gay men like myself but their heads are so far up any non-black man’s ass it’s pathetic. And what’s funny is I overhear conversations between these “brothas” and their friends about how white men won’t pay them any mind…they claim they’re being sexually discriminated against, but they’re doing the EXACT same thing to guys who share the same complexion and features as them. I dunno about other gay black men, but I LOVE other black men and find us incredibly sexy and charming. I’ve tried developing friendships w/ other black gays in SF/Castro area and they all look at me funny or roll their eyes when I try and engage them conversation. Even on a friendship tip, I’ve had these “brothas” tell me they prefer to “chill” w/ Asian or white guys in their inner circle. The self-hate among these men is so unnerving, it’s makes me utterly ashamed to be a black man out here. Because these men have absolutely no self-respect or pride in their own race. They will run up behind anything that looks lighter than them. Please tell me I’m not alone,
I feel like I’m all alone out here…


shout out to the foxhole across the other side of the world.
love my cali foxhole.
oKo6oYpokay so lets get into this one because it was a good one.

you are definitely not alone.
its not even the gays.
i know many straights who went over to cali and got the surprise of their lives.
vixens mostly.
black wolves don’t date the coloreds out there.
if you ain’t light or damn near white,
you are pretty much out of luck.
shame because most of those cali wolves be fine as hell.
lowkey corny,
but fine as hell.
these two come to mind:

Screen Shot 2015-06-18 at 10.21.13 PMnow that doesn’t apply to everyone out there of course,
but on that side of the world seems to have a huge “color struck” problem.

look at chris brown.
i’m sure when he lived in that “country road” down in va,
i’m sure he happily dated black vixens.
i mean he had no choice.
now that he has moved to cali,
and became some kind of compton hood rat,
he is suddenly he is checking “light skin/other” for his boxes.
tumblr_n5rykdTLx41qi79cgo4_250 tumblr_n5rykdTLx41qi79cgo1_250
“electrical appliance” for his baby mama.
he don’t even look at a black vixen for more than for a second.
remember when he had a crush on ciara?
yeah those days are gone.
hell this one who i lusted after:

…doesn’t seem to have any black vixens in his latest productions.
whats up with that?

from what i heard through the fox-vine,
you may not want most of the attentionistos of cali.
you know the ones on instagram.
“models” is what they call em.
some of the ones who are straight.
a majority are creepin’ with older white foxes who paying bills.
cali ain’t cheap at all,
yet they in expensive cars and clothes?
the others are simply just raised that way.
“color struck” has been passed down from generation to generation.

my advice:

cali is not like new yawk.
you will find a lot of everything out in the concrete forest.
even in new yawk,
when it comes to corporate,
you will find color struck negros ready to suck white pipe for promotion.
the biggest coons wear suits out here.
you don’t want anyone who don’t want you.
i say keep doing you and the right one will come along.
“blah blah blah” i know,
but you been searching and what has happened?
maybe its time to pack up and move to a more “accepting” state?
a place where “color struck” negros are the minority?
head over north or even down south?
no reason to stay someplace if you aren’t being fulfilled.

tumblr_m62s1ziJA11rq82fythink about it.

i’m sorry its not working out for you out there.
i wish nothing but the best for you and your future endeavors.
good luck and keep me posted!

jamari fox

lowkey: i don’t think cali is ready for my new yawk mouth.
i would be ready to curse someone the fuck out with the bs.
i don’t give a fuck who you are.

videos credited to kerry rhodes: instagram

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

35 thoughts on “f0xmail: Are All The Black Wolves In California “Color Struck Coons”? Help?!”

  1. I hear Cali is bad, black and black love don’t exist over there, especially in SF which this e-mail seems to confirm it. But I totally understand where he’s coming from where I get weird stares from other black men too up here in Maine, but it’s whatever now. The best solution is move elsewhere. After graduation I am returning to New Yawk for a lot of reasons and black men are one of them

    1. Well this is a good lesson to learn from. If you’re a black man who loves black men, don’t move to Cali. But can we talk about how black men would prefer to date the most ugliest white troll instead of dating an attractive black man

      1. Well think about like this if your a color struck person and your mission is to assimilate into the white world you’ll take the first thing that comes along who will help your cause for some people its better than nothing as along as it gets them one step closer to their goal and thats a goddamn shame.

    2. In response to the Chris Brown reference. I actually worked at a hotel in West Hollywood that he frequented before he made LA his home base and I can assure you he was color struck before he moved to Cali. Living on the west coast did not make him this way. I attended an HBCU in North Carolina and to make it plain I felt like an extra in the movie School Daze. The south is just as color struck among our own if not more. That includes people who go to HBCU’s or relocate from the tri-state area. Don’t refer to blacks from Cali as a monolith because we are not.

