so president obama had his state of the union address last night.
“unemployment needs to be turned back on…”
“there needs to be more jobs…”
blah blah blah.
same ol same ol.
the republicans are the ones being jerk offs so he can talk until he is blue in the face.
i may need to stay off the aboutjobsearch ( x facebook ) and ( x blog ) as well.
the morale is definitely down round those parts.
“well i’m surviving on tea and water.
i just had one of my last tv dinners.
i have only twenty dollars to my name and rent is next week.
unless they reinstate the unemployment benefits,
i’m pretty much screwed.
i’m actually really depressed,
but i’m not showing it.
i miss my best friend and have never felt so alone in my entire life.
all of my people are pretty much tumbleweeds.
being unemployed and the “dark horse” does that to people.
plus some of them have their own job/personal issues.
i keep praying to god,
but i’m scared he isn’t listening.
hell i even contemplated seeing a voodoo priest about having a spell put on my life.
maybe things will go right for a change…”
…afterwards it was quiet.
that awkward silence.
i thought she wasn’t listening anymore.
drowned me out in my rant.
why was she crying?
it made me cry.
she didn’t know i was struggling like that.
she knows i’m a pretty independent person.
out of all star fox’s friends,
she knows i’m always busy with work.
well her family is having their own issues,
but she offered to give me 50 dollars for groceries.
i accepted even though i felt so low and embarrassed.
has my life come to this now?
i woke up again at 5am.
i put on some tea,
brought my laptop on the floor,
and went to the various job search sites in my bookmarks.
i filled out close to 50+ applications today.
same shit; different toilet.
some now don’t ask you to fill out a fuckin personality test anyone.
i do hate the “what race are you?” question.
sometimes i’m scared to answer that i’m black.
well i want these republican assholes to know i’m trying my hardest.
they can lick every inch of my asshole if they think otherwise.
“your tie looks like shit.”
why a couple days later he came up to me with a bunch of ties?
i knew he was the one after that.
he use to always hook me up with various things like basketball tickets and clothes.
he even wanted me to work under his department at one point,
but since my loyalty remained with my ex boss,
i had to decline the offer.
i still assisted him whenever he needed me.
it got to the point he would only request me to help with his tasks.
i took a risk this morning with the email,
wondering if he forgot about me,
but this is what he responded:
“Of course I remember you, Jamari. How could I forget? You always had a friendly deposition and always carried out your duties when assigned. You were a pleasure to work with and its a shame they couldn’t see that. Since I didn’t hire you, I cannot be a professional reference for you, but I can be a personal one. You can use me as much as you would like. Good luck!”
when i saw that reply,
hell i’m crying now.
sorry i know.
he and so many others can see that,
yet i can’t find a fuckin’ job to save my life?
every interview is lead to bullshit.
i’m so tired of all these false promises.
the assholes who did me wrong are working,
able to eat,
and don’t give a fuck about anything else.
i’m here struggling to survive,
trying to keep my mind from going into the dark places.
well i’m tired.
i’m tired of being “the nice guy”.
tired of it all.
i want everyone who did me wrong to feel my wrath.
i want them to pay for putting me in this position to suffer.
i can understand if i was a bad person or a horrible worker.
i got fired with no complaints for god sakes.
its not fair.
not fair at all.
my anger wants to go after everyone who did me wrong.
i don’t know how,
but when i do,
i’m going to keep going until they understand just how i feel.