There is a scene in sex and the city where Carrie fucks someone’s husband.
That someone’s husband,
Mr. Big,
was the love of her life.
The victim was the vixen,
Natasha,
that he chose after he broke up with carrie.
Whenever Carrie saw Natasha,
she did everything to get her forgiveness.
Natasha wanted nothing to do with it or Carrie.
Every time she sees Carrie,
her body language makes it perfectly clear she hates her.

someone said something about this situation that blew me away.
they said it wasn’t that carrie was sorry about the situation.
she didn’t give a fuck she fucked mr. big in their bed and got caught.
the real issue is…

Carrie couldn’t handle the fact that Natasha didn’t like her.

it was the “a-ha moment” that shifted my perspective.
it made me take some accountability in my own life.
there are things that i felt guilty about in situations,
whether it involved other males or burned bridges.
i didn’t feel sorry about the situations because tbh,
i wanted the other male or i chose another side in conflict.
the issue is:

I couldn’t stand the fact the person(s) didn’t like me.

even when situations were 110% not my fault.
my own trauma and distress made me want to be liked by everyone.
it made me want to always “do the right thing” even when i was lying to myself.
i’m here to font myself and you:

There are people,
regardless of if we are right or wrong,
or if we showed up or not in their lives:

They will NOT like us.

…and honestly,
many of us need to learn to accept that truth.
we have done fucked up things and people will react accordingly.
we have done nothing at all but some people need a scapegoat for their bad behavior.
people will know we were the victim and still choose the jackals/hyenas who did us wrong.
people will not like us because we hurt them and they chose to see us for who we are.

Those were all truths that I honestly could not accept.