i always love the definition of “savage mode”.
it’s when you have no fucks to give and express it through actions.
now for some,
it can be used to hurt the innocent.
the ones who are totally fed up use it to let others now:
“I Ain’t that One”
it also seems like a lonely life to live every single day.
i feel savage mode should be turned on and off.
give it when it needs to be given.
you know what has been hurting me the most lately?
well i’ll tell you…
Giving your power to someone/thing
it is like an addiction.
it can be the hardest thing to get yourself off.
i can maintain my shopping addiction,
and i’m not falling victim to drug/alcohol/sex addictions,
but i’m starting to realize that my addiction is people.
before it use to be strangers.
i would care so much what any random thought of me.
if they said my outfit looked bad,
then i’d go home and burn it.
i grew out of that.
now it’s “those i have/had a connection” with.
people often tell me:
“You need to leave them alone.”
…and i’m left wondering,
they didn’t do anything to me that required an unfollow.
they all still support me on random things.
i’m the one who has way too many emotions invested.
i always have this motto of:
“if someone does the same to me,
then i’ll do the same to them.”
…but i think that does more harm than good,
because when “whoever” isn’t there for me,
then i end up taking it real personal.
it also means that i’ll always come running for them out of “people pleasing”.
“good ol dependable jamari” will always be there.
i did/do with work wolf and even my last job.
i want to stop doing what i use to do.
i don’t want to make it a habit in my recent new relationships also.
i’m tired of always being there for those who get “too comfortable” with me.
as soon as they pull away,
i start chasing emotionally.
that is my issue.
maybe i can’t fix my past persona with others,
Is it too late to try?
maybe no one can relate to this,
or maybe you do,
but i figured i’d font it on internet paper to release.
thanks for reading.