you want their acceptance; they want you dead

I couldn’t help but wonder:
Why do we crave acceptance so bad from the obviously wrong people?

when we desperately need someone(s) and they sense that,
they’ll use it to control us.

they’ll push you to see just how far up their ass you’re willing to go.
for some,
the entrance while others look for a home in their colon.
a jackal from my past has a grudge against me…

He is STILL mad that I started hanging out with his friend more than him.

he tells everyone with an ear how much of a gay bitch “f bomb” that i am.

what he doesn’t realize is i found out he was talking shit behind my back,
never defended me when others were talking shit about it,
and he was a boring ass user.
his friend was much more exciting.
my motto has always been:

When I’m fed up with anyone’s disrespect,
I start looking for someone else to be friends with or someone new to fuck.

your status,
your access,
and your impeccable taste in sexual satisfaction
none of it matters if i’m not being treated fairly.
i’ll forgive and try to make it work but when i’ve reached my limit,
i’m on the next thing smoking alone or with someone else.

Muthafuckas HATE when you come to your senses and bounce on em.
You don’t GAF if they got money and/or good dick,
you’re willing to start over from scratch than be disrespected.

That is someone who holds all the power.

i just finished this dark and twisted show on hulu calledunder the bridge”.
it’s based on a true story.

it’s about a young vixen named reena virk who sells her soul for a spot in a she-jackal’s squad.
she went as far as to betraying her family to be accepted by these bottom of the barrels.
she got the message they weren’t shit when they were in the midst of murdering her.
the show blew my mind and got me thinking:

I was her at many points in my life.
There were those I desperately wanted to befriend or date.

What if I decided to chase them around as they sensed I was desperate?
Had I ignored the red flags that these folks only tolerated me,

but were secretly forming hatred towards me,
could I have been Reena Virk too?

life has taught me something that i want t share with you all:

When you meet someone and feel the need to prove yourself in some way,
while they’re aren’t returning any loving or emphatic energy,
they are more than likely to turn and harm you in some way.

They don’t you; they’re tolerating you.

stay woke.
this is why i keep “he-bitch” in the holster sometimes.
i gotta put my big ass dick on the table to let them know i’m not the one either.

watch more about reena virk’s murder
(maybe after you watch the show on hulu?):

lowkey: you gotta let jackals know through your actions and energy you are not the one.
you will play their villain in a heartbeat.