f0xmail: Should I Dump Him After Our “Good Sex”? Help!?

tumblr_ngfkg6SufU1u5uzgco1_500

FOXMAIL

I need advice.
I’m gay and I’m dating my first boyfriend. I think he’s cheating. We’ve been dating five months. It’s driving me insane.

We met at a community service organization. We, just started talking one-night at a social event. A few weeks later, we made the beast with two backs. I just wanted, good-sex, however, he said he wanted to be my boyfriend and I agreed. It’s been an up and down battle with this relationship. He doesn’t have a car and grew up with a troubled family background, so he catch’s rides to and from work, which is common in this area. I don’t mind driving him to and from work every now and then. He chips in, gas money every now and then which I appreciate; however, I still felt a bit used a times, like I was only good for a ride.

The relationship initially was strong. He used to just kiss me all the time. Then it completely dwindled and he claimed it was because I told, him one night his breath smelled a bit and he became self-conscious. We’ve continued to have incidents that have been etchy-sketchy. I made dinner for him one night, he said he’d be their in 10-15 minutes. Three hours still not there, so I came by his house and his excuse was he’d been douching for hours to, make sure he didn’t paint my penis. He got defensive when, I addressed it. He declared, I was calling him a liar. I let it go and moved on.

His ex is a whore, whose repeatedly tried to sleep with him on multiple occasions.
He told me his friend has being trying to sleep with him and he know’s we’re together. I feel like, I’m trying to fight a losing-battle. That common-decency doesn’t exist and it doesn’t deter people from sleeping with someone in a romantic relationship.

The tipping-point was Monday. He called me, we talked he put me on hold because he had another caller. Then we continued, to talk and I heard the sound of a man moaning, in the middle of the conversation. I stopped everything. He completely changed the subject of the conversation to—how was my day? I asked about it and he’s offered me multiple excuses. First it was I didn’t hear it. Then it was, he was walking there are car’s passing by. Third it was he made the sound himself mimicking the noise I make when I’m excited. Then, it was it wasn’t a moan I heard.

1) Obviously he heard, it. He acknowledged it afterward.
2) I heard no cars passing by.
3) I’ve never made a sexual moaning sound in excitement in a public forum.
4) Who the Fuck moans in public, when there walking?
5) I know what I heard, that shit was an intense sexual moan.

I immediately, told him it was over the same, day. Tuesday and Wednesday he cried, pleaded and incessantly texted me to take him back. I told him, that I wouldn’t take him back. He called me a selfish, horrible person. That I don’t think about anyone else but myself. I told him I was breaking up with him, due to the stress the relationship placed on me.

Wednesday night, I finally decided to have a talk with him about. I told him, it’s unfair to him and to me, to be in a relationship where, your partner doesn’t trust you. It’s unfair to have a partner that’s constantly suspicious of his actions and choices. I told him, I don’t trust him anymore. If you know, your telling me the truth, than we don’t need to be in this relationship. You’ll find someone who will trust you, because I don’t. He was a crying mess and he was choking on his tears, in the middle of the conversation.

He gave me another convoluted hog-washed excuse that doesn’t make any sense. That it didn’t register to him at first because, he has a slight hearing disability in one of his ears. That one ear hears, slower than the other. That he has a habit of mimicking the sounds other ppl make and apparently unbeknownst to me, I make an orgasmic sound, in public.

I made him swear, to god he didn’t cheat on me. I asked him to tell me the truth multiple times. He swore to god, on his family and his unborn children that he’s telling the truth. I don’t believe him. I don’t. But, I took him back. In order to rectify the relationship, I decided to make it an open relationship. He’ll have sex with whomever he needs to have sex with and my only request is that he’ll tell me and use condoms. I told him, we won’t have sex anymore beyond foreplay and we’ll focus on the romantic aspect of our relationship. He agreed to these terms, with a simple “Anything, to keep you as my boyfriend”.

I’ve had this conversation with multiple friends. The one conversation that still haunts me is my best friend telling me—“Deep down, you already know”. Am I stupid for taking him back? (Yes, I am why am I asking question’s I know the answer too) Do all men cheat? Am I being practical? As I guy, I get it that we all have urges and some of us have more control than others; however, I would never, sleep with someone else knowing how much it would, hurt the person I love. Am I being too suspicious?

