first and foremost,
i want to apologize if that entry came off like a suicide note.
that was not my intention at ALL.
i maybe in a knock down; drag out fight with the devil,
but he hasn’t won yet.
we still gotta few more rounds until i throw in the towel.
this is how it all started…

Continue reading “the fight of my life” →

i’m realizing something…
Continue reading “Stuff All Your Energy In Me (Real Deep)” →

sit lets have a talk.
one on one…
so you would be surprised who reads my site.
i have a ton of lurkers from all walks of life.
i have some industry lurkers who also check me out.
i feel this should go out to them,
especially after that kevin terry debacle that happened today.
this is for ANYONE already in the public eye,
pursuing a career in the public eye,
or simply have a lot to lose in life.
pay attention…
Continue reading “This Goes Out To You! Yeah YOU!” →

does diddy have secrets?
does he require a below age limit with potential jumps?
well he may according to music manager jimmy henchmen,
who is currently facing life for selling serious amounts of coke.
the feds decided to quiz him on who in the industry has a pedo van on sesame street.
diddy’s name was also brought up and well…

Continue reading “Was Diddy Playing “Take Dat, Take Dat” With The Kids?” →

FOXMAIL

Hey Jamari. Hope all is well. I figure I try this receiving advice thing out. You always have something insightful to say. Would like to get you opinion on this. So here goes:

How did I Turn into the enemy?

I’m a wolf. D.L or discreet wolf if you give me a label. In plain terms a bisexual male. After conversing with a very close friend, something unsettling came up. My friend is an openly homosexual male. Having one of our ever so often “real” conversations he called me “the enemy”, a “guys guy”. My look of confusion must have invoked a explanation. He explain to me that I am the guy that “wants my cake and eat it too”. My friend explained I say I want commitment but do not really want it, end up in different beds “looking” for it and breaks hearts while I look for someone I know is a “dream”. I knew his statement came from a honest place so I did not take offense. This is honestly a very close friend. One of the very few who know the lifestyle I live. I just laughed it off. I denied his accusation  and we moved on but it caused me to really reflect.

Am I now the enemy?

I remember when I decided I was going to be honestly with myself at 21 yrs old . I was bisexual and no matter how much I denied it would not not go away.  It was not just a phase.  And suppressing it was making the urges stronger and me go silently insane. So I decided I owe myself the chance. I told myself that “I rather have one person of substance than many of no value” living this lifestyle change. I wanted one fox or hybrid and just enjoy it, give my best. I said I would not have pointless sex or many partners. I would be as honest with them (as I can be). Not play games. Just give it my all and would not settle. I will just concentrate on that one . I will be in search for that one.

Needless to say I have drifted from my goal. My friend’s statement  made me realize something I saw but tried to deny. I’m 23 at the moment and still “in search”.  I have done everything I did not want to do. I settled, body count on the raise, pointless sex, meaningless interactions, “talking” to more than one, being honest but withholding information (still lying),  playing the game before I get played and now unsure if I want “that one”.

How did this happen?
How did I become the dudes that did me wrong in this process?
The irony.
Am I the only one this happen to?
Is there any turning back?

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: Am I The Big Bad Wolf For Being In A lot of Foxhole?” →

today was a day.
it was pretty eventful to say the least.
it felt like a climb up a very large mountain.
one of many i have climbed recently.
after i wrote the two entries earlier,
i got my clothes together and left the crib.
it was hotter than i expected so i was covered in sweat.
i couldn’t stop sweating.
i was on the train probably looking greasy as hell.
i had an appointment with my new business manager.
yes.
the fox is in business.
well trying to be…
Continue reading “Minding My Business (Long Distance)” →