High Expectations = The Reason Most Of Us Are Depressed AF?

someone told me the reason i’m always disappointed,
and ultimately depressed,
is because of my high expectations.

jobs
wolves
folks
career aspirations

i’ve gone through life getting my hopes up about most things.
i create the “fantasy” scenario of how i’d hope things would work out.
that has been something i’ve been doing for years actually.
i figured that it was better than being pessimistic about life/love.
my parents taught me to wake up everyday and expect a great day.
welp…
it seems i might have been going about my life all wrong.
it could explain why i’ve been disappointed consistently.
so i’m starting to wonder

Should we go through life always expecting the worst?

i don’t mean you wake up expecting bad things to happen,
but realizing that the reality is that it won’t work out.
i’m also wondering…

Do you not put high expectations on everything/everyone,
so that when something amazing does happen,
you’ll actually be pleasantly surprised?

i’m trying to see what’s the right approach from now on.
i feel lost and need some advice to get back on the right track.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

14 thoughts on “High Expectations = The Reason Most Of Us Are Depressed AF?

  1. Nothing wrong with having high expectations at all.

    You just have to know how to deal with rejection, if and when things don’t go your way. Put yourself in the mindset that the particular moment isn’t due to happen yet, or that isn’t the person meant for you.

    NOBODY likes rejection…but it’s a part of life. How you were taught, or not, to deal with it makes all the difference in the world. Some people can handle it, moving on with their lives. Others get bogged down with miserable thoughts that just render them incapable of moving on. They can become bitter, abusive, and incapable of holding a relationship together.

    1. ^i like your perspective on it.

      i was told that i had high expectations about this current job.
      i was told i should never had them in the first place and go with the flow.
      even when i meet a wolf,
      i want to have the highest expectations because i actually want the muthafucka in my life lol

      all this has me feeling like i should have just went with the flow of things,
      rather than expecting a good result.

  2. Okay lemme give u some advice

    For starters look up business credit
    U can form and register your buisness in a good month and establish buisness credit and later get approved for credit cards with high credit limits without worrying about being indebt paying them back

    Okay with that said u need to switch careers : your not the 9-5 type …your more of the consultant/manager /promoter type

    I’d reach out to local instamale thots and offer free promotion in nightclubs hosting gigs /meetups/chitlin circuit fuctions …aka naked painting classes with black men that seems to catchin on like wild fire in the south

    next once you get your feet wet offer a fee for your promotions and connects and get a cut of any deals they make …even if its youtube black gay series proportions

    Maybe host a black male amateur model search

    Host a roundtable about black gay life

    Host a mixers ,etc

    Create a youtube channel and step infront ofthe camera like jacob kohinoor in his early day before he lost his damn mind

    I believe you could give marvin bengieme and foto119 and the likes a run for their money

    You have the good taste ,the passion ,and your opionated

  3. Yes i do put high expectations on my life , friendships relationships, work , career goals and accomplishments. I believe my depression comes from not accomplishing the things i want a a certain. I always had this perception that you need to be set by 25 years to make out. Im slowly moving away from those thoughts.

  4. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

    Never give up your goals and expectations Jamari. You wouldn’t set expectations you think you couldn’t attain. You have to take steps though. You took some steps by getting this job, but it isn’t your goal so keep looking for other jobs. You’ll find the wolf of your dreams. In the meantime have some damn fun before you reach Mr. Right; find some backup wolves.

    Learn to enjoy always changing and being on the move. Don’t get comfortable anywhere, that’s when you stop making progress.

  5. I agree on some and disagree with some things. You can anything you desire but the question comes into play is. Are you ready for it?

    High expectations and realistic goals are things I tend to separate sometimes. We live in a highly conflicted world.

    People attract everything into their life on their own merits. Everything that happens to you happens for a reason. This universe is one that rolls off of cause and effect. The minute you begin thinking negative, you’ve already fawked up. The minute you hang around negative people, you fawking up.

    People tell us to have high expectations, but enough of the ego trip. Take a look in the mirror, then go step outside on a clear starry night and take a look at the sky. See that?

    That’s just how small you are compared to the Universe. People shouldnt have “expectations” because nothing in this tangible world “belongs” to them. Not a single tree, not a car or house, not an ounce of money, boyfriend, wife etc…because when you pass away one day none of it will matter anyway and then you finally realize, Hey, my own body doesn’t even belong to me because I have to give that up too in the end.

    And that’s really the only expectation that any human being can “expect”…death. We may not all get married, or become rich or famous but we all are gonna die one day…

    Does it sound bleak? It shouldn’t. At the same time people should be aware of their surroundings and be fortunate for what they have at the moment because as the old saying goes. Tomorrow may never come…but the soul of the dilliget shall live forever.

