grab depression by the balls and get on top

there is no cure for depression.
none whatsoever.
you can take as much meds as you want,
it will never truly go away.
you can learn to keep it under control tho.
that’s what i’ve been working on as of late.
i was talking to pose this morning and had an interesting breakthrough.
so i sent her this article in the “huffington post”

x What It’s Really Like To Live With High Functioning Depression

she suffers with bouts of depression like me.
she appreciated me sending her the article because she related heavy.
so we got to texting about our trials with depression.
during the convo,
i kind of had a mini “a-ha” moment:

“you know why i like to work at these regular jobs?
they give me structure.
it allows me to have to get up every day to do something.
jobs take me out of the hole i can find myself in.
i didn’t chase my career harder because there is uncertainty there.
i’m alone in new yawk and gotta fend for myself.
the fear of failure crippled me.

the depression and anxiety were acting like a middle man towards my goals.
i’m starting to remove those thoughts so i can go into my career now.”

makes sense.
i’m sure for most people.
i wasn’t ready years for my “big break”,
but these days,
i’ve been working harder toward being in a better mental space.
i’m honestly over this “9 to 5” thing.
i don’t want to waste my years making someone else,
or their company,
i’m great and i deserve to make my own shit greater.
i want to wake up when i feel like it and do my own thing.
i want my own home,
and date/fuck wolves in better circles.
my depression has been holding me back.
i hope that anyone who is suffering in silence finds their “a-ha” moment.
you’re holding back your light to be comfortable in a dull place.

lowkey: things have been working out as of late.
i’m happier too.
something amazing is coming.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

5 thoughts on “grab depression by the balls and get on top”

  1. Good to hear that you are doing better. Take it one day at time, J; that’s what I tell myself when I’m feeling a certain way.

    1. ^that and something i learned quickly:

      “what will be is for me and what won’t will not.”

      that has helped me just come to grips with disappointing news.

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