f0xmail: She Loves Him, But He Loves A4A and Butt Cheeks More. Should I Tell?

MAIL

I need your advise!!!

i haven’t been able to sleep in almost two days …about 3weeks ago i took two of my coworkers to dinner in tribeca we were right by the door just to see all the attention coming and also enjoy our drinks..this wolf walks in fine as hell with his fat friend so i told the waiter to go tell him that i would like to hook him up with one of my coworker, who is a female. so we called him over. he liked her it seemed and she liked him. they exchange numbers and have been together since he goes to apt and she is telling me she is feeling him so much that they might even move in together. i am very happy for them, the wolf (we will change his name to Triflin’) is fine and she is fine too…5days ago being the sexy fox i am go online to a4a looking around i hit this guy up with the screen name rideonthelow. i unlock my pics he unlocks his no face but nice body..we chat I asked him his name he says Triflin’“(the name of the wolf from the restaurant) he then tell me he is interested in me and would like to hit that..he sends me his number, Jamari swear on your blog, same wolf Triflin’ from the restaurant. OMG i don’t know what to do ..Should i tell her or not am scared and confused?????  help this Fox!!!! the guy is a bisexual wolf he doesn’t even remember me from that night I don’t want to do that to my friend/co worker.

it is sooo strange that this would happen to me i mean i have the a4a messages ..same age same description and same telephone number so..but i don’t want ppl in my job finding out shit about me. my friend thinks she got a good thing going. she called me on sunday and it was all about  him. I am afraid if i tell her she might tell people i work with about me..which i am not ready for emotionally ..the office i work @ is very business only….she can be loud at times ..but i have to tell her some how..am nervous ..i dont even want this nigga even dough i like bi dudes alot.

MY ADVICE

Work is a place where we go, about 80% of our week day life.
We meet people who we see more than our families and our friends.
They become people we get close too, even though many of the times, we shouldn’t.
Co-workers can become our friends, over time, but we should never really trust them.

In a situation like this,
which is a mess…
you have 3 options.

A

Tell her and risk her being a hater or a homo.
You can bring as much evidence as you want,
Vixens + their Wolves + D/L = DRAMA.
You see the drama Vixens have when another Vixen tells her that her man is cheating on her.
Your friend already seems lost in the sauce by wanting to move in with him.
(what is up with these stupid Vixens, and Foxes, ready to shack up in a week????)
Plus, you mentioned that she likes to get loud.
That is grounds for your head on a chopping block.
She may not listen, out you in the process, and ignore you until she sees it herself.


Then there is…

B

You can not tell her… but have someone else tell her.
Someone she doesn’t know.
You can take her out to dinner with this other person you know.
Before they meet, give them the low down on Triflin’.
Casually bring him up after you guys get comfortable.
Then, have the other person interject and lay the cards and evidence on the table.
That way, you act just as shocked as he is and your hand remain clean.


Then lastly, there is…

C

You tell her nothing and let her find out on her own.
This one is a little tricky because if Triflin’ is indeed triflin,
he can open her up to diseases and other STDS.
You do not want to hear that something happened to her that could have been prevented.
Then when you have to tell her in the future you know,
she may hate you forever.


Whatever you do, do it in a way that allows you to not get caught up.
Anonymous email, Google Talk a text message, or even write her a letter.
You have to observe the best way to go about it and tell her.
This is one of the reasons you keep your co workers at a healthy distance.

You also have to ask yourself,
if the tables were turned,
would she tell you?

Keep your head up!

The floor is now open.
FOXHOLE

SHOULD HE TELL?
SHOULD HE NOT?

need advice: jamari.fox@gmail.com

33 thoughts on “f0xmail: She Loves Him, But He Loves A4A and Butt Cheeks More. Should I Tell?

  1. I was thinking it wasn’t the same dude, until you said the telephone number was the same. I hate bi men who are switch hitters, they give other bi men a bad name. One night they want pussy, and the next night they want the ass.

