you know what?
i’m gonna vent.
my therapist wants me to be more honest with my feelings so here we go…
I am so fuckin’ sick of feeling like nothing is working out for me.
I am so tired of feeling like I have footing only to be knocked back to the ground.
I don’t know if I am being tormented by the devil or if I’m some amusement for God.
I’m tired of feeling like I have to fight so hard for a good life.
I’m of feeling sick and tired yet I watch everyone having these amazing experiences and I’m struggling to keep my shit together.
Ever since last year it has been one thing after the next.
Like,
I don’t understand WTF is going on anymore but I’m not happy.
I’ve been feeling more disappointed in life than actually loving life.
I just wish I could have a moment of peace and wins that don’t last for what feels like a week.
God,
what do you want from me because the devil sure wants me to lose my shit.
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omg that felt good.
so many times,
i’ve felt like i’ve had to be perfect within my anger and frustration.
my therapist always wants me to acknowledge when things aren’t going well.
this was not what my entry line up for today was tbh.
I was trying update about some stories I saw,
while listening to this new J.LO album,
but her “lovey dovey” shit was annoying me HEAVY.
I can’t listen to love shit when I’m vex.
…so i put on eminem while i figure this out.
if you are frustrated about anything happening in your life,
feel free to drop your frustrations in my comment box.
this is a judgment free zone and sometimes you just need to vent.
I’m tired of being good.
I did it the right way.
I didn’t scam.
I didn’t take out PPP loans.
I didn’t bend the law.
I show up on time.
I do my job.
I pick up the slack.
Come in on my days off.
But the one who is late and lazy gets promoted.
Managers who can’t do half of what I do are on me as if I’m not the only one keeping everything together.
Why am I not successful?
I wish I was one of the lucky ones who break the law and don’t get caught.
I have no street smarts and feel like I could have started 500 businesses by now if I wasn’t so focused on “being a good Black example”.
There’s no safety net for me to experiment with ventures and fail.
But flops get chance after chance after chance.
I wish somebody took a chance on me.
I am proud of you for being able to have this clarity. Know that you are supported and loved man. 🙏🏾💪🏾
^thank you wily ❤️
Tina Turner, “Steel Claw.” Grace Jones, “Demolition Man.” Apply loudly and regularly until the funk subsides. Scream and dance with the music, too, and warn anyone NOT TO ENTER if they hear either tune reverberating from your abode.
^thank you jim for this.
i’m glad i went off because it helped me calm down.