Is That “Bad Mood” You’re Wearing? It Smells Divine!

4143315tumblr_ltfwwu9YnF1qbgarmo2_500so i’m a bad mood today.
look i’m entitled to five of those a year.
i used one today.
i’m not trying to let my circumstances pull me under,
but its definitely getting harder as the days go on…

tumblr_mlaufm00XJ1qlnr1fo1_500so president obama had his state of the union address last night.
“unemployment needs to be turned back on…”
“there needs to be more jobs…”
blah blah blah.
same ol same ol.
the republicans are the ones being jerk offs so he can talk until he is blue in the face.
i may need to stay off the aboutjobsearch ( x facebook ) and ( x blog ) as well.
the morale is definitely down round those parts.

tumblr_m2mzypr4q11r6bimdstar fox’s mother called me last night.
for once she asked me how i was.
usually the convo is mainly about star fox and how much we miss him.
well i was honest with her:

“well i’m surviving on tea and water.
i just had one of my last tv dinners.
i have only twenty dollars to my name and rent is next week.
unless they reinstate the unemployment benefits,
i’m pretty much screwed.
i’m actually really depressed,
but i’m not showing it.
i miss my best friend and have never felt so alone in my entire life.
all of my people are pretty much tumbleweeds.
being unemployed and the “dark horse” does that to people.
plus some of them have their own job/personal issues.
i keep praying to god,
but i’m scared he isn’t listening.
hell i even contemplated seeing a voodoo priest about having a spell put on my life.
maybe things will go right for a change…”

…afterwards it was quiet.
that awkward silence.
i thought she wasn’t listening anymore.
drowned me out in my rant.
why was she crying?
it made me cry.
she didn’t know i was struggling like that.
she knows i’m a pretty independent person.
out of all star fox’s friends,
she knows i’m always busy with work.
well her family is having their own issues,
but she offered to give me 50 dollars for groceries.
i accepted even though i felt so low and embarrassed.
has my life come to this now?

original-6this morning,
i woke up again at 5am.
i put on some tea,
brought my laptop on the floor,
and went to the various job search sites in my bookmarks.
i filled out close to 50+ applications today.
same shit; different toilet.
some now don’t ask you to fill out a fuckin personality test anyone.
i do hate the “what race are you?” question.
sometimes i’m scared to answer that i’m black.
well i want these republican assholes to know i’m trying my hardest.
they can lick every inch of my asshole if they think otherwise.

tumblr_lz936fNFIi1ql0ftco1_400i also decided to send one of the presidents of my old job an email today as well.
he is jewish,
well respected,
and i always looked up to him.
the first time we met,
he said to me:

“your tie looks like shit.”

why a couple days later he came up to me with a bunch of ties?
i knew he was the one after that.
he use to always hook me up with various things like basketball tickets and clothes.
he even wanted me to work under his department at one point,
but since my loyalty remained with my ex boss,
i had to decline the offer.
i still assisted him whenever he needed me.
it got to the point he would only request me to help with his tasks.
i took a risk this morning with the email,
wondering if he forgot about me,
but this is what he responded:

“Of course I remember you, Jamari. How could I forget? You always had a friendly deposition and always carried out your duties when assigned. You were a pleasure to work with and its a shame they couldn’t see that. Since I didn’t hire you, I cannot be a professional reference for you, but I can be a personal one. You can use me as much as you would like. Good luck!”

when i saw that reply,
i cried.
hell i’m crying now.
sorry i know.
*grabs kleenex*
he and so many others can see that,
yet i can’t find a fuckin’ job to save my life?
every interview is lead to bullshit.
i’m so tired of all these false promises.
the assholes who did me wrong are working,
able to eat,
and don’t give a fuck about anything else.
i’m here struggling to survive,
trying to keep my mind from going into the dark places.
well i’m tired.
i’m tired of being “the nice guy”.
tired of it all.
i want everyone who did me wrong to feel my wrath.
i want them to pay for putting me in this position to suffer.
i can understand if i was a bad person or a horrible worker.
i got fired with no complaints for god sakes.
its not fair.
not fair at all.
fuck everyone.
my anger wants to go after everyone who did me wrong.
i don’t know how,
but when i do,
i’m going to keep going until they understand just how i feel.


Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

14 thoughts on “Is That “Bad Mood” You’re Wearing? It Smells Divine!”

