They say judge and yee shall be also judged.
I am starting to believe that phrase was started by someone
who was talked about and could not handle the heat.
Do people really believe they will go through life,
judgement free,
just by not judging someone else?
That is a foolish way to think.
But, can you be someone who does stupid things and expect people to be okay with it?
Are some people just prone to forever being foolish?
I have a Vixen who confuses me when it comes to her love life.
She recently was in a very toxic relationship and wanted to be alone after.
I gave her advice after advice while in the situation because her spirit was broke.
She met a dude and within two months, she decided to play “shack up” and move to a whole new city with him.
He turned out to be a straight ASSHOLE and kicked her out his home with no remorse.
She ended up coming back up North within 5 months vowing NEVER to be in another relationship.
Well, until she got her mind right.
Well, lets introduce her ex who was a bigger asshole to her.
This is the ex who took her kindness for weakness and dragged her through the coals.
He admitted in their break up that the only reason he was with her was because of the pussy.
She would try to motivate him to do better, but he would continue to dog her.
She would be spending her money on him and his daughter while she was left feeling empty.
She broke up with him not once BUT twice…
Well, she admitted to me that she was back with that same Ex-Asshole again last night.
This same Ex-Asshole started apologizing about how he had fucked up a good thing.
He also realized that she was also good woman to him.
She told Ex-Asshole saying that they could start off being cool and go from there….
As you already know, I think it is a bad idea…
I completely judged her because of everything she told me during her “I want to be alone” dream speech.
But I had to ask myself, “Is it because I do not know her situation that I am judging her?”
Maybe the ex had a change of heart and is a brand new person with a new attitude.
Sometimes giving someone a chance to start over because they do not know what they have until it is gone.
It made me wonder about love and the assholes we find ourselves loving.
Are there simply people that we will never be able to get out of our lives?
Are we hooked on them because of sex, attention, or even financial gains?
And why do we go backwards when we have every chance to go forward and try something new?
Is it comfort?
Or is loneliness?
There have been a few Wolves that I cut out my life due to them treating me bad,
but I find myself texting them during my horniest seasons
(since they were good play toys and I had no one else).
And when the session is done, I am back to my regularly scheduled program.
But, I may meet a Wolf who will turn out to be my own personal “Ex-Asshole“.
When it comes to other people and their mistakes…
Funny you mention this, because I’ve been thinking about this judging thing for quite awhile!
Judging is what someone decided to make up and use the word as an excuse for their poor behavior. It’s basically basic people using big words to fight for a cause without valid points. Illogical fallacy? I think it’s called?
Anyways, judging is when you see a stranger wearing blue, and you assume their favorite color is blue. That’s judging in the sense of “don’t judge”.
But when this stranger wears blue every day all the time, and they buy it themselves (so no their mother did not buy it for them), to judge that their favorite color is blue really isn’t incorrect. Of course, if blue wasn’t socially acceptable or illegal or whatever, they’d be like “don’t judge me! Just because I wear blue doesn’t mean it’s my favorite color! It’s navy!”
So, how you gon wear blue every day and buy all your clothes blue and then say blue isn’t your favorite color to wear? Of course, no one would deny that. But when it comes to things like relationships and stuff, people like to lie and deny, and tell you to not judge them. Why? Because you’re right, which means they’re wrong. And who likes to be wrong? Who knows they’re wrong yet still keeps doing it? That’s what makes you embarrassed. Therefore, you come up with phrases like “Don’t judge” or “Only God can judge me”. Bla bla bla. Just because it appears on Tumblr with beautiful graphics or just because it sounds remotely intelligent due to its rhythm or metaphors does not make it right. Like some rappers, making a slick comparison causing some basic people to go “ohhhh! that was slick! true that!!!” and then frame them as their new God. But, that’s another story đ
Yeah I fucking think you can be taught how da date in da life it’s like shopping for a car. lol
Yo here is my two cents whether some of you want it or not!!! LOL Moderator you said that yo friend is a good woman well I say she is not no one who is good lets anyone who is bad keep treating them like shit!!!! Yo yo moderator you wrong when you say this
“They say judge and yee shall be also judged. I am starting to believe that phrase was started by someone who was talked about and could not handle the heat.
Do people really believe they will go through life, judgement free.” Bruh Jesus said that and he was talking about being spiritually mature enough to understand that it is weak people who go around judging people for smelling bad when they themselves smell like a toilet NYC subway toilet lol. What you are talking about bruh is called inspecting fruit cause yo know if you see a tree and it has oranges on it then it is safe to call it an orange tree. If you see a tree with apples on it then it is safe to call it an apple tree plain and simple no judgement there. Check this when I was in college I worked at a battered women shelter and why yo friend sounds like she is suffering form battered wife syndrome.”
