accountability week | july 5th – 11th

i wanted to post on sunday but i was sick af.
so leggo...

POSITIVES

my birthday week was reall chill.
i kept it really low-key,
but got so many amazing birthday wishes.
it was the exact birthday i wanted.
thank you to all the foxholers who sent me birthday love and money as well!

my cancer senses are so heightened right now.
every time i think of something or someone,
i see it or the person contacts me.
i’ve had this one wolf on my mind heavy recently.
i’ve been seeing his name everywhere and feeling a strong sexual pull to him.

i’ve been getting back into more hip hop and r&b.
my comfort zone has been pop.

i’m gonna be a supreme beast when i come back onto the scene.

i’ve been envisioning what i want from my life in my head but…

NEGATIVES

…i’ve been having a really hard time trying to change the story i tell myself.
i’m so used to expecting the negative or feeling fear.
this has not been easy for me but i’m working on changing.
being a perfectionist and wanting it to be perfect doesn’t help either.
i’m beatin’ myself up because i feel i’ve been doing it wrong.

i’ve been fighting the urge to hop on my burna account and go snooping.
it does nothing but raise my anxiety tho.
so far,
i’ve been good at minding my business and talking myself out of it.

i really hate this group chat i’m in.
my old story is to tell myself that it’s cliquey and feels like i’m being ignored.
i want to believe that story.

still a work in process,
but i feel like i’ve been making strides.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

2 thoughts on “accountability week | july 5th – 11th

  1. i’m so used to expecting the negative or feeling fear.

    It’s so easy to give into negative thoughts. Changing your thinking is literally a mental workout. We don’t want to go to the gym every week. We don’t want to put effort into manifesting positivity.

    It starts with waking up. If you say “ugh, this again”, your mind prepares for the day to be bad. But if you jump out of bad, cheery and happy to be alive, you start to break the cycle.

    Try not to focus your happiness on good things happening to you. When we see people “laughing to themselves for no reason”, we call them crazy. Why do you need a reason to be happy? Maybe these ‘crazy people” are onto something. Try being happy even if you have no reason to. Any small joy such as rewatching a movie you love, replaying an old game, eating a snack you like, getting the choreo down for a song you like, chatting up your lonely elderly neighbor…focus on the little joys. They will make the more unpleasant moments bearable.

    Remember, the happiest people in the world aren’t rich. They’re poor, but wealthy in spirit, health and giving to others even when they don’t have anything material to give, so they give time, a listening ear, etc

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