i’ve been extremely homophobic and i regret a lot of my behavior

i got an inter-forest dm from a foxholer a few days ago.
it was a thread on reddit they wanted me to discuss.
it was titled:

I’ve been extremely homophobic in the closet. I regret a lot of my behavior

…which i knew was gonna be juicy.
this is what was fonted:

This post is going to be weird, and if it’s inappropriate for this sub let me know:

I lurk here a little bit, and a post this week has been stuck in my head. It was something about an older, dl guy who bottoms for a guy but is extremely homophobic in his everyday life. This is very similar to my situation. I’m 21m, born and raised in a republican family. I have voted that way and expressed support in my everyday life, online, etc. I have also been extremely hateful about gay men, specifically more submissive ones. I have made countless jokes, memes, and rants against LGBTQ people. I would make fun of openly gay people in high school, don’t do this anymore but I still do a lot of bad talking about gay men in general and online.

All the while doing this, I’m a closeted gay man that has bottomed for dozens of guys. This is going to sound really stupid, but I guess I validated my adult homophobic behavior by my hookups not caring. A couple of my longtime f buddies I’ve opened up to this about and they thought it was hot being with a republican that acts the way I do irl. Except one who ghosted me after telling me off. In seeing how hurt this subreddit was by the other guy in the post, I have felt guilt for my actions. I’m making fun of people and being hateful for stuff I’m too embarrassed to admit to. I’ve been an incredibly shitty person, I’m really giving brief details but it’s not good at all what I have done.

I’m sorry if this post is upsetting. I feel like this was the best place to get this off my chest, and if you have any words for me, no matter how harsh, I’m all ears. I have done wrong to this community when I should be trying to fight the battle with you all. I don’t know if I can absolve what I’ve done but I’d like to try.

and these are my quick thoughts

1 – Kudos to growth!

2 –  I believe that people who are openly homophobic,
but having same-sex relations in the closet,
are living in shame for what they do and who they really are.
So what they do is they’ll try to cast the spotlight off them.
My thing is:

They do it when no one even brings up anything.

Their guilt and shame are so heavy,
they do it as a subconscious reflex when no one even asked.
They need to stop talking because it makes them look more guilty.
Any jackal who does that,
I’ve pegged them as getting pegged during the hours of 11 am and 3 am.

3 As I read the thread,
I realized many gay males need therapy.
This random came on there and admitted to their shitty behavior.
Many gays are in there being needy and self-absorbed.

“I was bullied by people like you!”

Did he bully YOU?

If so,
ya’ll need to have a private conversation.
If not,
YOU need to address this issue with YOUR BULLY.
stfu and find a therapist.

It annoys me to no end when people,
whether straight or gay,
bring their unresolved trauma to a stranger.
This story has NOTHING to do with half of these people in that thread,
but they choose to make it their issue because they want to be mad.
I bet half of these folks will be bullies over something else tho.
Some gay males love to be this way and are bullies in other avenues.

4 I might be different but I believe people can change.
All I can do is thank them for being honest and hope they try to change.
I feel pity for them they have to live a life that way.
It sounds mentally draining tbh.

5 Many males are like this and it’s wild to still see evidence.
Some people’s homophobia actually starts at home.
It seems to be a self-defense or protective mechanism.
Granted it’s hurting others but:

Hurt people; hurt people.

I actually appreciate seeing males come forward with their jackal ways.
We shouldn’t chase them away but show them grace for being brave.
Don’t we tell folks to live their truths?
so these types are taking steps to do that.

read the full thread: here

2 thoughts on “i’ve been extremely homophobic and i regret a lot of my behavior

  1. I ghosted someone like this. He was a DL music minister in a megachurch. I didn’t know that before we hooked up. While out to dinner, he started on some Caitlin Jenner/Eddie Bishop BS less than an hour after he had bounced on my… I was afraid that he was just setting himself up to be publicly outed and I did not want to be in his orbit when it happened. I might be dl and fluid but I definitely position myself as an ally and will say something when someone start spouting some homophobic BS.

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