Hop Your Ass Off The DL Bandwagon Please

Well, not that kind of fall.
But, this letter was written to Vixens who think everyone is DL…
Surprisingly from Essence magazine…

Click the image to open in full size.

I never bought into the whole down low hype. It made for bestselling urban lit books and a hot talk show topic and it sure gave ladies pause to analyze everything about a guy, from the way he holds his napkin to the way he hails a cab. But I always felt like it was a sensationalized trending topic, another manufactured epidemic, a way to make more headlines sing by capitalizing on the dysfunction of the Black community. Like extra extra! Not only do they have the highest rates of heart disease and incarceration and violent deaths and broken homes and women who have an infinitesimal chance of getting married, but now their men are all on the undercover brother watch list, too.

I’m not saying there aren’t dudes living on the so-called down low. Do men struggling with their sexual identity sometimes pretend to be something they’re not? Sure. There are plenty of those—Black, White, Indian, Cambodian, whatever. But the proportions and rates got completely and totally out of proportion for us because, well, we like to have something to talk about at the hairdresser and barber shop. And with every man a moving target for suspicion, it’s been kind of absorbed into our culture as a way to call a dude’s masculinity into question.

Tameka Raymond unwittingly brought the issue to light again with her mini-rant on Twitter, suggesting that gay guys should be tagged like migrating geese so that we can identify them and distinguish them from the rest of the flock. She isn’t the first woman to lament that Black men who may be gay—out or not—are getting harder and harder to spot. But she is in the middle of a custody battle for her two sons with a superstar ex-husband who has had more than his fair share of rumors about his sexuality. Gossip blogs are flapping about the innuendo.

The Game also chimed in—because every so often, someone dusts him off and brings him out of obscurity to make a racy, head-scratching comment, and he rarely disappoints. This time, he said in an interview with VLADTV: “Game don’t have a problem with gay people,” he assured us. “Game has a problem with people that are pretending not to be gay but that are gay. Because the number one issue with that is that you could be fooling somebody and you could give them AIDS and they can die.”

First of all, who in the blazes, besides Elmo from Sesame Street and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, refers to himself in the third person in public? Not just once, but twice in one statement? It kind of threw me off to have someone look at the camera, not even in the middle of 16 bars, and say their own name as part of their thought process. Janelle is trying it out and she thinks it’s pretty lame.

Secondly, in the midst of his sincere fault-finding with the down-low lifestyle, he perpetuates a myth that HIV is percolating among gay folks and that men who are engaging in homosexual behaviors are bringing it over the fence. Not so. Weigh the number of times a man pretending to be straight has, wittingly or not, infected his unsuspecting wife or girlfriend with HIV against the number of times a straight man has been out in the world slanging his man parts without a condom on and spreading the disease all around, received by a woman who didn’t have the good sense to insist he strap up (or strap up herself). Or the gal who, still making in-the-heat of the moment sexual decisions based on a crazy belief that she can tell just by looking at a guy or getting all lovey dovey and forgetting to love herself enough to protect her body. They’re the far more likely culprits.

The down low phenomena has skewed folks’ perception of what’s feeding this HIV/ AIDS beast. It’s allowed people to skirt responsibility for what is glaringly true: ain’t no way, no how the small population of men who are living an undercover homosexual
lifestyle could be responsible for the out-of-control rate of HIV infection in our community. Nope. There are still folks running around here—on college campuses, at the new club downtown, even now, bless the Lord, in retirement communities, where the HIV rate has skyrocketed—who are thinking with their crotches, not their common sense. We can lull ourselves into a false sense of comfort that down low brothers are the root of our HIV epidemic or even list them as a real problem in our relationships. But it’s an old myth in a tired storyline.

Source: Essence

Well…
I will say I agree 75% with this article.
I feel like Vixens DO gas up the whole DL thing.
BUT… I will say working in the industry,
that is one big DL fuck fest so I can sympathize.

One thing I have noticed…
Vixens say the word “DL” too loosely.
How can one be DL if I can tell they are gay?
The true meaning of DL is they look so STRAIGHT that you cannot tell.
They look like regular masculine Wolves.
They also have Vixens on their arms, can be hoes, and even be married.
Only time you can “tell” is when rumors start flying.
That is like saying Tevin Campbell is DL.
NOPE.
The ROCK would be someone who would be the perfect DL.
We, the audience, would not suspect a single thing…

So, what do you think of this Essence article?

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

23 thoughts on “Hop Your Ass Off The DL Bandwagon Please

  1. Maybe…JUST maybe – since a Black woman wrote it, they’ll listen. I’m not holding my breath, though

  2. Jamari I haven’t witnessed a lot of women talking about this DL phenomenon, so I don’t think they really think about it as much as we probably think. This article is full of stuff we already know.