    Sometimes we are where we are to self analyze ourselves. Sometimes the Universe is keeping us safe, it really depends, but more than often there’s a paragraph in self reflection 101 we might have skimmed over. Now if “bad things” keep happening, it’s time self analyze. There’s a blocker somewhere that’s screwing up your vibration and it’s up to you to figure it out because you know how you think and what makes you tick & what you need to work.

    I think it’s fine to have dreams and desires to do great things, especially if it empowers others. Never give up and keep an open eye, comforting arms, and aa compassionate heart at all times. It really helps to be at peace with one’s self before anyone else.

  6. I have got to the point in my life where I dont expect much from people or any given situation. This include close family and friends or potential relationships. We live in a world where people who dont know you are more prone to support you than those around you. Most people end up letting me down, so I am starting not to expect much from the beginning, and I am learning not to go out of my way for anyone like I did in the past only to be disappointed. I may be too cynical at this point, but it has been the only way I have kept my sanity. It seems to me that both gay and str8 acquaintances are equally bad with no distinction. Personally, I find that most people only want you to be concerned with their issues, and could give a Shat about yours. On my current job, I truly do just enough to get by and never go out of my way, I have learned the hard way about that, when I have went out of my way and done extra it did not make a difference when I was reprimanded for a mistake, and the people who do the most stressing themselves out, on payday have the same check as me. I am working with a manager who wants you to go the extra mile, and it is all I can do to keep from telling them to Fukk Off because I will not. I realize that you can be a lot happier just staying in your own lane and just be selfish and concentrate on your goals whatever they may be. I have accomplished a big goal for myself this year purchasing a home, only to have low key shade thrown by friends and family who I thought would be happy and people who I barely even fool with have come through with much love and support. I am trying to get to a point of not caring or getting caught up in anything that does not concern me.

    1. Damn Tajan. You betta preach that shit man. That’s the same mindset I have right now. People like throwing out the words cynical and pessimistic, I call it resilience and realism. It is what it is when you’re a double minority.

  7. My brother gave me some good advice years ago. He said “ Look at things that happen in your life as happenings. Don’t place too high of a expectation on them. Make them equal. The good and the bad. That way you aren’t too disappointed when they don’t workout.” Has this worked for me all the time? No!!!! But, I’ve adopted a new sense around rejection and disappointment. They don’t stick to me like they use to. We are all human and our coping skills might be the same or differ a bit. But, when the day is done, we alll want to win. We all want to be wanted. And we all want to have meant something to this human race.

  8. Both Jammy and Tajan really touched me because they are very connected to self realization. If I may Recommend two books that helped me a lot as I retired and stepped into a new venture as a Foreigner in a Foreign Country. Talk about doubts! I do recommend these two books, the first one changed my life and validated how I had lived. “The Power of Now,” by Eckhart Tolle , sits at my bedside. As far as getting what you want ”The Tipping Point,” by Malcolm Gladwell, Helped to make our business a big success. That is all I can add to what Jammy and Tajan said!!
    We are all pulling for you Jamari, Please know that,

  9. each morning when I wake up, I’m glad to be alive..
    whatever happen during the day, I take as if it was suppose to happen.
    Whenever something isn’t going right, I do not question it ,because I believe that God is protecting me from something that can cause me harm or even death.

  10. Good evening Jamari and others,

    So I have to agree that expectations do lead to a huge disappointment. However I may sound selfish for telling you this but Jamari you have impacted so many individuals including myself. I ultimately believe you’d expect to have much more by now a higher income, higher number of followers, to have met the live of your life – or maybe these are all just my expectations. You know, regardless we are aloud to have these expectations and to be optimistic about what we want. The issues are not our expectations but the conviences of instant gratification and easy distractions. When I read your blog, which is almost daily I am witnessing an empire in the making. “Rome was not built over night” but their journey of it’s being built was the ultimate beauty.

    What you’ve taught me is to understand our community as a whole before being judgemental. What you may be experiencing now is honestly your truth and I don’t know you personally. However as the “Jamari Fox” that I read, just keep going and that your community and viewers are all behind you.

    Love you man!

    1. ^love you as well and thank you for this comment.
      it was really beautiful.
      everyone’s comments were really thoughtful and created thought.
      i’ve realized i’d had my expectations set too high and not going with the flow.
      i tried to have hope things will work out,
      but i’m learning to be more realistic.

  11. Don’t be real for the sake of us. Be real for yourself. If you’re realism means higher standards – keep them but just continue to progress. Excuse the grammar in the first comment of mine.

"off topic" and other nonsense gets sent to my spam folder. other than that, play nice and let's discuss!