–Dazed & Confused

MY ANSWER…

tumblr_o245qf6noc1uj92k5o1_500reader.
thank you for reaching out to me,
but we definitely need to talk.
i think you need a foxhole tough love dragging.
even i been dragged a few times,
but it was much needed.
come sit

when we are considering bringing anyone into our lives,
it’s best to get to know them before attaching titles on their names.
it’s like a random dog on your doorstep.
he is soooooooo cute,
but the muthafucka is filthy.
you don’t know where it’s been before it landed on your “welcome” mat.
so you would take it to the vet to get a check up and shots

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

…right?

tumblr_nf9czgM7N61qe970bo1_500well i hope,
because you can’t complain when you get bit and find out you got rabies.
instead of a doctor’s office,
dating requires “questions” and the slow journey to putttin’ the cuffs on em.
this is even the case in friendships and business.
you can’t sleep with someone in a week,
after a social event,
and then say:

“…and you my manz now!”

…all because they said so.
it just won’t work.
there is no foundation being built,
and unfortunately,
lust expires.

reader…
this was doomed from the start.
it seems like it started off on nothing and continues to be nothing.
you let temporary “lust” do the agreeing for you.
he seems like a hardcore liar and user.
i get this life can be lonely,
but you got with a “bottom of the barrel” jackal.
you should have just left it as “good sex”.
aside from that:

everything about this “relationship” seems exhausting

gg2i was really over it with the “random moaning and all the excuses” part.
that was giving me every inch of crazy.
nothing about this will blossom into a “happy ending”.
at all.
point.
blank.
period.
he needs to go.
you can’t and won’t be able trust him.
even if you both have an open relationship,
he seems like the type to catch something and blame it on the flu.
or the weather.
or a tv show he watched.
or beyonce.
or something totally irrelevant because he is full of excuses.
your:

sanity
beauty regiment (because an ain’t shit jackal will age you)
health

…is not worth it.
dump him immediately.
if you don’t do it for you,
do it for your looks and fox swagg.
so here,
use my cellphone.
let him cry to häagen-dazs and iyanla.

cruelgifi hope this helps.
unfortunately,
we need to learn the lesson the hard way before we “get it”.
keep me posted!

best,
jamari fox

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

20 thoughts on “f0xmail: Should I Dump Him After Our “Good Sex”? Help!?

  1. this foolishness…OPEN RELATIONSHIPS dont work…dont settle for someone who obviously is not relationship material…this entry pissed me off this guy better get it together

      1. I’m noticed with our generation with straights and gays people jump to fast these days into situationships…Due to that situation at the time they became involved with someone…my mother always said short visits make long friendships…I dont have to see you everyday or all the time to get to know you…we can build slowly over time and develop something long term…but at the same time this is the microwave generation…we want everything fast quick and in a hurry…that fabulous fit body, perfect credit, a big dick partner, a partner with a hurricane tongue. A partner who knows GOD at the end of the day what are we seeking for our OWN purpose?!?! Today i encourage us all, including the writer of this letter that was sent to you, to love yourself, the only thing you settle for is the greatness GOD put in you…Keep working on you and watch you attract the exact spirit that you exude…I had to pull myself back at one point too because it seemed like i was going through the same situation all the time and i realized I had the power to determine how folks would treat me. If you play weak and submissive long enough to someone elses bullshit eventually they will sabotage the relationship along with your happiness.

  2. Malcom said it very well! This generation is a ll about instant gratification with NO concern/care about the results. People are having kids with people they BARELY know, jumping into situationships (like that one!) instead of relationships without getting to KNOW the person…and I mean KNOW. I have never had a one-night stand with a person, male or female, because I am the type of person that I have to get to know you before we get intimate. I’ve come close, but never went through with it. A lot of times if a person is rushing you to get to the sexual part of your relationship…they’ll generally be on to the next one right after they get it. That is why I advocate getting to know a person before going there. If they’re not interested in waiting until you’re ready…move on to someone who will. Chances are THAT person will be with you for the long run.
    doesn’t ALWAYS happen that way…but it’s a possibility.

    1. I’m with you on the “getting to know someone bit” (and the rest of it, but especially this). If you’re rushing to get sex, that’s a major red flag. If you don’t want to get know me, you don’t get to have me. I’m not a blow up doll for anyone’s amusement. People should really learn to care about others and getting to know them before getting intimate, if they know all they want is sex, be up front about it and don’t waste people’s time.
      The boyfriend of this reader is just disrespectful, and IMO there should NOT have been any open relationship business, and then you’re not even going to be intimate with him? especially when they were having all these problems.Who’s in the relationship? That’s not the solution. He needs to start being honest with the reader and not be sleeping with other people or this is over, but at this point, how can there be trust? You guys are going to have to work this out, and get him to get his ass together or just end it. Tell him to be a better person overall if he wants you so bad or you will chuck up the deuces.