My saying is who in their right mind is going to continuously make up fucking excuses when someone constantly beat their ass or treat them bad those people need pity and some professional help. Constantly listening to them mutherfucka complain how bad things are and yo do nothing about it is not cool. One of my female friends use to call me all the time about her boyfriend always emotionally abusing her, and I gave her some advice, I told her to take her fucking ass down to a battered woman shelter and get some counseling!!! Which she reluctantly did but she choose to stay in the relationship. Then one night she told me that homeboy was talking about beating her ass is she didn’t do what he wanted her to do cause she was threatening him to leave her. Now this muther fucker is like 5’10 250 lbs of solid steroid induced muscles, and this muther fucker was a martial artist. So my friend told me that this muther fucker had hit the wall next to her face and punched a hole in the fucking wall. I told her ass if she didn’t get out of that fucking situation ASAP for her to forget my number because I am not going to fucking going to continue to talk to her azz.
I think you can look at the situation & give your opinion of it and what’s going on. The judging comes in when you look down on your vixen friend – or someone else in a similar situation (or even something else that you don’t agree with) and think you’re better than them because you wouldn’t do that/wouldn’t stand for it/how can they not see this/etc., because you could find yourself in something where people will look at you the same way. That’s not to say you can’t try to help them, or have to co-sign with what they’re going though — just don’t feel you’re so high & mighty that it couldn’t be you, cuz God (or karma/fate if you prefer) has a way…lol
As far as why, no one likes to be lonely. I believe we need to be around other people, friendship, companionship, whatever. You pick up clues from your parents on how a man/woman should act & be treated, in addition to your friends & society at large. And as we can see, the standards of relationships need work – period. When you fall in ‘love,’ you tend to lose your mind, and see only the good in this person. You ignore clues that could wake you up cuz 1) it feels good, and 2) you can’t always wrap your mind around the fact that someone who supposedly loves you too would treat you like this. It usually takes some catastrophic event to break you out. And if you don’t allow yourself to heal, you’ll fall into the same patterns & people…again cuz you’re afraid of being alone & start feeling lonely. (It also doesn’t help if you define yourself by your relationship status or your bf/gf. Develop your own identity first).
And time has a way of healing all wounds, and also giving us rose-colored glasses. You can remember the good feelings & times & tend to forget the bad…especially if you haven’t found someone else that makes you feel the same or you haven’t resolved the issues within yourself. Shoot, I still have a soft spot in my heart for my ex that I loved – despite the sh*t he did. However, I’m not getting back with him (can’t say I wouldn’t sleep with him though *shrug*). At the same time, I can believe people can change, it’s just that you’d have to show me over time (like at least a year) before I’d get back with you if you broke my heart or destroyed my trust.
I’m rambling now, so Imma stop now…lol. But I understand her even though I think it’s a terrible idea. I ain’t judging though, cuz it’s an easy trap to fall into. The heart can make you do stpid things
^GREAT COMMENT WOLFIE!!!!!
this is what I like to see…
So am I wrong really?
Maybe I am just tired of the bs and seeing someone getting treated badly.
Wrong? Nah. It’s okay to not be in agreement. You can let her know how you feel & leave it at that. I wouldn’t enable her…that’s not judging (imo).
(cont)
You can’t make someone ‘see the light.’
I dont want to say that someone doesn’t love themselves (even though that may be the case), they may not have healthy dating habits and get caught up in behavioral patterns that work to their detriment that they may or may not be aware of. Part of it stems from a lack of self-esteem and self confidence where we seek out other people to validate ourselves and look to them to help us feel things we should already feel within ourselces. Another part of it may be that since we aren’t taught how to date, we’re all sort of winging it.
^you think we can be “taught” to date?
especially as men in the lifestyle?
Absolutely.
You can be taught healthy dating habits like donât use dating to avoid working your way through the loss of the relationship, understanding your thought patterns and how they affects the men you choose to date, recognizing the difference between primary and secondary values when determining what you’re looking for in a partner, being aware of and able to point out red flag behavior, having a firm grasp on your values and boundaries, knowing that sex and love are NOT the same thing…and so on.
These are things most people in this lifestyle are unaware of and figure out down the line as they get into these situations. Often times becoming bitter and jaded by the end of it that they’re too broken to even date again.
I think Vain and Random summed it up.. I agree completely with them both.
I’ve been in her shoes before.
Wolves never really give you the attention you deserve when you’re giving it to them.
It’s when you decide to get your shit together and move on that they suddenly have this “epiphany”.
When I gave my second chance (to not one, but three exes), it wasn’t loneliness that made me let them back in or the sex or anything to do with money (I have my own). It was really the hope that they actually could have changed and things would be better. As unforgiving as I traditionally am, when it comes to matters of the heart, you want to believe that this person who came into your life and made you feel all of these emotions actually had the POTENTIAL to be “the one”.