  2. This is a very sad commentary on black self hatred I’ve heard this many times about California and what’s ironic this is supposed to be the most progressive state in the country but yet racism and colorism is a reoccurring theme I don’t get it and its such a contradiction and it makes absolutely no sense to me.

  3. What does corny mean exactly, I hear black people call nick canon that alot but he doesn’t seem like a bad person. Do the black guys that only date non black men or women,do they also hate looking black themselves like their nose lips hair texture skin tones and also the positive things in black culture or results vary?

    1. Lol! At Nick Cannon some people say that because he’s not a hyper masculine black man he’s just a regular guy,and as for black the people who date or marry non-blacks for some not all but their are blacks who have a deep desire to lighten up their families and it’s solely for superficial reason’s as a result of not having pride in their looks they want to live vicariously through their light-skin children and restore some kind of pride in themselves and its truly disgusting on so many levels.

    2. Eris…corny means that you’re trying too hard to be something that you’re not. Like a nerd trying his best to portray himself as being cool, when he’s not. That’s about as close as an explanation that I can come up with. LOL

  4. “you don’t want anyone who don’t want you”

    Exactly. I don’t understand how people get so upset when they figure they aren’t someone’s type. That’s why i could care less for all the self hatred and dark vs light skin BS. You’ve filtered yourself out of my radar without me having to do anything, and throw up the deuces. There are billions of people in the world and you’ll find someone who fits every ideal you want in someone and more.

    People like what they like. So i give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes these things aren’t about self-hatred.

    1. You are absolutely right,everyone is entitled to their preferences if its genuine sure but however so often that word preference can also be code word for hidden agenda and too often that word preference has been used to justify how they treat people whether good or bad. So don’t take everything at face value because it’ll foul ya every time.

    2. 100% Just don’t invest your energy on people who have their own problems and issues to deal with. They’re not “there” yet.

      If you’re not a colour struck person, then why even concern yourself with someone who is, right?

      To the foxmailer: Remember its not YOU, it’s THEM! Those are THEIR insecurities and conditioning mixed in with their limited capacity of understanding the world around them. Just by being colour struck they have shown a lot about who they are, and their frame of mind. Its not that they don’t want you, its that YOU shouldn’t want THEM!

      Perhaps you could move to a more diverse location, or maybe you can find someone in your community.

      Black men turn me on heavy,I’d prefer to be with a brotha (don’t care if he’s brown, dark, or light), but I need to find me a good one, with some values, and some intelligence, and some Got Dayum sense, Dignified doesn’t “do” pineapple.

      Good black men are out there, finding them is the hard part sometimes LOL! Your location just sounds toxic for you.

      1. See it would take you to hit a home run like this lol! So spot on This is why you are a friend in my head!!!

  5. They are all fucking coons! The wolves, foxes….all of them! My self-esteem as a black gay man is so fucked up because of this state. Even on grindr and jackd, black men put “looking for white guys” on their profiles. If another black man messages them, even to say hello, they will block or ignore your ass. These punks want so desperately to immerse themselves in the white gay world that they forget who they are. I refuse to date a white dude even though they’re the ones hitting me up 90% of the time on these apps. The other 10% be the closeted DL trade in Oakland w/ wives/girlfriends. The openly gay bruthas w/ good jobs, in school etc. all want white/Asian/Latino dudes. They’re truly a self-loathing bunch. After I graduate I’m taking my black ass to NY cause these niggas out here on some other shot forreal. I’ll just stick it out and chill w/ the black lesbians cause they’re rye only ones out here who seem to love one another. I’m not an ugly dude so I know that ain’t the issue, it’s these coons out here and their snow queen inferiority complexes.

    1. @Sterling…I think they do that because of a “perceived” belief that the white man can give them what they want or need. They know that most gay white men, not all, have fantasies of being with black men and are looking to give them what they want. What they fail to realize is that it just takes ONE instance for that white person to remind them that they are NOT a part of their world…they’re just there for a purpose. A lot of guys who have that “whites only” on their page are looking to belong to a class/race of people that in actuality look down upon them, tolerating them because they can give them that “fantasy dick” they crave. Lose that…and they wouldn’t even tolerate them.
      One day these guys will wake up and learn.

  6. I’m in Oakland, CA and some of what he says is true. The black population of San Francisco is down. I suggest that he try coming to Oakland and seeing if his luck is better–perhaps at a gay/same gender loving club like Club BNB in downtown Oakland.

