Have you ever been told you’re not doing enough for God?

someone hit me with that last night,
and let me font you,
that shit didn’t sit right with me.

WTF does God want me to do?

i go to church,
pray,
and give gratitude for the big and small things.
i could understand if i was out here being evil and karma was out to get me.
believe or not,
i choose kindness over being a feral bitch 98% of the time.
am i supposed to sign some celestial contract in blood?
the wild part is if that was the case,
i’d be living like a king.
it’s moments like this where the whole “God thing” feels…

Confusing.

the bible’s full of stories where people had to endure hell just to get a taste of heaven.
elijah
jonah
moses
job
jeremiah
meanwhile,
others were out in those scriptural streets,
thriving and drinkin wine ‘n’ shit.
some of those biblical folks were so fed up they begged to die.
ironically,
it wasn’t until they shook their fists at the sky that God finally stepped in with the blessings.

This is the confusing part.

right now,
i’m caught in my own tug-of-war:

Light: remembering how God showed up before.
Dark: feeling the weight of the silence during the hard times I’m facing atm.

… only to be gaslit that “i’m not doing enough“.
does God realize how hurtful that is?

How do you keep believing when you’re told that you’re not good enough?