i saw a tweet thread today that had me laughing so loud:
for anyone on the corporate america ship,
or any professional situation,
there is a certain email language you have to use.
you can’t be responding with all the rah rah.
i know you want to,
but please don’t.
there is a lot of passive aggressive clapbackingtons.
whether it is from:
the bitch a few cubicles over
someone in a totally different department
even in industry.
the “paper trail” will keep you from getting caught up.
you have to learn how to successful font to ace it tho.
it took me a while,
but i’m a beast with my work emails.
i’m always down for a dumb ass to try it.
so i’m here to show the foxhole how to use certain phrases.
i use most of these from time to time….
“per our last email…”
that’s when i’m trying to figure out why my shit wasn’t answered.
clearly the hyena is working on their comeback.
i like to send that the next day when i don’t hear an answer.
“i just want to come full circle on this..”
“just following up again…”
“resending my email from (date) for your reference. please let me know if you need anything further.”
“reattached for your convenience”
“not sure if my email made it to you as I haven’t heard back…”
if you want to be a real bitch,
forward the email and put:
that should always go in the body of the email at the end.
i need to know when i’m riding you like public transit?
that means you need an answer ASAP.
so it’s up to them to follow up with an answer.
it could also be spun like this:
“please advise if there is any disagreement with my recap of the conversation…”
that means we talked in person,
but i’m letting you read what you said.
this is where they can add anything you may have missed.
if they come at me crazy tho,
ima pull this entire email out on your ass.
the word “per” in general
it is the “corporate” way of saying “we had a conversation”.
let’s say you spoke,
to your manager who is out to get you.
after that meeting,
always send a follow up email:
“per our conversation…”
“per our last meeting…”
…and restate everything they said in the meeting.
you are both clear on the expectations.
they also know you keep records and will thread lightly.
“according to my records…”
this is when you have heavy receipts.
you should present any documents,
or any other evidence to cover your ass.
i like to make a folder in my outlook just in case.
i call it “sketch”.
a lot of people use “cya (cover your ass).
i like to save my “thank you” for those who deserve it.
let’s say you answered me on time or everything went smooth.
if nothing like the above happened,
just my name before my signature.
that lets you know i think you’re a dumb ass and i’m on to you.
“cc” and “bcc”
a “cc” can be good or bad.
if you are “cc’d” on an email,
it could mean they want their assistant forwarded on things.
if you see your bosses or supervisors on the cc,
that could mean they are trying to trap you up.
read the email carefully and get your receipts on deck.
with a “bcc”,
it means you have a hidden audience.
“bcc” means you can’t see the recipients in the email.
anyone could be reading it.
folks in corporate are shady af.
you can use “bcc” to your advantage as well.
if you ever feel like you are getting caught up,
don’t ever be afraid to attach their/your boss(es) as a “bcc”.
that should always be your final card to play.
that could end badly if you don’t follow that up skillfully.
use “bcc” with discretion.
use “cc” when you need to make sure you’re covered.
your boss or supervisor should be in your cc.
some foxhole tips to consider:
- look up big words to really stun em.
i saw these in that twitter thread:
“for your edification…”
“let me begin by resetting expectations.”
i love it.
- this is a good one for those micromanaging bi polar bosses:
i wasn’t aware that i should have been doing _____ while also doing ______”
- if you think a meeting is the next step:
“if you’d like to discuss this further, i’d be happy to arrange a call”
“…i’d be happy to schedule time on my calendar”
if you want your boss to handle it from there on out:
“feel free to reach out to my manager (CC’d)
make sure to sniff over this thread and take anything you need:
a good fox/wolf/hybrid is always prepared.
lowkey: i always like to start my emails with…
i hope this email sees you well…”
i like to be disarm before i strike.