now i remember why i hate memorial day weekend

when you share a deep and profound connection with someone,
it’s like your souls are intertwined forever.

you feel each other even when you’re miles apart or not speaking anymore.
when you think of someone and they reach out to you out the blue,
they were on the same spiritual wave as you.
even when someone randomly crosses your mind and you get stupid horny.
they were thinking of you sexually,
or thinking of you while they were having sex with someone else.
they call that remote seduction.

I believe that’s called a soul tie.

even when they’re no longer with us in the physical realm,
the connection remains,
although in a different form.

amidst all the chaos in my life,
i’ve been grappling with a deep and unexplained sadness.
it’s partly due to feeling overwhelmed and just done with it all,
but there was something more that i couldn’t explain.

And then it hit me like a ton of breaks…

I glanced at my calendar and realized I’m approaching the anniversary of Star Fox’s passing.

in a few days,
it’ll mark the loss of my best friend,

who was snatched away from all who cherished him in 2013.
whenever someone that i shared a deep connection with dies,
and that soul tie remains unbroken,
i find myself starting to mourn when they’re death date approaches.

at times like this when my life is so topsy-turvy,
I miss him terribly.

he was more than a friend; he was family.
he always told me that when he laid eyes for the first time,
he said he told God that we would be best friends.
that is the biggest thing that i admired about him.
i loved his courage,
seeing the best in people (unfortunately, that is what got his life taken),
and that he found his “mr. big wolf” while on earth…

But what truly captivated me was his unwavering faith and relationship with God.

if he were still here,
i’m certain he’d offer words of reassurance,
reminding me that God’s got this and it’s all part of a bigger plan somehow.
he’d pray and infuse me with the peace that everything will eventually be alright.

I miss you so Star Fox so much.
I wish you could let me know it’ll all be okay in an obvious sign I’d understand.

lowkey: i feel like i mourn star fox harder than my own mother.

1 thought on “now i remember why i hate memorial day weekend

  1. You and your mother had a contentious relationship. Star Fox kept you sane. Only natural to mourn the one who made you feel safe.

    Maybe go visit his gravesite? It’ll be difficult but you can have a “conversation” with him and maybe get out some feelings you have bottled up. I know people put off visiting. Just go and do it. Don’t plan. Spur of the moment or you’ll never go and keep procrastinating. It’s not easy but neither was the funeral, casket, etc. Trying your best to honor his memory will help you the most, but the pain will never be healed.

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