after my parents died,
there was a void i wanted to be filled.
my family took the will money and went right back to barbados.
i was young,
and in my parent’s home.
you know what that meant?…
i was under semi-strict lock and key when they were alive,
but i was able to do what i wanted since i was on my own.
i met some straight-but turned out be-jackals and invited them in to fill what i was missing.
rebellion was my grieving process.
they introduced me to weed,
i was letting folks take my car to do drug runs.
i thought i could trust them.
i let them do whatever they wanted because i wanted to be cool.
once my inheritance money was gone,
so were they.
i was left homeless,
and a joke.
I understand Megan Thee Stallion after today
i get why she was up in people’s face now.
at one point of my life.
after losing parents so young,
i wanted to fill my spaces to handle my grief.
people warned me to watch out,
but i was a kid and way too stubborn.
i see it with my sister now tbh.
She filled spaces in her own life to replace everything that she lost,
including her innocence.
they filmed one of her suicide attempts and put it on snapchat.
after getting burned so much,
i’ve learned to stay out of the mix.
i know when to chill and when to politely decline.
i use to be in the mix real heavy,
but i learned there is no love in there.
it’s all clout chasing and flexing for social media.
i’ll see people suckin’ up to those who want to be put on.
i wish i was apart of the cool kids,
but i learned what that life was like really early so i’m guarded af.
I might come off as someone who is stone cold,
and prone to distance himself at times,
but it’s a self defense mechanism now.
i don’t trust people because when i love,
i love really hard.
some folks don’t understand that love language because they’re robots.
i wish it was different,
but i’ve learned (and still trying to accept) how fake and fucked up some people can be.
i tried to fill voids in my life because i can suffer with loneliness and fomo.
i attach and get attracted to the wrong people who don’t know how to handle all of me.
it’s something i’m trying to work on,
but those who lost parents know what i mean.
i’m sending megan all the love and healing.
this is what prompted this entry: