I couldn’t help but wonder:
Do we all carry a secret fantasy,
a vision of revenge that keeps us going through the toughest times?

i have this secret fantasy in my head.
a clear vision of how i’d like my life to turn out.
it’s what keeps me going as i suffer.
it’s a vision of me finally happy…

my career has taken off and i finally have money.
i’ve paid off all my bills and i’m able to buy a home.
the state is TBD.
do i want to stay in new yawk,
go upstate,
or venture somewhere entirely new?
i finally have the right partner of my desires and needs who loves every single part of me.
i won’t have to guess or wonder how he feels about me.

When i’m finally interviewed about my rise out the valley…

i can speak about those who didn’t stand with me.
those who never checked in to see how i was.
the ones who never asked me if i was okay.
no “do you have food in your fridge?” or “how are you feeling right now?”.

The ones I did all of those things for.
The ones I let go on and on about them.
The ones I share blood with.
I want to come for all of them.

the taste of spite is sweet when you emerge from rock bottom because you worked your ass off.
we don’t have to pretend to “do the right thing“.
this is a safe space.

People were assholes to us and all we did was try to be kind.
A friend.
Family.

today,
i suffer and starve.
tomorrow could be my breakthrough.
i’m asking God,
The Universe,
My Angels,
and my Spirit Guides to bring me a better tomorrow.
to help me reinvent who people thought i was.
to make sure there is room on my beautiful brown ass for many to kiss.

…BUT i don’t ever want to be bitter or mean.
i don’t want to be nasty to those who were good to me.
i never want to be like my oppressors.
in fact,
i want you all to check me if i get out of line.

in the end,
i want to rise above but i won’t lie to you if i didn’t font that i was angry.

i might need to watch game of thrones again.