“I just fade into the abyss with people.”
that was the pretty vixen telling me how she doesn’t do confrontation.
personally,
i like to pull folks to the side so we can be on the same page.
for my mental health,
i always like to squash issues so i don’t take any ghosts with me.
i know that isn’t always possible but if i have to move on,
at least we had a conversation before we got to that point.
i had to wonder tho…
Is confrontation always a good thing?
today,
i sent three texts to three people in my life…
all three of them did something that bothered me/has been bothering me.
2 responded; 1 didn’t.
the first two acknowledged where they went wrong with me.
they apologized and we moved forward.
the last one that i really wanted to speak to didn’t send a reply back.
I guess I know where we stand.
it’s fucked up when you think you know someone,
but you see you didn’t mean as much to them as you thought.
that’s one of my biggest issues.
i always stay optimistic with most people,
but i’m always left disappointed.
the pretty vixen,
who tends to be more logical than emotional,
sees people for who they are and sends them on their way when they violate.
it makes me feel like i’m weak or something.
like,
i should know better but i do the same dumb shit.
Is something wrong with me?
lowkey: outside of my friends,
i wish people would fight for me like they do others.
Stop having expectations of people, Jamari. Once you do that you’ll find that you’ll be disappointed less. People are fucking people. They’re not obligated to be, say, or do what you want them to.
Focus on not disappointing yourself.
Focus on loving and spoiling, and honoring yourself.
I’ve been on your site a long time and you give a lot of yourself to people undeserving. We teach others how to treat us, and you’ve been teaching others that you’re a doormat.
It’s time to each them that you’re a temple.
In the beginning it’ll be difficult, you’ll be alone because you cut so many people out of your life or they walked away because they could no longer use you, but you’ll be thankful when quality relationships enter your life.
The thing is what you’re feeling is felt by many it’s just a game of numbers
My closest gay friend surrounds himself with hundreds of other gay men always going out always on a date always hooking up so he’s unbothered when one doesn’t do right bc of the plethora of others he has texting him
I’m a Virgo rising so i feel more deeply I’d rather one perfect match than 100 I “kinda” like
So since it takes me longer to warm up I feel more intensely toward betrayal
On the other hand, I am a very confrontational person almost to the point ppl are scared to see me face to face once they’ve wronged me
and I noticed this when I moved to New York you think of NY as such a tough place but my attitude had me a lot of enemies bc as a southerner we stereotypically bite our tongues but I never did. They couldnt believe the things I’d say to them which sometimes I think alienates me from a community of gays where ppl try sooo hard to be liked. U have to develop a defense mechanism for Me it’s the rule of never saving numbers and only texting one text for every one text. If u go ghost I check up once a few days later and then it’s ✌🏾 no time for uncertainty especially from guys who show the interest initially.
Being busy for people will also help. No one wants someone always available for them. And I’m learning to not tell ppl anything they don’t ask for, to maintain mystique
Great post and Si left a great comment and question for you Jamari. Jamari I feel you and I are alike in so many ways. I think when we let people into our life it’s a big deal, we don’t let everyone get close to us. So, the people that we do get close to we tend to drop our guards down and open up to them, sometimes it works out for us and most of the time it doesn’t. Those people know ignoring our phone calls or text messages, and ghosting us will get under our skin, and some people love that. We live in an ego stroking world right now. They get off on ignoring you and getting you out of character and that’s just how some people are. I think the best thing to do Jamari is when someone shows you who they are block and delete that number, mute them on social media and go on with your life.
^ you answered it perfectly eric.
this was definitely the answer for si’s question.
couldn’t have written it more perfectly.
i need to start putting associates and acquaintances in their proper categories too.
many people come into my life disguised as friends and show me they weren’t.
i’m a very loving and open person to people and that’s been my issue as well.
i can’t love people who don’t want to love you.
Thank you for breaking it down like this. I’ve been feeling this exact same way about a situation that just transpired with someone who I thought was a friend. The piece about ego stroking and getting off on ignoring someone is so weird to me, but it’s so true. I’d also add gaslighting to that list. Especially in this increasingly social media driven world. The healing process can be difficult, but it helps a bit to know that there are other mature, compassionate men out there who are living and learning through similar situations.
You seem to get violated regularly, but looking at the other side of the coin. Have you ever asked why people feel they can treat you that way?
^ good question…
i need to think about that.
i’ll get back to you.