so i watched the “wicked for good” trailer and bawled.

the young me,
that frowned every time karaoke played the broadway soundtrack for the original “wicked”,
would judged at the current me.
tbh:

i hate i didn’t get into wicked sooner.

back then,
i was so concerned with fitting into spaces that never welcomed me,
i really missed a story that reflected my life back to me.

it’s funny how the things we react when we are ashamed of ourselves,
eventually come back to heal or teach us a lesson.

when i watched the first “wicked” movie last year,
i didn’t expect to relate to “the green one” so deeply…

i didn’t realize empathy had died until i saw the crowd it drew.
influencers in black,
ring lights at the casket,
hashtags as eulogies.
somewhere between the reposts and the think pieces,
the human part of caring got lost.
everyone’s mourning but no one’s moved…

last night,
i was telling someone that 2025 has been the year of learning people.
they were grieving someone they loved that passed away.
someone who complained about how cruel folks were to them when they were alive.
those same jackals in 2025?

posting tributes
writing novels on all the socials
acting like they cared for clout

…but the one on the phone who actually stood by them?
they are being treated like a ghost.

these days,
a crisis only matters if it trends on tiktok.
if it becomes a 30-video saga with sad music and captions for sympathy.
we got people with typical ‘send love’ or ‘checking in’,
but disappear the second it gets inconvenient.
empathy out; self absorption in.
they WILL reappear if you win the lottery,
get nominated for an emmy,
or fuckin’ drop dead.

we’ve got a president who confuses pettiness for leadership and who thinks empathy is weakness.

…and i’m starting to realize more of us are like him than we care to admit.
that should hurt feelings.
so i can’t help but wonder…

i have a theory about this but i’ll get into it later.

while i was on a mental vacation,
The Foxhole was sending me stuff about the latest power couple on a baecation.
zed-minusray and kellon deryck.

Foxhole,
if you think this is going to be a love story,
i see why some of these OF jackals scam ya’ll.
this situation(ship) is one thing and one thing only…

“a story of low self esteem.”

that was on the first page.
i think it might have been a warning.
last week,
i decided to start reading to get my mind off “well, you know“.

the new movie “pillion” is based off a book called “box hill” by adam mars-jones.
the book follows colin who meets ray at a biker club called “box hill”.
it is based in the 70s,
but if this was current,
he would be considered an “the fantasy attentionisto” on socials.
so they meet when colin trips over ray at the club…

…and while on his knees,
he sucked ray’s dick at the club because,
well,
why not since he was already down there.

i’m not finished reading but colin annoys me because every other sentence is:

i want you to do something for me.
ready?
it might be a big ask for some but…

there are some albums that i’m not ready for yet.
i’ve always been the type that when i hear an album for the first time,
i might not take to it presently,
but “future jamari” needed it.
that has been a number of artists that i revisited,
especially once the hype has died down.
arianna grande,
“eternal sunshine“,
is one i revisited recently that i really ended up liking.
when i first heard it,
i was like “wtf is this shit?” especially,
“yes, and?“.
this song:

love.
love.
love.
LOVE.

sidebar: i randomly decided to listen to taylor’s “poets of the torture department in society”,
or whatever its called,
and i really like it now because i thought that shit was boring when if first heard it.

even though i took to mariah’s new album,
“here for it all“,
tbh…