  3. I think we as people, but in particular the black community, need to get away from using the term altogether. At the end of the day, what does it matter who someone sleeps with? Does that somehow compromise his ability to be a man?

    Lets say a man is sleeping with men and meets a woman he wants to settle down with. He does everything a man should do and supports the household. Does the fact he used to sleep with men somehow diminish his capacity to be a loving husband?

    What makes a man who’s had a relationship with another man anymore dangerous than a man who doesn’t? We’re all susceptible to the disease, homosexual or not.

    People need to start being more honest with themselves and learn to be better communicators with the people they’re with. Women (in particular) need to be more honest about the men that they want versus the men that they need. They (like foxes) fall in love with the fantasy, not the man and that’s a problem.

    I’ve always believed (and still believe to this day) people are far more bisexual than they’ll ever be heterosexual. If I could show you all the men I personally know of who get down with other men, it would blow Vixens’ minds. These are the very men they’re dating and marrying. Yes, the man with the fitted, muscles, and tattoos that you lust over on college campuses and at social events has sex with men.

    But that’s okay with them as long as they have no idea. They find comfort in NOT knowing.

    1. ^i think in the black community,
      it is a serious: “dont ask; dont tell”.
      vixens do not care if the masculine muscular man is gay…. unless they want to fuck him.
      vixens will hee hee about a man being gay UNTIL he is fine as hell and looks like he could make a good participant to mate and have kids with.

  4. The Man :
    Jamari I haven’t witnessed a lot of women talking about this DL phenomenon, so I don’t think they really think about it as much as we probably think. This article is full of stuff we already know.

    It’s not as talked about, but it’s still a concern.
    The irony is that we’re moving into a more inclusive age where sexuality doesn’t matter AS MUCH as it used to (in big cities, in particular) and the older generation is learning from the youth (http://www.danoah.com/2012/04/a-teens-brave-response-to-im-christian-unless-youre-gay.html).

  5. Also to add: i believe everyone has a little bi in them.
    and the amount of straight wolves and vixens engaging in unprotected sex is bananas.
    so that whole “gay gives aids” mumbo jumbo is null and void.
    STUPIDITY gives people aids.

  6. #whoisjamarifox :
    ^i think in the black community,
    it is a serious: “dont ask; dont tell”.
    vixens do not care if the masculine muscular man is gay…. unless they want to fuck him.
    vixens will hee hee about a man being gay UNTIL he is fine as hell and looks like he could make a good participant to mate and have kids with.

    I agree.

  7. The chances of a fish ending up with a real DL wolf are very small. Like with what Jay said, most men who claim DL are lying and most can be spotted from a mile away. But fysh, in typical fysh fashion, find something to obsess about because it gives them something to do. I hate having to explain to them that no, he’s not gay or DL because he treats u like a human being. No he isn’t gay or DL because he has a gay friend. No he isn’t gay or DL because he isn’t interested in you.

    1. I tell chicks this all the time. No D.L. man is going to openly bring around a gay dude. You should be leery of the one who gets upset just because he thinks a gay dude is “looking at him wrong”, not the one who isn’t afraid to be around/befriend gay dudes. That’s true most of the time.

  8. UrSoVain :

    They kill me with all that. I have no sympathy for black women when it comes to dating. None.

    nope.
    some of them fuck the WRONG Wolves.
    some of these wolves do not deserve their dicks in their holes… PERIOD.
    they play “miss cap’n save a negro” and end up being trapped in all kinds of bullshit.

  9. …and dudes don’t do the same thing? Lol sorry you left yourself open for that one.

    Granted there’s no doubt women have more options, but my theory is the bulk of us have bad dating habits that stem from a variety of things.

  10. #whoisjamarifox :
    ^good point.
    true DL throw women off being friendly to the open.
    it lowers the defenses of all parties.
    the ones who get all riled up are usual the biggest queens.

    Yea u gotta watch out for the ones who will bring around their best friend that they’re secretly fucking or the ones that are refined enough to be friendly with openly gay dudes. . I’ve met one of those. They’re usually very intelligent and master manipulators.

    Most dudes rather be safe and keep their double lives as separate as possible, but the really smart dude will be waving the dude he’s fucking right in his girls face. Then when they have that feeling something’s not right dude makes her think she’s crazy as hell.

    1. Jay, it is funny that you mention bringing the friend around. One of my relatives had a friend he would hang out with occasionally. Well, after seeing the friend in the mall one day, he gave me the “stare down.” I brushed it off until I ran into him again, and he made a move. That got me to wondering if my masculine relative gets down or not. I never said a word. They are no longer as cool, and to this day, I still do not know if he knows about his old friend. I was too nervous to ask him about my relative.

  11. JAY :
    I’m on a smashing hiatus. Good sex has me all in my feelings these days. I must be getting old. Lol

    Again? LOL. Weren’t you just on one? (Insert confused face here)

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