i am not liked.
that sentence was hard for me to accept tbh.
some people have made it pretty clear that they don’t accept me.
for years,
i tried to be a perfectionist when it came to people.
i was trained that way by a family who cared what people thought.
i’ve always tried to find love and acceptance within the crowd.
alas,
i wasn’t like everyone else even though i tried to be.
once i got hurt a few times,
i was battling between people-pleasing and not gaf.
i became assertive and not with the bullshit.
from jobs to people from my past,
i became unliked yet unforgettable.

I have the magical power of keeping some people pressed.

i realized something after a conversation yesterday…

Continue reading “the art of being (un) liked” →

it’s hard to describe what depression feels like.
what being in a dark place feels like for myself and many of us.
i’ve tried to put it into words and i just come up with “extreme sadness“.
for those on the outside,
their advice is:

“You’ll be fine after you take a walk or put a penis in your mouth.”

…because walking and sex are the cure for everything.
there are many power walkers and human sex toys that are still depressed.
depression is similar to having a monster in your brain.
it takes control of every negative emotion within your body.
the monster’s sole purpose is to turn your entire world upside down.
it knows we are too weak to fight it so…

Continue reading “i think i’ve found a great way to describe depression” →

many years ago when i was in “hoe phase” lite,
i went home with a wolf i didn’t know i was going home with.
we been sexting and texting the days leading up to that night.
he hit me up and told me he was coming to take me to an event.
it was a gay event or something.
i remember being on the way to drunk because he kept buying me drinks.
after we finished molesting each other on the dance floor,
we went back to his car and made out.
at that moment,
i knew i was getting some pipe but…

Continue reading “that time i thought i was gonna poop on his penis” →

i was having a discussion with my therapist last week,
super depressed,
and telling her how i’m running out of money.
i don’t even have much food in my fridge.
i’ve been trying to save the little bit of money that i have for rent.
from friends,
foxholers,
and my therapist…

“Why don’t you open up a Patreon for your work?”

i didn’t know what that would look like for me tbh.
every time i tried to get sponsors and ads,
i would get rejected because of the kind of content we talk about here.
it really made me feel like i hit a wall.
another question i had was…

Continue reading “so i shut down a part of the foxhole and movin’ it somewhere else” →

i think many people who “make it” end up having buyer’s remorse.
we always forget about:

“In the Honeymoon Phase”

you’d think a baller wolf like lebron james would never feel lonely.
beautiful wife,
amazing kids,
celebrity friends,
and a shit ton of accolades.
he tweeted this the other day…

Continue reading “just like you, lebron james gets lonely too” →

laying on my couch in the dark,
i stare up at the ceiling as the street lights peek through the drapes.
it’s around 2 am and i can’t fall asleep.
my thoughts continuously keep me up at night.
the fears and worries have become my personal freddy kreuger.
the only sound coming from my apartment is the ticking of the clock.
it sounds like a bomb almost.

Tick.
Tick.
Tick.

mentally and emotionally,
thats how i’ve been feeling.
i have been waiting for the big explosion.
it feels like i’ve fallen off from myself and my life…

Continue reading “being built (again)” →