    Look man, it’s always good to mind your own businees, but your friend sounds like a good woman, and she doesn’t deserve to be with a man who is sleeping with other men while he is seeing her, no woman does. Nobody knows if he’s sleeping with men protected or unprotected so she’s definitely at risk. She might not believe you at first because you know how protective black women are about their men, they don’t believe a damn thing anyone else tells them until it’s too late. I strongly suggest you tell your friend, but show her the evidence you found. Most definitely show her the phone number, that’s the big one.

  2. He should tell. I would probably send an anonymous email to her with all the evidence included. She’d bring the subject up to me and being a good friend, I’d lead her in the right direction.

    Vixens can be pretty delusional though. I’ve seen plenty of women become involved with men who are known by every other wolf and fox, to get down and get around.

    Back when I hadn’t told my good friend about me, she was considering talking to a guy that I knew for a fact was downlow and had fucked numerous foxes. He had a bad reputation among us that knew. I didn’t tell her he was gay, but just that I had heard really bad things about him and that she needed to watch out. I thought she had taken my advice until I had heard from a mutual friend of ours that she had fucked him anyway.

    I say all that to say, sometimes no matter what you do or say, the situation can’t be helped. But the least you can do as a friend is lead her in the right direction.

  3. He should say nothing. Even though they are colleagues and he played a role in their meeting, it is not his responsibility to share anything. Who is to say that it was really him? We talk all the time about how people create fake profiles on those sites.

    Hold your peace and mind your business. You are likely to do more harm than good.

    1. I’ve never been in this type of situation, but I believe that what I said is what I would follow.

      Good luck with whatever you decide. Please let us know the outcome.

    2. I thought about it too @ it being a fake profile. But I just assumed he had done his due diligence and knew for a fact it was the boyfriend.

  4. Keep your mouth shut this is a type of situation where she needs to find this out for herself cause she sounds like she is head over heels for this guy and her head is in the clouds so she won’t believe a damn thing you tell her and she will try to make you look like the bad guy out of all this and it will get even more messy

  5. I would pick option B. Stage an intervention even! Ever heard of that new show on TVONE…’Love Addiction’ I would definitely get her cast on there!

    I rather you hate me for being a friend, then for me to hate myself because I could have prevented you from STDs/AIDS. Male or female, cheating is cheating and there is too much out there to playing around. I don’t understand these desperate chicks either but then again everybody got a story.

  6. DO. NOT. TELL.

    This is really none of your business. So what if he is playing her? I doubt this is the first guy that has played and I’m certain it won’t be the last. Then the first thing people say when bisexuals are thrown into the mix is that they’re at risk of catching STD’s. Show me any studies that say bisexual people have a higher rate of STD’s! She’s no more at risk than she would be with a heterosexual man that sleeps around.

    All of that anonymous letter and getting someone to tell her is a cop out! If you want to tell her man up and do so. What makes you think she’s going to believe some unreliable source?

    I don’t interfere with people’s relationships at all though.

    1. Jay wait a second. Statistics do show that gay population period(especially African Americans) have higher rates of STD’s than the general population. YES she is at a higher risk than what she would be with a straight man. For one, a vast majority of downlow men do not use condoms when they have sex with other men because it causes them to think about the actions they are about to take. The women who lay down with these dogs are just as bad because they should speak up before they spread their legs, whether if they know their man sleeps around or not.

      1. So if a heterosexual man was sleeping around on her there wouldn’t as much concern for her health because he’s not gay?

        Don’t let public perception fool you into believing downlow men=humping rabbits without condoms. I’ve encountered far more downlow men who wouldn’t even give head without a condom where as I could get a gay man or female to let me nut in them without much convincing.

        Bottom line is your health is your responsible. You run that risk every time you fuck.

      2. Both African-American women and homosexuals have the highest rates. Even if he wasn’t sleeping with other men, he would be putting her at risk.