  3. Always trust your instincts, I believe you start getting that feeling because something you detected threw you off, you might not know what it was consciously.

    That relationship is done and you know it yourself, right now you’re working on the courage to walk away. An open relationship won’t work when it’s started over drama

    Side note, be safe out here, people are doing some fucked up shit lately.
    The beast with two backs, sounds country 😁

    1. Yes. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!!

      Yeah i didn’t understand that part, what’s a “beast with two backs?” LOL! Doesn’t sound very appealing. Don’t judge me >.<

  4. I’m going to have to agree with a lot of the comments on here. People these days are just willing to jump into something without willing to take the time to get to know someone. This letter puts too much of the blame on the other person ( which i know it can be hard to see or admit one’s own wrong doings in the matter, but it takes two to tango)

    “I just wanted, good-sex, however, he said he wanted to be my boyfriend and I agreed.”

    This right here shows that instead of sticking to your first train of thought you were willing to let this pineapple play some kind of Jedi mind trick on you to talk you into a relationship with him. (Fuck boys are good at the Jedi Mind trick) You just wanted sex, how did it go from that to this? I’m going to go with this pineapple is either :

    A.) Fine as FUCK

    OR

    B.) Has good dick/ass

    “He doesn’t have a car and grew up with a troubled family background, so he catch’s rides to and from work, which is common in this area. I don’t mind driving him to and from work every now and then. He chips in, gas money every now and then which I appreciate; however, I still felt a bit used a times, like I was only good for a ride.”

    Again go with your first training of thought, If you feel like you’re getting used chances is you are. Sometimes god sends us red flags in the form of feelings or signs and we tend to ignore them. To be honest he probably saw something in you that told him he could take advantage of you, which is why he was trying to lock you down so fast. Trust me I’ve been there where wolves sniff me out and see a too nice self conscious fox who won’t put his foot down when he need to. Like J said this relationship stared from lust and know that’s wearing off you’re seeing those true colors.

    I don’t know how long you’ve been in the foxhole but maybe you should check out the No more Mr.Nice Guy book series Jamari did a few months ago, it really helped a few in the foxhole. I would also say Go back and search through the Work Wolf saga on here and read those Hard Hitting comments that gave it like it is even if it was a hard pill to swallow.

  5. I am so glad I did not stop reading because I really wanted to. There is too much shit going on between the both of you. At first, it seemed that all of it was his fault, but as I read further, you are playing a role in it as well. If his breath stinks, you are supposed to tell him, period. When it comes to hygiene, I do not hold back anything. What is the issue with some of y’all not being able to tell the truth? Grow up. Why would I or anyone for that matter want to kiss a man who has a breath issue?

    An open relationship as a solution is hilarious to me. That is giving him a huge pass to have sex with whoever he wants, and you are silly to believe that he is going to run it by you first every single time. The level of desperate behavior from people nowadays is at an all time high. People are willing to tolerate anything. You have to value yourself more and find you a man you can trust, never lower your standards to keep someone.

  6. I’m not reading all that.

    Your first mistake was trying to date men.

    95% of them lack the emotional maturity to be in a relationship with anyone but Jesus, including you.

    1. So easy to say when you’re bi lol.

      but you’re right, most dudes aren’t even worth the effort.

    2. A lot of them don’t even have the emotional maturity for Jesus! He’d get kicked to the curb for a pair of Jordans, an iPhone, or god knows whatever else!

  7. Ya’ll been together for five months and it’s already exhausting? Break it off. Not a snow flakes chance in hell was this ever going to go well, especially since this started from just sex. That’s for the straights and even then they got to deal with baby mama or baby daddy drama, a.k.a drama on top of bullsh*t with a chance of shit storm on the horizon. Mikey nailed it. In this situation both of ya’ll are the problem. I’m not even sure what is the point of sending in a foxmail, you have all the evidence you need to see this ain’t working out. I mean 1 + 1 = 2, even Beyonce knew that…

"off topic", trolling, and other nonsense gets sent to my spam folder. other than that, play nice and let's discuss!