It makes you think, “Maybe I didn’t fuck up in picking him. Maybe I was right all along.”
And then it’s the comfort. It’s easier to go back to where you’ve always been then to roam uncharted territory (because being honest, there are Wolves out here with more than enough problems. Financially, physically, mentally, and emotionally. So we, as Hybrids and Foxes, try to find one that has the least and if we already know what your problem is, there should be no surprises).
The problem with this is that usually they don’t change.They miss you because they miss what they had. And sometimes in your effort to help a Wolf, you’ll go above and beyond for them in order to make something work THE FIRST TIME. You’re an extreme version of yourself. So really, they miss something that really was just a result of the circumstances.
Plus, you’re so busy looking for signs of them fucking up again that you can’t ever really give them a fair shake.
Not to mention the pressure from outsiders who were there the first time and feel as if you’re making “another mistake”. It dooms the relationship before it even gets off the ground.
^I love this reply Random.
I feel this situation will be another explosion by next year.
My Vixen is a good woman.
A “too good woman” that will bend over backwards to show she is.
Wolves take advantage of that and imo, get bored after a while.
Wolves like a little love with a little drama.
Especially these new age Wolves out here who think nice means put a rug on my back and throw me infront the front door.
Well its one thing to be a nice person, its another to renegade your boundaries, values, and standards for a man. Some of us believe we have to be what he wants in order for him to S-T-A-Y. Won’t say whats on your mind because it might drive him away. Doing things for him that are outside of ourselves because pleasing him means he’ll see how great you are and how you’re so down for his cause. We all sort of fall victim to it in the beginning because its sort of something we’re taught. We’ll answer all of his phone calls and immediate respond to all of his text because we don’t want to give him the impression that we aren’t interested. We’ll be into what he’s into even if it bores us to death. Be there for him and he’ll reciprocate is the basic idea. But that isn’t really how it works…
Wolves will push your boundaries to see how far they can go every single time. This usually occurs in the beginning. They’ll do little shady things like not call you when they say they will or say little slick comments to gauge your reaction. When they determine what they can and cannot get away with they often determine if they’d like to stick around. If you allow them to get away with pretty much anything they’ll get what they want out of you, tire of you, and move on. If you have boundaries and standards and you STICK TO THEM the ones who are worth it will stick around and the fickle and fleeting ones will distance themselves. And they should because they’re not worth your time.
^does it mean that the person doesn’t love themselves when they exhibit this kind of behavior…?
@Jamari.
Absolutely. Her lesson will be a hard one.
In reality, it’s going to take time for her to really come to that conclusion. And even when she does, there will always be a part of her that will continue to let that man back in. That’s just the way we as humans work.
As much shit as we talk, as much as we will sit up with our friends and rant and rave about a Wolf being “old news” and “no longer worth” our time, the truth is if the RIGHT Wolf came back, promising the thrill of a lifetime—in all the right ways, 9/10 we’ll let them come back.
Matters of the heart are never logical.
So quick to judge? No, that’s not it. It’s no longer judging a book by its cover and going on false assumptions AFTER you’ve met, gotten to know, dated, and subsequently been treated by poorly by someone. A lot of us have stopped following out gut instinct and started basing our relationships on a person’s potential. We’ll stick around with an asshole because we believe eventually he’ll see how great we are and then turn into someone else or back to that person he was before he took of the mask… FOR US. We’ve stopped focusing on a person’s actions and allow his words to be enough. As we all know men will tell you anything you want to hear without any hesitation or likelihood of following through.
Its actually a mixture of comfort and loneliness.We stick with what’s familiar even if its bad for us because we’re often to afraid to go out into the unknown and try something else. We’ll seek out or take these men back, not because we’ve seen that they’ve changed into better people or that it just “wasn’t the right time” the first hundred times he’s showed you who he is. We take them back because we don’t want to be alone. I know people who would rather be unhappy than be by themselves. We assume that we can hit the proverbial ‘reset’ button and start all over again. Only to find out that what was wrong in the first place creeps back up and you’re left wondering why you’re back in the same situation.
People change, sure. But in very small increments and not because of you forcing your love, kindness, and affection on them. If he’s treated you poorly once and you left, and he treated you poor again when you took him back, you cannot get upset if he continues to treat you poorly thereafter.
^this is why I am NOT giving her anymore love advice.
the shock of my life when she told me this…
…but in my gut, I already knew.
When she told me she sent an email – that was the wrap for me.
I judged her because she just seems like she cannot be alone.
she needs someone to validate her.
she needs drama in order to have something to talk about.
after 2 break ups… why go for a third?
maybe i am missing the point.
maybe i am not in her shoes.
i dunno..