  7. Man keep your mouth shut. When Vixen are crazy about a dude, they will turn the tables on your ass for sure. I had this happen to me with one of my gay homeboys when his dude was cheating, and from now on, I see no evil, hear no evil. It is not your responsibility for anybody else’s sexual responsibility no matter how much we don’t want nobody to get hurt, women just like gay men must take responsibility for their sexual health. Yes that’s cold but true, they need to wake up that STD’s are real and you have to treat everybody like they have one, no matter how good looking,fine, educated, and wealthy he may be. I once worked in a position were I new people sexual STD status and I would see dudes bring different females to my office and I could not say a word and this use to worry the hell out of me, but I would get fired and sued if I breathed a word due to confidentiality laws, and some were knowingly HIV positive and acted like nothing was even wrong, and these females had no clue to my knowledge, so at the end of the day we are all grown. Trust me he is going to lie his way out of it, and your business will be all over the office and you will become the villain not him. Women will never believe a gay man over a straight one because he is going to say you created all of that to get with him and she will ultimately believe him. Say a prayer for her and hope she is educated about STD’s, because after all is 2012.

  8. Keep your lips zipped.
    You know people are sensitive about their dicks.

    What exactly are you going to tell her? You are on the DL just as much as he is, you know of him indirectly in person and reconnected with him online but didn’t get a nut yet…so what is there to tell?

    I say, LET GROWN ASS PEOPLE BE GROWN. You can’t blow up his spot without blowing up your own, and what exactly would be the point?

    All of yall are supposed to be adults, you are not responsible for no one else’s life but your own. If the coworker, or wolf, is dumb enough not to protect themselves, you shouldn’t be associating with them anyway.

    My major problem is that she just met this dude on Tuesday and she tryna move this dude in by Friday? She got bigger issues than a greedy dick bastard.

    But it’s just advice, you do whatever the fuck you wanna do.

    1. Exactly the bitch is thirsty for dick or companionship so she would go fr anything. Can someone post a screen shot of triflins a4a

  9. JAY :
    So if a heterosexual man was sleeping around on her there wouldn’t as much concern for her health because he’s not gay?
    Don’t let public perception fool you into believing downlow men=humping rabbits without condoms. I’ve encountered far more downlow men who wouldn’t even give head without a condom where as I could get a gay man or female to let me nut in them without much convincing.
    Bottom line is your health is your responsible. You run that risk every time you fuck.

    Yes, her health would be a concern, but her risk of catching an STD would be slightly slimmer.

  10. The Man :
    Jay wait a second. Statistics do show that gay population period(especially African Americans) have higher rates of STD’s than the general population. YES she is at a higher risk than what she would be with a straight man. For one, a vast majority of downlow men do not use condoms when they have sex with other men because it causes them to think about the actions they are about to take.

    I need to see some receipts sir.

    The entire gay population has higher rates of all STDs, than the general population, especially African Americans?

    A woman is at higher risk for what exactly by sleeping with a bisexual man than a straight man?

    A CDC report or peer reviewed medical journal will suffice.

  11. I just hope these women that gay dudes in general go to bat for would do the same for them if they caught their boyfriends with another dude. Do they see your romantic relationship as equal to their own? Would they be as concerned about your health? Unless you were very close they would more than likely keep their mouth shut.

    I just can’t help but feel that most dudes just want to expose the trifling dude and use their concern as a disguise.

  12. Eh 98% of men nowadays are onthe low no new news. Fuck the Nigga if u feeling it or if e got that magic wood. Bring up the topic of possibility at dinner with your friend and see howshe replies ( before fucking him obviously) ex: how would u feel if triflin ends up telling u he’s gay etc if she responds like she can deal with it let her know if not oh well

  13. This is real dicey. Jamari, I think you’re feeling really bad because you initiated the introduction and feel a sense of responsibility. Also, out of a sense of decency, you don’t want a co-worker/friend to be played and possibly put at risk in the process. Let this be a lesson to not play matchmaker at work and to watch your intimacy with co-workers, considering you are on the DL, yourself. Women are generally more intuitive than men and might begin picking up on things you think you have under cover. For example, good looking straight brothers who are not in relationships, frequently want to get into the panties of attractive females, and these females might begin wondering why you’re not trying to hit on them when you’re going out and stuff. Also, they could start trying to set you up with their female friends, if you claim you don’t sleep with co-workers. Then the whispering conversations will begin, if they have not already. I can cite numerous instances where this has occurred to brothers who were not interested in their female co-workers.

