i had resentment toward tevin campbell as a kid

when i was a kid,
i did not like tevin campbell.
it wasn’t because of his talent because he can sang.
i would hear his music on the radio,
and even tho i liked what i heard,
i would feel resentment towards him because of one reason…

My bullies use to say I acted like Tevin Campbell and would use that to torment me.

i could always tell tevin was gay.
i saw myself in him and looked similar.
as someone who was always being picked on for being a sissy or gay,
i felt people could “tell” and that really brought me shame.
so i tried to butch it up so i could hide my biggest demon.
what’s ironic is i knew so many vixens who had crushes on tevin as a kid.

i might have taken it the wrong way and in trying to hide myself,
it made me even more obvious.

the other night,
as a more confident and secure adult fox,
i listened to his “i’m ready” album for the first time.

it had all the songs i remembered.
it made me sad that i missed out on such talent because i was struggling.
i don’t think i ever watched his videos in full tbh.
i was pretty bad when i was homophobic against myself.
i’ve been listening to his album and really enjoying it.
these two songs have been on repeat:

 

one of my fav songs that my mother really liked as well:

 

this song always brings back memories of riding in her car,
bbqs,
and good times.

I dunno if the foxhole is picking up what I’m putting down.

When someone is struggling with their sexuality,
they may want nothing to do with you like I wanted to do with Tevin Campbell.
It’s their own insecurities being passed off to you.
They’ll act cold,
distant,
and even abusive because you are a reminder of what they are.
You are a mirror and show a secret they are trying to keep hidden.
It made me think about certain wolves who kept their distance from me,
but like Tevin’s music for me,
they secretly did like me and actually liked my vibe all along.

i think as we start to grow up,
and with social media allowing us to find people from our pasts,
we may start hearing from those who feel comfortable telling us the truth.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

6 thoughts on “i had resentment toward tevin campbell as a kid”

  1. I understand your emotions. It is true that people repel you because you are reflecting their inner sanctum.
    Two or three dudes I have chilled with who rattled off the usual insults at me when we were in high school have succumbed to my charms. And as adults, they sought me out. They were secretly crushing on me, as I was a obviously femme teenager, while trying to deflect from themselves. Everyday, PE was torture in a way. When we headed to the showers: I saw everyone’s business. And a lot of them had BIG BIG BUSINESS.šŸ˜œšŸ˜. However, they were looking at me and I had no clue I recently saw Tevin on TV1 Uncensored, he is interesting.

  2. Iā€™m a lot older than you, so my feelings are different. I was HEARTBROKEN to see him repackaged as a teen heartthrob rather than the fantastically gifted singer he is. He was growing into himself while being forced in the closet. Pity.

  3. Tevin was someone I really looked up to growing up. Even though I could sing…I wanted to SANG like him!!!! His albums are still my favorite!!!

  4. I grew up in the Tevin era. He can sing no wrong for me. When he came out i was thankful for HIM as he was on a slippery slope with drugs heading to the nearest cemetery. Happy he has realized his life is his and his fans cannot live it for him. He suffered as Michael of being famous at a young age and no one gave him the chance to grow up. Tevin will always be my number1 singer! LOVE HIM

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: