Category: A LIL TASTE OF JAMARI
accountability | june 14th – 20th
first off,
i got to give a huge shout-out to those who really fuck wit this.
the emails and dms are so dope and i’m glad my journey is helping someone.
let’s get into ittttt…
a technique i did in therapy yesterday that i had to share with the foxhole
i could not wait to get to therapy yesterday.
some therapy sessions are just venting,
but when i find out something about myself,
i get excited that i want to share it.
after i unloaded about yesterday’s entry,
i wanted to share a technique he did that really helped…
Continue reading “a technique i did in therapy yesterday that i had to share with the foxhole”
the ugly monster that is me with body dysmorphic disorder
while i was at the wedding on sunday,
i was having a shit ton of fun.
it was starting to get cold af and one of the bride’s brother let me borrow his jacket.
once i put it on:
“OMG YOU LOOK SO GOOD!
YOU GIVE OFF “COSMOPOLITAN”.
HOLD ON LET ME TAKE PICTURES OF YOU!”
thats when i started getting nervous.
he asked me to smile for the pictures,
but i hate my smile.
i think it makes me look weird since my lips are really big.
he took some pictures and everyone was “oooh” and “aww” at them.
“This should be your Grindr default picture.
Someone would match with you right now.”
when i looked at one of the pictures from this impromptu photoshoot.
i didn’t see any of that.
i zoomed right in on all my flaws and everything i see that is wrong with me.
a day later,
he sent me all the pictures via whatsapp.
i was on the phone with hunter and as i looked at all the pictures…
Continue reading “the ugly monster that is me with body dysmorphic disorder”
to my special one.
in 2002-03ish,
after wandering in the city all day,
a friend “who i don’t know anymore” suggested we go to toys r us that was in time square.
she wanted to meet up with a girl who worked there that she met online.
i didn’t want the day to end so i was down.
when i first saw the girl we were meeting,
i said to myself:
“Wow,
she looks really stressed out and over it.
SEE this is why I don’t do retail.”
and
“I really dig this girl’s energy,
but we will probably never see each other again.”
The Universe made sure that wouldn’t happen.
a year or two later,
we reconnected on the blogging platform,
xanga.
she hopped in my comments and i did the same in hers.
we would write entries about our frustrations and loneliness.
the folks who broke our hearts; the ones who got away.
the main theme for us was trying to find that perfect love.
toys r us and that friend “who i don’t know anymore” both brought us stress,
and ironically don’t exist any longer either,
but they were the starting point in planting the seed for this friendship to grow.
when i look back at the first time we met until now,
i ask myself:
Who knew from that moment we met that our “us” would become this?
i get to write another story on my own platform about us.
last sunday in brooklyn,
she got married to your soulmate…
accountability | june 7th – 12th
since i have a wedding to go to tomorrow,
i’m gonna take the day off.
accountability starts now so leggoo…
the first step in a prison break is admitting you want to break out of prison
i can come off really guarded in person.
it’s nerves tbh.
it is all nervous energy in how i come off to other people.
when alcohol is in me,
my inhibitions can help me relax but i don’t want to become an alcoholic.
weed has only made me paranoid af.
honestly…
Continue reading “the first step in a prison break is admitting you want to break out of prison”
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