the funeral was actually really nice.
huge turn out.
it took me a minute to actually walk into the church initially.
i was scared.
super scared to see him in the casket.
super duper scared that i may drop and start bawling like a lost child.
my watery eyes hid behind sunglasses.
there lay the shell of my former friend.
he wore a nice tux and a skinny tie.
they knew that was his favorite.
i sat with his family and they embraced me.
they knew we were close that i almost thought they assumed we dated.
his ex surprised me.
he actually stuck really close to me.
we gonna talk about that in a sec…
anyway the thing about star fox is no one knew he had this “other” life.
a lot of wolves and foxes showed up in sprinkles.
some i’m sure he met within the lifestyle.
others he may have spoken to or messed with.
i instantly knew because they just came in,
paid their respects,
and sat down in the back.
the service was nice.
it felt more like a celebration of his short life than sadness.
i did show my natural born ass at the grave tho.
we all threw roses into the grave as they lowered him into the ground,
i dropped to my knees in tears.
his family wasn’t none the better.
i didn’t know how to handle it.
i was overcome with grief.
overall my friend is officially been sent home.
resting peacefully in his new home.
i still don’t believe it.
all i kept saying as i cried was “don’t leave me”.
after the funeral i went back to his parent’s house to eat.
they had a big lunch waiting for all the family and friends.
i saw no of the wolves and foxes in the church there.
this is where it goes from “sentimental moment” to “scandal episode”…
his ex was pretty much all over me the whole day.
would not leave my side.
even held my hand and hugged me.
i admitted to him that i hated him the way he did star fox.
he cheated on him.
he knew he was the love of star fox’s life and ruined it.
he admitted he was wrong.
he damn near broke down because he was sorry.
he also broke up with the hybrid he cheated on star fox with.
what i couldn’t admit out loud was that i was always attracted to him.
seeing him again brought back way too many thoughts.
“disgraceful fox hoe” was one.
the thoughts when star fox was alive.
the way he looked at me today,
even when we met couple years ago.
it also told me he was also attracted to me on the low.
his eyes always told another story.
star fox always talked about me to him,
but he was surprised when we met and i wasn’t some mud duck.
i hated myself for even thinking about him in “that way” today and even before.
even with all his shitty moments (see what did there?),
he wasn’t a bad person and actually has a good heart.
he just wasn’t ready to be committed to star fox.
he is still young and star fox hit him with some serious shit.
something he wasn’t use to.
he was used to being in control and fuckin’ the hell out of random tail.
he actually loved star fox.
he admitted all that today.
said he has changed.
we exchanged numbers innocently before i came home.
he said he wanted to hit me up.
chill and reminisce sometime.
he dropped all his old friends and is alone these days.
was that even right?
am i just vulnerable?
or am i a big time hoe ass nigga?
my friend is not even cold in the grave.
i don’t want star fox to come back and haunt my ass.
i feel terrible.