2016 just really sucks,
i was at work and found out some bad news in the afternoon…
my family member who had breast cancer passed away.
they didn’t suffer.
i was done for the rest of the day after that.
i came home and spent the day laying on my couch.
slept with the help of sleeping pills,
and threw up off and on because of my anxiety.
i can’t afford to go to the funeral which is down south.
if i could,
but i don’t know when this job is ending.
i spoke to my family members and they told me it was okay.
the part that bothers me is i was so self absorbed and self involved.
i was supposed to call her back so we could talk.
she was in the hospital when i spoke her about two weeks ago.
i was supposed to call her in a week,
but i got so wrapped up in work and other issues.
i feel like i messed up.
i shed a lot of tears in 2016.
i don’t know when i’ll be all cried out.
i take one step forward,
and then this year says:
stay the fuck ten steps back.
this is one of the reasons i don’t feel like doing anything for thanksgiving.
that holiday is cancelled this year.
i’ll probably do the same for christmas as well.
do over for 2017?
lowkey: i’m so grateful i have supportive friends and a huge foxhole.
i probably would have killed myself a long time ago.
thank you for being there.