i’m working on my ego.
i’m starting to see that muthafucka has been a hindrance in my life.
it has ruined potentially great relationships.
i can be honest about that.
i was the type of fox to be like…
“If this wolf doesn’t text me back in a day,
I’m taking his number out my phone and banishing him!”
super od.
i felt like if someone supposedly was interested,
they should be all over me.
if i’m supposed to be “good looking”,
then i should have wolves making it known that they want me.
even in a public setting.
That’s how “good looking” folks are supposed to be treated,
right?
it even started happening with friends.
i started feeling like if they didn’t feed my fragile ego,
or treat me how i treated them,
then they weren’t good friends.
i’m here to tell you all…
That ain’t it
we need to start removing ourselves from our egos and see the whole forest.
no one is obligated to treat us the way we expect.
just because we do it,
that’s great,
but it’s not the rule.
we forget that others go through problems or busy.
when i’m in a mood,
i don’t particularly want to talk to anyone.
so if this is the case,
if i don’t get the response i’m looking for,
why do i allow it to take control of me in a negative way?
i’ve been asking myself this question because i’m tired of living like that.
What is the truth?
it’s looking at all sides of the forest in an aerial view.
step outside myself for a second.
if someone shows they are interested in you,
have said it and shown thru actions,
then that is their truth.
so give it a day or two,
and if you still don’t hear anything:
How about sending a message and say wassup?
it wouldn’t hurt.
they aren’t a fire breathing dragon.
if they don’t respond to that message in a few days,
then it’s done.
you know where you stand so no need to go in.
that is still their truth.
you can take them out the phone and keep it moving.
you have no more attachments because you’ve let them go.
it’ll be their loss and someone else’s gain.
your ego is not fed and you’re able to go about your business unscathed.
if they don’t have the class to end it,
you don’t have the running shoes to chase it.
we don’t chase ghosts.
once your get your ego in check,
i think that’s when your fucks to gives diminishes too.
it’s such a happier place to live,
ain’t it?
lowkey: this is one of the reasons i’d never out someone.
i don’t care how rich or connected you are,
i’m not dealing with being treated like shit ever again.
i won’t have to out you.
i’ll just never speak to you again.
I actually need this I’ve been thinking about these relationships that I wanted to happen and I have such a high expectation w/ folks that hen they don’t do everything that I want in the way I want it I’m upset/sad about it.
Anyways I do see that I need to step back and take time w/ this.
This came right on time! I get very down when the attention or love isn’t reciprocated in friendships, relationships etc.
It can be as simple as they didn’t text me back but on instagram or Snapchat. Only because when they want attention I give it to them.
It’s not my ego it’s my heart, I give 100% and never get 100% in return.
Gay men are among the biggest offenders when it comes to out of control egos. Mesh egoism with narcissism and behold! A vapid existence!
For anyone truly interested in taking back control from the ego I recommend reading “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle. Our egos will always ne a part of us, thus you can never trule neutralize it. But YOU CAN tell it to shut the fuck up and sit in the back sit if it must accompany you during the journey.
^wow my cousin hybrid recommended this book to me.
i’ve been slacking on reading it,
but i’ll check it out.
I loved Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now!” Changed everything..
Eh, I’m not sure how I fit into this.
I’ve never been the type to desire to be fawned over or treated better for being good looking.
I do find a lot of people aren’t so much interested in getting to know you as much as trying to figure you out. Once the mystery is solved, their effort is gone.
Or they want the relationship to fit into their expectations (i.e. sexual, or romantic) or they move on.
I’m good on all that. Luckily, I’m grown with responsibilities. I have better things to do than ponder the what ifs.
^i think your story is much different.
you have achieved much more than others or can see the light in certain things.
that is a blessing for you to be able to come that far to reach that point.
others aren’t so lucky.
I can relate to JAY in this aspect. I try to keep it very simple with people. I will make an effort, by initiating, and if it’s reciprocated, I will continue to make an effort for as long as they do, or if they are CLEARLY brushing me off, I will suddenly lose interest, they may come back, and if their excuse is good enough, I’ll hear them out, if not, they’ll get a dose of their own medicine.
With this method you have every right to leave because you’ve already extended the olive branch, if they don’t take it, that’s on them. I don’t take it personal, nor do I think about why. They can not be interested for whatever reasons they like, that’s their right, so I don’t waste my time worrying about people, I just keep it moving. At least I know I tried, and knowing that it’s not always all about you helps too.
With that being said, I see where both you(Jamari) and JAY are coming from. If someone’s interested, they’re interested, if you have to question it, they’re probably not that interested, and that’s okay, because I know that not everybody has to like me.
Wow! I needed this checking J! I think that because I’m good-looking that men should cater to me. They already think I’m stuck up, conceited, high maintenance, and bougie. I need to be less up in the air and more friendly.
^i’m starting to realize my ego was very fragile.
no one has to put up with mine,
as i don’t have ti put up with theirs!
just because they say i’m attractive,
doesn’t mean i’m going to be drooled after.
it may also mean wolves are intimidated as well.
it could also mean not everyone will be attracted to me.
once you live like this,
it feels so peaceful and it doesn’t make you “want” or feel “lack”.