  1. Im a little late reading this entry, but please dont give up.Many of us in the foxhole have been dealing with job issues in this tough economy. I have been fortunate enough to survive for a couple of years on savings and working temp jobs for low pay but even my temp jobs have ended and I have been in a little depression since before xmas but coming here and reading entries have given me encouragement and strength to hang in there and not give up. My attitude has been so much better since 2014 started, I just stop worrying about everything, and realize things happen for a reason to teach us some type of life lesson. I been focusing on the past and how good things really were as compared to now. I left a well paying job because I was miserable thinking I would be able to find another one easily. I wasnt worried at first because I had a fat savings account but not budgeting and still living like I did while I was working quickly ate my money up. I have learned how to budget and literally live just to survive no more luxuries but I am ok with that. Well I said all that to say, I went on a job interview on yesterday not expecting much but hopeful because I have been let down so many times and I understand the pain everyone on here expresses on the regular about people not caring about you because they have a job. Well this morning I get a email and was told I was one of the candidates picked for the job. I am in shock and its hard to believe I keep thinking they are going to tell me its not happening. I cant even feel good about it because I have been down so long that I wont believe it until I actually signed the paperwork. I have a couple of friends praying for me and being positive and it paid off in the end. This is so random and unexpected and this has happened within a weeks time so I know that anything is possible. I am going to appreciate this opportunity and not take it for granted like I have did in the past because I have been on the other side. I am positive and praying that we will all have our moment to shine in 2014 and things are going to work out for us all.

  2. Hey J, have you considered working for the city? Now I don’t have too much info on this, but I do know that both of my parents work for the city b/c it’s one of the last good jobs. When everyone started to let ppl go left and right the city just gave people a pay cut and less sick time. I recommend you take a look into it and find out deeper facts but I hope it helps…

  3. Sorry Holmes I mean a physical address. Auto correct is annoying so I can mail them to u

  4. ^thanks ty and everyone.
    i try my hardest and its just bs especially from these jobs.
    i prayed last night for some guidance,
    but i’m always praying for guidance and protection.
    i dunno anymore.
    i decided to throw all my issues in a box and hand it to god.
    beyonce said she did them same when destiny’s child broke up the first time.
    she was depressed and gave god a box with all her issues.
    look at her now.

  5. So…I am kind of laughing at this post only because I am having similar issues and it amazes me how I am in good company. So here is my encouragement to myself and to everyone else who is having the similar issues.

    I am currently exploring how to use my talents to invest in myself, yep how to make all my gifts work towards my benefit. It is exhausting to say the least to always give out the best you can and then have people use it and then discard you as if they are better or can do better. It is even more insulting when they later acknowledge that the quality of things has gone down without you, only because it proves that you made their lives, jobs and existence easier and they didn’t even realize it because you were so good at it.

    However, that means that this set back was GOD’s way of removing you from a relationship where you were under appreciated and under valued.and though it is difficult he has something better and greater for you.

    Jamari I would honestly recommend you look into being a freelance writer for a magazine or some company that needs insightful yet entertaining commentary, PR firm or the likes….cause your talents can truly be used.

    1. ^thanks focused.
      i have been looking into it.
      i would love to do that.
      that is my dream to work for a reputable pr firm or even be a writer a la “sex and the city”.
      the issue with those places is the typical “you need to know someone who knows someone”.

  6. I’m sorry to to hear things are this bad for you. Wish I could help in some way bro. I know it feels like you have been struggling forever. God is going to come through for you.

  7. Holmes sooner or later something has to give. I know of some mysteryshop sites. There are Legitimate mystery shopping opportunities are out there, but so are plenty of scams. If an opportunity is on the up and up, you won’t have to pay an application fee or deposit a check and wire money on to someone else.

    that you can make a steady flow of money from once you get started. Maybe they can help in the long run.

    These two I know are legitimate. You cab check and see if they have any. Some do take a while to pay like the next month or so but once you start don’t stop.

    You just have to keep your head up. I have grocery gift cards depending on where u live that have tons of moneyon them, like WhWhole Foods. Just tell me where to send email!

  8. I’m going through the exact same thing.I even had to go through an interview where there was awkward silence.I got called for an interview.I show up, they tell me to wait.I waited an hour, then the worker comes out and says “Sorry you waited so long, nobody told us you were here.”I assumed the lady at the front desk called and told them I was there.Anyways, they interview me and then I had to wait another hour for the next interview.They said “Sorry again, we’re running a little behind today.”I’m like see, that’s means they need more people but of course, I ain’t heard from them in months.

    I also hate answering the “what race are you” because one day I decided to mark “Two races or more” and I got a call after months of getting no calls.I bet when I showed up they were disappointed.They were probably thinking “Where is the biracial goodness at, I know this Black motherfucker ain’t it.”

    They really need to get rid of the race category if they claim it’s not important.

    I fooled em though.

    1. ^OMG that happened to me!!!!
      they had me sitting there like an asshole and decided to ask me if i was waiting for someone close before lunch.

      they have the “opt out” option for the race questions.
      i assumed NOT answering it will even prove your blackness more.

      1. Sorry you guys are going through the BS and I must say that J, you seem like you would be great in anything you do. What advice do you give someone that is going through the stress of finding a job because I’m sure you are tired of hearing, “Just hold your head up”, or “something will come thru “….or “continue to pray”….it can be frustrating but if you throw in the towel, then what is it that you are fighting for. I believe it will happen at the right time, in the right moment, at the right place so hold your fukking head up and keep putting those applications in 😉

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