one of my biggest fears use to be getting abused.
i knew i wasn’t strong and would probably go back if i really loved him.
thank God i got my tail in therapy to work those kinks out.
Abuse isn’t just physical.
Verbal,
mental,
and emotional black eyes hurt just as worse.
i am very sensitive to seeing abuse.
there was a scene in the players club as a kid that traumatized me.
it was a vixen getting raped and beat up but behind a door.
( x it was this scene here )
i never watched this movie again off this scene alone.
a foxholer sent me the IG of aaron drew tonight.
aaron documented his abuse and this is very trigger warning ahead…
View this post on Instagram
the blood on the walls!!!!
the black eyes!!!!
Jesus…
i legit teared up as it kept going.
i am so saddened by this but it is important to show.
i feel like it doesn’t matter who we are or how strong we think we are.
Domestic violence can reach any of us at any given moment.
The real test is if we stay or we leave.
Many choose to go back.
it doesn’t have to be with fists either.
other forms of abuse can break your spirit as fists can break your bones.
I pray for strength to any of my Foxholers that are dealing with any kind of abuse.
it’s better to be alone than to deal with the back and forth of abuse.
The Foxhole is sending love and prayers to aaron drew.
i hope he continues to heal and moves forward to a kinder love.
And this healing thing, it’s completely non-linear. But we will get there. If I can, let me remind you that love isn’t abusive, and no— you didn’t deserve what happened to you. You do deserve to be whole, happy, respected, believed, healed— loved. Just know that it’s completely okay to take your time. Most won’t understand— some won’t even believe you. But you don’t need anyone’s permission to do what’s right for you. Find your meditative space and feel the emotions. All of them. Reflect and ask yourself difficult questions—and learn to be okay when you don’t quite yet know the answers to them. See a counselor if you need to. Just… don’t let the anger consume you. Because If there’s one thing I’ve come to understand amid all of this, it’s that you have to go through the heartbreak. There’s no over or under trauma of this nature. Somedays you might regress into a depressive rage. And some days will be better than others… but eventually, you’ll learn to love the reflection in the mirror all over again.
Until then, be kind to yourself. Be brave— and do hang in ???? – Aaron Drew
I’m glad he’s on a healing path. It took courage to share what he endured. Remember, if your boyfriend/partner/husband subjects you to any kind of abuse, even mild psychological abuse, it’s a red flag to pay attention to. Draw up an escape plan, start packing your bags if you can and be sure your other loved ones know how to reach you!
I’m short and slim and honestly I have turned down many men because I’m worried if they get violent, if they can overpower me. I’ve seen Black gay guys get killed over video games. I hope everyone leaves at the first sign. Apparently playfighting is a test to see if you’re down to get abused and that scared me because I always let dudes do that.
Yeah this is so real, I don’t think I will ever Pursue any thing long term with brolic athletic or just well built types, I have seen too much DV in my life around others I care about at the hands of bigger men to women and smaller men who had no defense against them.
I think the big guys are great for a short while and some fun nights but I feel they are too much of a liability. I know not all physically strong men are like that but the thing about abusers is that you can’t always see them coming, because some of them hide it so well it becomes less about if you would physically abuse someone and more of if you even could.
If I have no chance to defend myself against you because it would be like a stuffed animal throwing punches at concrete, then that’s a relationship that goes nowhere for me personally I just can’t take the risk after all I’ve seen.
Also as Jamari stated there’s other kinds of abuse and physically weaker partners can be abusive in other ways than physical and I don’t want to discount that and what people have gone through at the hands of the physically weaker but this one is so personal for me which makes me so preachy about it.
I am glad for Aaron’s recovery and hopes for his safety and happiness always.
I’m thankful That he’s still here after enduring such trauma.