i saw a tweet thread today that had me laughing so loud:
for anyone on the corporate america ship,
or any professional situation,
there is a certain email language you have to use.
you can’t be responding with all the rah rah.
i know you want to,
but please don’t.
there is a lot of passive aggressive clapbackingtons.
whether it is from:
your boss
the bitch a few cubicles over
someone in a totally different department
even in industry.
the “paper trail” will keep you from getting caught up.
you have to learn how to successful font to ace it tho.
it took me a while,
but i’m a beast with my work emails.
i’m always down for a dumb ass to try it.
so i’m here to show the foxhole how to use certain phrases.
i use most of these from time to time….
“per our last email…”
that’s when i’m trying to figure out why my shit wasn’t answered.
clearly the hyena is working on their comeback.
i like to send that the next day when i don’t hear an answer.
“i just want to come full circle on this..”
“just following up again…”
“resending my email from (date) for your reference. please let me know if you need anything further.”
“reattached for your convenience”
“not sure if my email made it to you as I haven’t heard back…”
if you want to be a real bitch,
forward the email and put:
“see below”
****
“please advise”
that should always go in the body of the email at the end.
example:
“hey tremaine,
i need to know when i’m riding you like public transit?
please advise.
jamari fox”
that means you need an answer ASAP.
so it’s up to them to follow up with an answer.
it could also be spun like this:
“please advise if there is any disagreement with my recap of the conversation…”
that means we talked in person,
but i’m letting you read what you said.
this is where they can add anything you may have missed.
if they come at me crazy tho,
ima pull this entire email out on your ass.
****
the word “per” in general
it is the “corporate” way of saying “we had a conversation”.
let’s say you spoke,
in person,
to your manager who is out to get you.
after that meeting,
always send a follow up email:
“per our conversation…”
“per our last meeting…”
…and restate everything they said in the meeting.
that way,
you are both clear on the expectations.
they also know you keep records and will thread lightly.
****
“according to my records…”
this is when you have heavy receipts.
you should present any documents,
pdfs,
bullet points,
highlights,
or any other evidence to cover your ass.
i like to make a folder in my outlook just in case.
i call it “sketch”.
a lot of people use “cya (cover your ass).
****
i like to save my “thank you” for those who deserve it.
let’s say you answered me on time or everything went smooth.
if nothing like the above happened,
you get:
JAMARI FOX
just my name before my signature.
that lets you know i think you’re a dumb ass and i’m on to you.
****
“cc” and “bcc”
a “cc” can be good or bad.
if you are “cc’d” on an email,
it could mean they want their assistant forwarded on things.
if you see your bosses or supervisors on the cc,
that could mean they are trying to trap you up.
read the email carefully and get your receipts on deck.
with a “bcc”,
it means you have a hidden audience.
“bcc” means you can’t see the recipients in the email.
anyone could be reading it.
folks in corporate are shady af.
you can use “bcc” to your advantage as well.
if you ever feel like you are getting caught up,
don’t ever be afraid to attach their/your boss(es) as a “bcc”.
that should always be your final card to play.
that could end badly if you don’t follow that up skillfully.
use “bcc” with discretion.
use “cc” when you need to make sure you’re covered.
your boss or supervisor should be in your cc.
****
some foxhole tips to consider:
- look up big words to really stun em.
i saw these in that twitter thread:“for your edification…”
“let me begin by resetting expectations.”omg what?!
i love it. - this is a good one for those micromanaging bi polar bosses:
“my apologies,
i wasn’t aware that i should have been doing _____ while also doing ______”
- if you think a meeting is the next step:
“if you’d like to discuss this further, i’d be happy to arrange a call”
“…i’d be happy to schedule time on my calendar”
if you want your boss to handle it from there on out:
“feel free to reach out to my manager (CC’d)
****
make sure to sniff over this thread and take anything you need:
x READ THE ENTIRE TWEET THREAD HERE
a good fox/wolf/hybrid is always prepared.
lowkey: i always like to start my emails with…
“dear “so/so”,
i hope this email sees you well…”
i like to be disarm before i strike.
PS Do anyone have some good resume writing tips? I’m noticing my starting to look like the status quo.
I hate all this shit, but sometimes you have to go there, especially when they’re copying your superior.
I hate that and I don’t do it to other people unless I really have to cover my ass.
My favorite in “Thanks in advance!” lol
^it’s the worse,
but it’s how you gotta operate in corporate to save your ass.
i like a “warm regards” when im feeling real nice nasty lololol
it’s a must these days. people tend to have poor work ethics and when it gets rough they resort to throwing everybody else under the short bus they been riding all along. I can’t tell you how many times people have attempted to throw me under a bus until I show receipts. it has saved my reputation more than once. scary thing is I didn’t even know they were plotting until my manager actually started to believe the BS because the only narrator telling the story was a lazy hater who was jealous they weren’t top dog. I just wanted to do a good job but others are threatened that you are trying to take a spot that isn’t theirs nor one you want.
^i feel this on a spiritual level.
i am 110% with you t.
wow.
Don’t forget the email to document a conversation. “As discussed” or”As a follow up to our conversation”
People are quick to say nothing was discussed or you didn’t tell them something
^yes!
this is why you limit all verbal communication to emails.
that way,
they can’t switch up.
indeed. people wonder why I always say send me an email….lol
And always BCC all copies of emails to yourself!
^ learned that tidbit at my last job, where sup/mgrs would lie and said people didnt do things they were asked to do.
Just got inducted into the unemployment line today. lol So, will start looking, starting next week. Just gonna let it hit and settle in over the weekend and start to get shit together to start updating my resume and start applying next week. Trying not to let my head hit the ” i dont give a fuck” head space. Will see if I can find something w/i the next 2 weeks to a month before hitting up unemployment. I really would like to take the time to start looking in NYC again. My problem is, I have to wrap up this year here before I can leave the state (other obligations). My luck is, I will have something being offered that I cant take. I will say, I dont know if its numbness OR the relief of not having to deal with that shit and the horrible hours. The hours really took a toll. Its hard to go from having a work life balance and then having mofos, just throw you on a shitty ass shift. And have them act like, they dont know whats going on with you! I am so indifferent at the moment. lol Just gonna hold on to that until, I really get hit with the unemployment blues.
^omg slay I’m sorry!
you are doing the right thing.
as i learned,
don’t take too long when looking for another job.
you do need to refocus tho.
so if a weekend is all you need,
then go for it.
it is for the best anyway.
if it wasn’t a good job,
then it was a much needed release to something better!
Thanks J! If it wasnt for the shitty hours, I would still be trying to hold on. Despite, knowing I should have left about a good year ago. So, hopefully, I will find something to carry me out to the end of the year. And start focusing on NYC at the top of the new year.