i’m getting on my knees tonight.
my boss and liar liar are not in.
when i asked god for a good week ahead,
he definitely came through with this good start.
so i called star fox’s mother to see how she was doing.
i like to check in on her from time to time.
we have gotten pretty closer as the year went on.
we got into a nice convo about the subject:

“giving god complete control of our life”

a subject and way of life i’m not good at.
last week,
i saw a quote from rihanna in the new harper’s bazaar.
it stuck with me.
the question the interviewer asked her was about her being fearless.
she said:

“R: I think I’m like most people—we fear the unknown and the things that have yet to come to pass, which are the very things that don’t deserve to be feared. When you give God complete control, it’s very hard not to be fearless.”

i found that answer so interesting.
i admire her for her attitude.
i’m sure she has issues,
but as you can tell,
she barely ever has fucks to give.
so that lead into the discussion today.
she gave me a link and told me only when i’m ready to say this prayer.
its the “prayer of surrendering”.
i’m ready to do it tonight before bed,
but i wanted to share it with the foxhole who is also ready.
so whenever you are ready to give up control,
this is what you need to say…
Continue reading “(I Want U) Control Me” →

so you all are definitely my foxhole.
i saw this video earlier today and thought of you.
you all obviously blew up my emails so i know you were thinking of me.
you know i love god.
my twitter feed on sunday is filled with notes from td jakes sermon.
god also knows that i love wolves.
he okay with that.
we already discussed.
well this one church hyena didn’t feel the same way.
god obviously hasn’t spoken to him yet.
 he went back into the holy ghost closet at the 107th Holy Convocation.
well… Continue reading “That Being Said, I’m Not Gay Anymore! (God Changed Me!)” →

if you know me,
one of my favorite sentences in life is:

“i have a question?”

well since you all know me through this blog,
i have a question for all of you who read me daily.
have you ever asked yourself…

Am I doomed?
Can anyone honestly answer this?…

Continue reading “God, Forgive Them For Their Sins” →

an f-bi just sent me this video of antoine dodson having a potential nervous breakdown.
in this strange video,
he starts talking to god and then breaks down in tears.
i guess being “straight” isn’t all it was cracked up to be?…
Continue reading “Antoine Dodson Is Living A Hard “Straight” Life” →

while other people are using god to spew hate at people,
or a female pop star with a blonde wig filled with creole power,
i was being self absorbed and using my god for my purpose.
god came through today for my tough times.
he used one of my readers to do it.
i could not be ever so grateful.
funny enough,
i prayed the night of unemployment-gate and tried to let it go.
as hard as it was,
i focused my energy on writing that story and keeping myself occupied.
well he answered my prayers today and im feeling blessed.
im starting to realize you have to seriously “let go and let god”.
he’s still working on me,
but i’m learning as we work together.

not a bible thumper.
just grateful.

FOXMAIL

Hi Jamari,

First off let me say how much I appreciate you and what you do. I’ve had a rough couple of months and I can’t tell you how much your site has meant to me. I’m 22 and just recently graduated from NC State and like you I’m looking for work. Being at home has allowed me to do a lot of thinking about my life and where its going. It also has really forced me to come to terms with my sexuality. I’ve always known I was gay, but I guess I still had it in my mind that I would go through my life pretending not to be. I’ve realized that that is simply out of the question. Reading your blog has really helped me to start coming into my foxhood and for that I am so grateful. Everyday I look forward to what you are going to say, because it is always something insightful and amusing and always manages to lift my spirits. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with up and coming foxes like myself who are just trying to find their way. What you do is so important, and it really means the world to me.

Now, I hear you talk a lot about having faith and maintaining a relationship with God and I think that is really beautiful. I know that for the past 6 months or so I have been having a real crisis of faith. I grew up in a christian family, but not one of those crazy, cast out demons, speakin in tongues families thankfully. Anyway, my faith has always been important to me. I guess struggling with being gay was always something I could push to the back of my mind, but now that I’m getting older I’ve been thinking about it a lot. Sometimes I find myself asking if there even is a God? I know I’m not bound for hell. I know I’m a good person. But this whole situation is really testing me. Could you talk a little about your spiritual journey and how you’ve managed to keep your faith in spite of it all?

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: Im Being Tested With My Faith? Help!” →