  7. This is entry was awesome, best foxMail we’ve received in a long time. I’ve been experiencing the same thing recently. I went away upstate this yr for my sophomore year of college and there are a lot of gays there, predominantly white. But you would think with the small black population straight or gay there would be more black love, However… black gay men only date white or Asian, and black men date only white there.

    Black women seem the most open and eager to date their own race there. However majority of blacks at my school are coons and let white people insult them in their faces. And the sad part is many of these gay blacks at my school would do anything for white meat but the white guys are NEVER checking for them first if at all.

    It saddens me because I am not out which makes it difficult for me to find a guy. However it’s more difficult when you are a black man who actually wants to date another black man. Idk, like, this entry kind of hurt so much I’m kind of tearing up. Why can’t we love on each other and try to build with eachother as black people, I mean I am all for interracial relationships, but not when one is in one as a form of self hate.

    1. Stay strong, brother, I’m dealing w/ the same thing. I’m just hoping there’s at least one brother out here in SF that has love for himself and other brothers. It’s like these dudes kiss these white dude’s asses that disrespect them, but let another black man actually try and acknowledge them/show compassion they get an attitude. I really don’t get it.

  8. Although, I am only familiar with Southern California, I have only been to San Francisco on a flight lay over, I can believe it is true. I usually go to Cali when it is a Black event in town like the All-Star game or BET awards, but when I visit and go to West Hollywood, I see this in full effect. The Black dudes out there pay you dust, although most of what I see out there, I am not bothered. It seems like you actually have a better chance of meeting a black dude in LA anyway just hanging out in Inglewood or Ladera Heights at some of the local spots. Most dudes in LA seem like they get down anyway. I have heard that San Francisco is a whole other ball game entirely when it comes to Black guys, pretty much everything you said in your letter, I have heard, these snow queens are sickening, you can be with whoever you want to be with, but when you start looking at other Blacks like you are not Black yourself, that’s where I have the problem. Many seem to go out of there way to prove to other races that they want nothing to do with other Blacks. I am like many who suggested just leaving this place when you can and go to the East Coast or ATL. I would go crazy in a place like that, because I dont eat white meat LoL.

  9. I’ve said this before. I’ve spent my summers in Cali and the men there are the most obnoxious, color struck, coons ever.

    I find most of the DMV dudes (especially the ones close to DC) to be snotty, but slutty on the low.

    No bad experiences with NYC, Jersey, Philly dudes yet I don’t think.

    Texas dudes are just trifling. No lie lol

  10. I was sad while reading this foxtail letter, to think in Cali where some of the most open minded people live someone has to put up this. I live in the A so there is nothing but black on black gay couples here.

    I agree with some of the comments above either move to a different state or stay and look for a community of black loving men without the hang ups.

    1. I’ve been toLA, San Francisco several times, in fact I’ll be there again on the 9th July. San Francisco has the weirdest, out of touch black men you want to meet. On a whole not attractive at all. I knew a Black porn star there and all he dated was older white men. I couldn’t figure out what the attraction was, as most of the guys he dated were quite unattractive. I remember having a convo with this oddball black guy that told me he wanted to adopt some white babies because it would end racism, as these babies would be without racial biases. I literally laughed in his face.
      frankly I know that a lot of these men have esteem issues, would never admit it, but its real. As a Therapist I just have to spend 10 minutes with them and i can see it clear as day. The ones who talk about Black men in such negative tones usually are the ones that have the most self hate, but they try and pass it off as if it’s “them”.
      I don’t pay more attention to those guys, as I have nothing in common with them. I am Jamaican born, bred, so I know who I am as well as my value.

  11. I’m not sure if you guys know this or not, but Cali is a low black populated state, like 5 or 6 percent, and most of them live in LA, so the black men in Cali are probably very white washed and not interested in their own kind, it happens.

    I can suggest you move man, relocating might be the way to go, but if you already have a good job, family etc, it is not really worth it. Good Luck.

  12. Yo being from Cali born and raised I gotta say I’m a shocked and disappointed at the negativity yall got for my home. Now all yall talking bout the north or spending summers out here, but as someone who lives out here in SoCal, I gotta say yall are giving a very limited account of the black people here. Now I done seen everything out here from the colorism and I don’t mess with blacks to the those who like they can’t mess with nobody who light skin or not black.

    Now I can’t speak for up north, but I can’t let yall just give my home a bad rep like that. Depending on where you are (mostly in places where there aint a lot of black ppl) sometimes the only black people you run into are whitewash negros or hoodrats.

