dating? in 2020? for jamari fox? what is that you speak?

my anxiety is back in full force again.
i’m not sleeping through the whole night.
i’m waking up to throw up at like 4 or 5 am.
during another night of stomach issues,
i woke up with something on my mind.
it’s been on my mind for a while now.
after my hiv scare years ago,
i haven’t felt as comfortable to have random sex.
scrolling through dating and sex apps don’t excite me as they once did.
i don’t have many male gay friends to go out with.
i thought i met a poi i was 100% attracted to,
but he might be entertaining a vixen these days.
 i had to wonder...

How TF am I going to meet someone to date?

during this pandemic,
where many of us are isolated,
it’s not promising as it once was.
it was hard before,
but now…

many of the straights around me are in situationships due to this rona.
they are only with old prospects because it’s comfortable.
i had a convo with one of my home-vixens that hit the nail on the head.
we were discussing someone returning back to a very toxic ass relationship:

i don’t feel comfortable within myself these days.
i’m struggling to find my purpose while battling extreme loneliness.
it hasn’t been easy.

I know many feel the same way i do as we press through 2020.

this year has been a lot tbh.
i wanted to be fully transparent today.

6 thoughts on “dating? in 2020? for jamari fox? what is that you speak?

  1. I am currently single and loving it I was in 5 year on and off relationships that turn into an entanglement I struggle to untangle myself from the person for years things got so bad when we moved in together last year he became so insecure going through my phone and my Instagram if I liked or followed a muscled wolf on IG he will get angry accuse me of wanting to cheat . The relationship became so toxic that we both emotionally abuse each other and his anger outburst became worse he started smashing things on the floor like glasses and vases that when I knew I needed to end it. I am so happy I ended it before quarantine I can’t imagined how things would have turned out had we been stuck together during quarantine. I have not hooked up or been on any sex app in the past six months I am still recovering and taking care of myself I train a lot at the gym during the week it good for my physical and mental health i spent my weekends at my place binge watching Netflix, reading and being on social media that how I discovered this blog thank you Jamari for the foxhole

    1. ^ i feel like folks see the fantasy aspect of relationships and not the harsh reality at times.
      we see the highlight reels on social media,
      but don’t realize that learning another human can be really tough.

  2. I decided to delete jackd and grindr. Same shit, no matter where you live. (I’ve lived in 3 states within the last 12 months).

    I believe if you want something different (eg. Meaningless hookups) you gotta try something new. I’ve been on dating apps for almost 10 years and it has been the same shit … Fuck ninjas that just want to hookup.

    With that in mind, I have decided to only put energy into meaningful protective mates I meet in person.

    Question: where do gay men find each other in the age of Covid 19/ social distancing?

    Old habits die hard. I admit I miss the attention. I have to learn how to replace the time I spent in apps with healthy time-consuming activities.

  3. I was hoping to move to another state with a better job prospect and a bigger dating pool but covid put a dash in those plans.

    Now I’m just stuck here doing the same ol same ol scrolling thru the same apps to see the same motherfuckers that don’t know how to log off.

    1. ^ i think its the comfort that has you feeling that way.
      i can fully understand being comfortable and stuck in doing things to pass the time.

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