    Having said that, I think tajan and JAY nail it. I have been involved in health for years and no one on here would believe me when I say the finest brothers on A4A include former patients and clients who are HIV positive. Some of these brothers had deteriorated to full blown AIDS, some with single digit T-cells, before protease inhibitors came onto the scene in the mid 1990s. Thanks to anti-retrovirals and gym memberships, you would never know it.

    We have disproved the myth that gay men are giving it to women. Women, nowadays, are getting it from straight men. In fact, in the world, 75% of the cases are heterosexual. Yes, gay men are a disproportionately represented among cases in this country, but in our black community, stupid straight people, male and female, with that sense of straight entitlement, feel they can fuck with impunity…not so. I’ve had to dispatch teams to senior citizen homes. We have cases of 80 year olds seroconverting. And, these are not people who have simply grown old not knowing they were HIV infected, many are just now getting infected. Just because there is snow on the crown does not mean there is not fire in the oven! I know many on here can not think of their parents and grandparents being sexually active. Trust me, my brothers, if they are still breathing, they’re doing things.

    If it would help your conscience, Jamari, you might just mention to your co-worker that she should proceed cautiously and share some safer-sex brochures with her. You might get them from the health department instead of any gay-identified organization. After all, straight people should be informed, too, and this shouldn’t raise any suspicion on her part. Plus, you might hand her some condoms with a smile and say something like you know she’s ’bout ready to get down and you just want her to be safe. You might say that women are probably throwing themselves at him. You could leave it at that, or you could throw in that dudes could be hitting on him, too. That way you will have done your part without outting him and yourself.

    In closing, just because he’s on Adam, does not mean he is not safe in his practices. Much love to all of you.

  14. I agree w/Jay, ICeed, & Old Head – don’t tell her jack. Her pvssy is so wide open that she wouldn’t likely hear you anyway. I definitely wouldn’t fvck dude either – you already know he’s messy.

    If you really feel the need; do it anonymously – just know that dude may reconnect the dots back to you…and your business may be on front street. Maybe just tell her to be careful in general – who moves in together after a week?!

  15. Dont say NOTHING!!!!!…. I have always been taught not to interfere in others relationships, Im currently in a similar situation, and Im not saying anything, because when the shit hits the fan, you dont want your name anywhere near it… If you did tell her she would probably think your hating, or turn it all back on you. it happens this way all the time… Keep it to your self and hold your peace! THINK ABOUT IT

  16. Get a google voice number that is not in the same area code.

    Text her the bizness and let her confide in you

  17. Tell Her…as a matter of fact…show her….bring her to your a4a page….show her the messages….provide her with the information/evidence……allow her to do whatever she likes with the information/evidence….because if he is trying to hit it with you, how many others are there….my belief is that it is not what you say, it is how and where you say it. If the two of you are real friends, sitting her down, one on one in a safe and private environment will not illicit loud and ghetto behavior

  18. Option B is probably best — send an anonymous e-mail to her that includes links to the available evidence on A4A. Let this woman examine the evidence herself and draw her own conclusions.

    Option A is risky — the likelihood that she would reveal this person’s sexual orientation to other office workers is rather high — it’s the sort of thing people like to gossip about. In addition, she may not believe what this person is saying, preferring her illusions, and could hold a grudge against him.

    Option C, “keeping one’s mouth closed,” seems unethical to me. If he cares about this woman who is supposed to be his friend — then he should inform her of the true nature of her new boyfriend. After all, he introduced her to this boyfriend.

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