    When I first got to hs, I found those real obnoxious just-got-out-the-hood niggas that only want to be with non-blacks. And from what I could see, they were so used to being with blacks they wanted to try something different and out here maybe even more than other parts of the nation, there are many asians and whites who found us and our culture “interesting”. Now not everyone is like that, I know too many ppl that wouldn’t even consider going outside the race, but from what I’ve seen those who do are either whitewash or niggas (and i do mean niggas) who are trying to find someone he ain’t used to.

    And J, I don’t think you ready for Cali.They will roast some ass just for looking at them wrong out here. No lie niggas be in a “mood to go to jail today” if you disrespect them (somebody literally told me this).

  13. Why doesnt someone over there develop an app called brutha4brutha or something? We don’t have that overarching “problem” here in ATL. Woop woop!!

    1. What tips do you want? Your solely focusing on the physical as if something needs to be done about it. Your attitude and energy is where it begins. I personally am attracted to men with a high self-esteem and confidence, it’s sexy. I think your cute.

    2. @ Sterling-Your pic just confirm everything to be true about Cali. Not blowing your head up, but you are drop dead gorgeous young man and if you go to any cities down south like Dallas, Houston, Atlanta, Charlotte or on the E. Coast like DC, Philly, NYC you would get swooped up in a heartbeat. Sad this multi-cultural BS practiced in Cali and on the West Coast has so many brothers not loving themselves and others who look like them. I wish you luck in finding another beautiful brother to get to know and spend some time together, dont let these lost boys discourage you.

  14. I see where he is coming from but I have lived on the east coast for years at a time and blacks being color struck is everywhere. Not just California. It’s better to do some homework and visit a city before moving there. I’ve encountered color struck wolves everywhere. Especially New York Mr. Jamari. My advice would be to venture out of San Francisco. Try Oakland or LA. Not West Hollywood but LA. Don’t complain just venture out and meet new people.

  15. Sir if you don’t mind me saying but I think you are a chocolate delight you are a very handsome black man and if you were to ever get that hetero-flexable itch look I’m yo girl ha-ha lol! Holla at me!

  16. Maaan I can’t even believe I’m reading this post! As an SF Bay resident, I’ve gotta say this is definitely TRUE! My boys and I talk about the black gay community here in the bay all the time. It’s interesting to hear someone else touch on this topic, because I was really beginning to feel alone. I was born and raised here in Oakland, and it seems like gentrification and the evolving likes of black men have changed the dating atmosphere here completely. If you’re not Latino/Hispanic, you’re chances of another black man being interested in you are slim to none. And if they are interested in you, they come with a whole host of other problems from being ran thorough, to being lazy bums. It’s so bad that I’ve been contemplating moving. Crazy to hear someone else experiencing the same struggle as myself.

    1. Ayo, CJ, some of my black lesbian friends suggested bench and bar in Oakland. I might have to check that place out. But yeah it’s so bad out here w/ these bruthas and their coonish dispositions. A lot of these dudes be very cute too but won’t even look at a brutha. I went to the Lookout (in the Castro) and this one black dude tried to start a fight w/ me just because I was one of the few black guys there….he kept teasing about how dark I was and how he didn’t know I was there until the strobe lights came on. I was humiliated and this brother was maybe a lil less darker than me.

      1. BNB is a cool little spot. Great music. Nice drinks. The crowd can be a little iffy tough, and it’s predominantly lesbian on some nights. I would still check it out if I were you. You may find it to be a better introduction to POC here. Don’t drive though, because they will break into your car in the parking lot! LOL. And I’m sorry you had such a horrible experience in the Castro. Most of us know that if we go there we’re going to run into mess like that, or gangs of white men looking for “black bbc cawk”. You and I are the same tone so I sympathize man. Keep your head up though bro. The Bay has such an expansive and unique culture, beyond its broken gay black community. I promise you if you hit more cities and really explore, you’ll find that there’s a lot to love about this area. I guess that’s why I’ve stayed for so long :-/

  17. Mmm Sterling! You got me feeling butterflies man! LOL! I love your smile! Your skin colour is gorgeous too! I think you are a very attractive man, it’s sad to see that there are men like you who can’t find anyone! Yeah follow what the other guys were saying, go outside of your state if you can, get a new circle, someone with your looks should have no problem, your area is just fxxed up! LOL Don’t let your self-esteem fall man, be confident and own yourself, and stay humble!

    You and your skin colour are gorgeous, don’t let anyone tell you different. Seriously.

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!

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