Closet Raids Are, Like, So 2013

 detective_spy_kit2“do you think he is gay?”
that’s what she asked.
“girl he has on tight jeans and chucks.
ummm yeah bitch.”
thats what she replied.

many vixens today are insecure.
like, painfully.
they do NOT want to know they are smashing a wolf who is down low.
i don’t blame em,
so this is what they go do…

they go and ask everyone if their wolf is gay.
from other vixen friends who claim they have amazing gaydar,
to their queeny friends who have personally taste tested every down low dick in america.
shit maybe even some foreign countries.
so a “closet raid” is established.
the mission: who knows?
she gives a ton of “suspect” examples of what he does,
who his friends are,
and look through his social media and friend lists for clues.

“who is he?
he looks feminine.”

“uh oh.
look at his hair.”

“he is wearing a red shirt on a thursday.
uh huh.
definite faggotry.”

 they spend all day exhausting themselves,
looking for clues,
to solve this great mystery.
there is a twist.
there is always a twist.
the wolf they are investigating is completely straight.
the vixen who was asked tho?
the one whose gaydar is so on point?
well her man,
the one who is hyper masculine from the club.
he walks,
and acts like an “old spice” commercial or a jock strap in a nfl locker room.
well he is actually on every gay website looking something not in the form of a vagina.
oh and the queens?
well he is taking in all the info just so he can confirm and then jump on that pipe.

tumblr_muo1gl7YLO1si245xo8_250 tumblr_muo1gl7YLO1si245xo2_250 tumblr_muo1gl7YLO1si245xo1_250what i’m trying to say is,
that in 2014,
you cannot just tell someone is gay by looking at a picture or a few signs.
that is complete bullshit.
down low wolves know all the tricks to get treats and constantly evolve.
they can be on social media screaming “FEMALES ONLY”.
their comment sections look like victoria secret on a saturday sale.
they play and watch sports,
can fart the national anthem,
and scratch n sniff their balls.
many go have kids to prove their manhood.
while some are super detectable like,
dude really?”,
others have even shocked me.
you really just don’t know these days.
you could be labeling an innocent straight man gay and spreading false rumors.
stop making this vixen paranoid because you solved a few “obvious” closet cases.
queens also need to stop leading these closet raids because at the end of the day,
lets say you successfully out the dude,
he still not gonna give you that “D” so…

tumblr_lxupqfhIZM1ql5yr7o1_400plus you should know how it felt to be in the closet.
don’t ack’ brand new now,
rainbow brite.
cut that shit all the way out.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

8 thoughts on “Closet Raids Are, Like, So 2013”

  1. I’ve always hated the gaydar thing.So many people still stand by it today.I also hate when people come out to their parents and their parents say “We always knew.”Like really, so what if they brought a girl home, would they go “oh honey, I guess we were wrong.”It bugs me when people think they know something that hasn’t been confirmed.Unless you’re Professor Charles Xavier or Jean Grey, shut the hell up.I could understand if you’re son is one of those super feminine boys but most of the time that’s not the case.

    Quick little story.I kind of felt bad for this little boy.There are these kids that play around the neighborhood and I noticed that this little boy was very feminine and he ran like a girl.One of the other boys even told him he ran like a girl.He started switching his head, hips, and wrist back and forth like a ghetto girl saying he doesn’t care.He was loud to.I can tell he’s gonna be one of them loud queens that goes YYYYYAAAAAAASSSSSS!.

    However, some boys are feminine because they developed habits from their mothers.My brothers are straight but they have a few feminine mannerisms.

  2. @Jamari Fox I don’t know how we can tell someone else’s girlfriend to mind their own damn business when it comes to men they’re dating or fucking but I agree, relying on stereotypes, spreading falsehoods and innuendo because you’re a insecure bitch won’t get you far.

    @Zen Buddha Gaydar is a useful tool, if the tool is used with at least a modicum of decency. How do you think gay guys were able to get together back in the day? Adam4Adam wasn’t on the table. People don’t like gaydar because people don’t like strangers being able to clock them and guess what? No one matter how “unclockable” you think you are, there are people out there that don’t need to wait for you to do something “faggoty,” they just need to hang around you. For me at least, and I know I’m not the only one, when I meet men, supposedly straight men, I can almost smell it on them, plus don’t forget THE EYES. The eyes will get you every time.

    Plus parents do know. Doesn’t matter how flaming you are or not, you are their child and you live in their house and your mom is doing your laundry, cleaning your room, etc…you may not notice but your parents end up knowing you very well, even if they are denial about your sexuality.

  3. Alright now, tell em man. Everyone just needs to stop trying to figure out who is gay and focus on their own lives. However, that does not mean we should quit trying to figure who is down for our own purposes, we do have to live, but we have to quit being nosey towards the ones who do not interest us. I have done this once or twice in the past, but I have stopped. The queens are the worst with this though, whispering with their friends as men walk by, so sad. Grow up people before you get popped, or your body ends up in a river.

    The ones who are detectable and don’t know it kill me. Have you all met those types? They think they are masculine and they are far from it lol. Dudes claiming they hate fems, but they are first ones rolling their neck and eyes at you, that’s them. They ought to stop right? lol. Take out those purple contacts dude and put some swag in your walk. Stop walking with your waist and walk with your back and shoulders straight like a man should. I love a man with good posture lol.

    I have surprised a couple dudes with my sexuality. “I thought you were cute, but damn I would have never guessed” lol. I believe in gaydar, it is a powerful tool which has created good relationships and even hookups everywhere. I have great gaydar, and the motto is the eyes don’t lie. I blame you guys out there for the reason my gaydar is so good though. Dudes speaking to me that I do not even know. “How you doin bruh?” Yea, I love that shit. They can’t resist.

    S/N: Am I the only one who loves to get attention from females? Jamari you have talked about this, and a few of you have too in the past. I love that I have the ability to woo women and make them weak in the knees lol. It is fun, even though I do not have interest in them as much as I do men.

    1. ^^I love female attention lol. It’s nice to know that I can still pull!! Everyone (especially females) needs to mind their own fuckin business. Who I’m FUCKING and how I live my life shouldn’t matter to anyone but me and the person I’m living it with. Stop trying to figure something out that has nothing to do with you.

    2. Man when I tell you now that I have muscled up, I get more attention from females than males lol. I was at Str8 News Years party and this girl literally saw me from across the room and kept looking and finally made her way over to me and started up a convo, its weird because i want to attract dudes and the opposite always happen LOL. I still flirt a little with females but many of them get a little upset with you if you dont take their bait, so now alot of times I just act oblivious when I know they are obviously flirting with me.

      Now I will be the first to admit, my damn Gaydar is so off unless you are a fem dude, I can never really clock dudes and be clueless when I perceive you to be str8 acting, I have actually missed out on a dude trying to holla at me and I had no idea because he was str8 or so I thought but my homie was with me and picked up on it right away that he liked me. What I personally hate is when females ask me thinking Im str8 about a questionable gay/dl dude, I have had this on the job, I never answer because I know that it could be me next they are talking about. Most females in my book and queens are messy and I try to avoid both except on a superficial cordial level. I can never understand why its so important to people to know who you are sleeping with, if you are not sleeping with them its none of your damn business.

  4. @man you will have to teach me the eyes thing, but I think that I got it, cause dudes when they see me their eyes goes like pawn!!! Wide open and stuff heheheh

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