i am very self absorbed.
i can admit it to the foxhole.
now i’m not the animal who cares only about himself.
or the one who takes selfies all damn day.
no.
i am self absorbed in another way.
the worse way.
i’ve been doing some thinking about it and well…

i have this nasty habit of feeling like i always do something wrong.
its usually when people don’t respond or hit me up.
like lets say the day before we were talking,
or we are in a good place,
and suddenly you don’t the next day?
or if i am met with this attitude.
i’ll assume i did something thast made you feel that way.
or maybe i’m bothering you.

strangers: whatever.
people i am cool with: yes definitely

i don’t ever want to be “that animal”.
you know the one?
the one who is annoying.
you know some people in life aren’t honest.
they will smile in your face,
but talk about you and your “annoying ways” behind your back.

usually i’m wrong on if i’m bothering someone.
other times i’m right when i can tell someone is in a “mood”.
its all a toss up,
but i can usually sense when something is wrong.

the problem is that,
sometimes,
i might be picking up on the wrong frequency.
my people are probably dealing with their own issues.
it usually has nothing to do with me.
when i’m moody,
i don’t want to be bothered.
i may not answer a text/call.
why is it when its done to me is when i take it personal?
thats no good.
see my parents made me feel this way growing up.
i hate that i suffer from these issues.
they made me feel like i always was doing something wrong.
i couldn’t make a mistake without feeling like absolute shit.
they took “strict” to another level.

so i’m trying to burn that completely up.
that has to go.
everything is not always about “me”.
other people have shit going on in their own lives.
if i sense someone is not in the mood,
i’ll back up and just give them space.
i’ll also won’t be scared to send a text.
if we are “cool”,
there is no reason to feel that way.
i will stop creating “doubt” without evidence.

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…annnnnnnnddddd *exhales*.

lowkey: this helps me.
i’d rather be honest about who i am,
then pretend to be this perfect animal with no flaws.
i’m damaged,
but i’m putting the pieces back together.
#dontjudgeme