Give Offerings To The God

worshipthegod…the porcelain god that is.
okay so this entry is going to be a little personal.
kinda tmi with a few “nofuckstogive”.
there is a message in it somewhere.
don’t judge me…

so i have been feeling a little backed up.
i haven’t been exactly…
my eating habits have been kinda jacked as well.
it was a super quiet day at work,
and liar liar was not there,
all of us were hanging out in the mailroom.
we were all joking around and talkin’ shit,
one of the wolves started talking about how his daughter was constipated the other day.

i gave her a little citroma and she was shittin all damn day.
blew the toilet down.”

“wait what is citroma?” i asked.

“its a laxative.
you can get it at the bodega or store.
its like 2.00 or so.”

“citroma is no joke.
had me cancelling my entire weekend one time.
i was scared i was going to use the bathroom in public.”
thing 2 chimed in.

mental note: get citroma before i got home.

since it was summer half day fridays,
i left promptly at 1 o’clock and headed to get this citroma.
i went to the little hood pharmacy down the block from my crib.
there it was,
looking up at me in the “stomach issues” aisle:

citroma cherry
the original name for it is “magnesium citrate” and its usually clear.
ive heard of magnesium citrate but never tried it.
so i got in the crib,
ate some “cinnamon toast crunch”,
and kinda just lounged around.
i’m exhausted and this 3 day holiday weekend feels like a vacation.
i finally took the whole glass bottle of citroma at like 10pm.
it tasted like cherry soda and sprite,
but turnt all the way up.
it kind of had a sour-y kind of taste.
i couldn’t even get through the whole glass,
but when it hit my stomach,
i felt that slight “turn”.
you know the slight turn i’m talking about.
reasons_we_love_daytime_television_18the turn of a “shit storm a’ coming”.
oh and it did.
at 4am,
my eyes opened up so wide.
i ran my ass to the toilet.
lets just say…
i am floating now.
ftr1pwb0li am completely emptied out.
my offering to the porcelain god was bountiful.

i would say if you feel backed up,
do this once a month.
this is not something id do before a wolf comes over.
this isn’t like an enema where it works quicker.
this actually travels through your bowels,
sets up shop,
and sets a time bomb in your intestines.
3928328_o did they give that hippo a citroma too?
also you def need to block out a good couple hours out your schedule.
you need some time for it to process your offering.
so like me,
i took it at 10pm and it started working at 4am.
aftershocks throughout the morning that ended at 11-1130ish.
if you want to do it before a wolf comes over,
i’d say do it the day or two before you trying to get some pipe.
that way you are completely hollow beforehand.
no need in being that hippo after a few deep thrusts.
don’t act like you don’t worry about that too.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

18 thoughts on “Give Offerings To The God”

  1. I will definitely be trying this or have it in the medicine cabinet just in case. I go a lot but sometimes days will pass and I start getting kinda paranoid. It doesn’t help that my family knows a man that blew up because he hadn’t shit for a while. At least that’s what I heard happened to him. It might be an urban legend tho. I don’t wanna find out the hard way that it isn’t.

    Oh and J, I’m pretty sure that’s a Hippo in that gif.

  2. Oh I’m trying this I’ve been looking for ways to get super clean and I mean SUPER CLEAN foe fun in the sheets, because no matter what I do I’m not squeaky clean down there.

    1. ^mikey this gets you SQUEAKY clean.
      the aftershocks are not to be played with either.
      it’s like everything you eat will run through you during that phase.
      that’s good I guess?
      either way,
      always remember BLOCK OUT YOUR SCHEDULE!
      i did not do shit today just so I can be sure I’m good!
      good luck!

      1. Off to the store now, thanks!

        Oh fyi I know this is off topic nut I just saw the new X-men film and it was AMAZING u have to see it.

        1. ^omg!!!
          that came out?!?!?!
          if the coast is clear inside me tomorrow,
          i’ll go and check it out.
          i really wanted to see that!
          thanks mikey and you’re welcome!

      2. OMG! I always wanted to ask you how to get squeaky clean down there but was kinda afraid to b judged u know. Thank you so much, will definitely try this.

        1. ^um z,
          the foxhole is the biggest “judgment free” zone.
          shit i write a lot of things for judgment lol
          be comfortable here and ask away!
          if you don’t want public judgment,
          go to contact and send me an email.
          I’ll ask the foxhole anonymously.

    1. You’re gonna have to learn how to clean that behind for whichever dude you finally let get some of that booty. Ain’t no such thing as a strict top. It’ll happen…

      Take Em Down 5 starring The Man

      1. Nah, you wish. You must be a hybrid. They are the only ones who like to pressure tops into bottoming. I ain’t doing that shit, and I have no desire to. That is why I rather date foxes, I do not have to worry about him going after my ass. Hybrids like doing that shit, that is why when I date one, I let dude know the relationship is over the moment he asks me to try it. I shut it down straight out the gate. Don’t ask.The answer is no.

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!

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