“would you date you?”
i want you to really think about that.
sure we think we’re the best thing since sliced bread and the remote control,
but would other men see it that way?
have you ever stepped outside of the
and the swagginess
and asked yourself if you are a date-able person?
are you a good person?
you are probably good enough to fuck,
but i had to ask…
Are you good enough to cuff?
i sat in my room and asked myself the question.
in all honestly,
nope i wouldn’t date me now.
i don’t think i would have dated me ever actually.
i would definite fuck the living shit out of me,
since i know that i would provide myself with insane amounts of pleasure.
my sexuality goes beyond just basic positions.
i am a freak,
but i wouldn’t offer anything to a wolf besides a wet hole and mouth.
i know this and i have accepted it.
i am a vulnerable mess.
with everything that has happened in my life,
i’ve been searching for someone to rescue me.
the first wolf i crushed on in this lifestyle,
i thought he would be the one to rescue my ass.
i was so sure, ya know?
he turned out to be straight,
and i was heart broken,
but i think I’ve always been searching for someone to make me feel the way he did.
you know when these men come in your life,
that you don’t know if they’re gay,
but that feeling they gave you like you were the only one.
they made you feel like putty.
i’ve always been looking for that.
a man to make me feel like i was the sexiest muthafucka alive.
never found it.
i did find a few dicks in disguise of “that” tho.
another thing is that i give myself too much when i love you.
i realized that recently with people in my life.
the mistakes i have called “friends” that have me feeling alone.
they needed me and i was there.
shoulder to cry on or love them,
i dropped everything and ran to them.
i was their biggest cheerleader,
but i’m starting to realize nowadays no one give a fuck about me.
no one fights for me like i do them.
“THIS IS JAMARI FOX!
HE IS AMAZING!
GET TO KNOW HIM!
HE’S GOOD PEOPLE!
I APPRECIATE HIM IN MY LIFE.”
… but i do that shit everyone right?
i would do all that to my wolf,
but would he do that to me?
not if i’m dependent on him for my happiness.
so now i’m:
loving myself first.
putting myself first.
treating myself first.
i’m working on being someone i’d date,
because once i do that,
i’ll be one bad ass muthafucka!!!!
what about you?
entry thought credit: x this episode