when i turn into a werewolf,
like any other fox,
it’s usually NOT pretty.
that means i am either fed up or super horny.
either someone will get cussed out real mean…
or a vicious nut will be pulled out his pipe.
maybe even both depending on the situation.
i’d like to think “ratchet jamari” is my werewolf side.
when i do turn into a werewolf,
and can’t express it the right way,
it leaves me having the craziest mood swings.
so much so,
i was so restless that i couldn’t even sleep last night…

so yesterday,
i wanted to have this whole upkeep session in order.
cut.
nails.
maybe feet.
i had some extra money and i wanted to spend it on upkeep.
after i would take myself to see godzilla and get some dinner.
so i called my barber shop early to see if my kinda new barber had arrived.
i have been on the hunt for the perfect barber for a while.
after my official barber suddenly quit and was never heard from again.
in jail i’m sure.
i have been to hell and back with barbers.
this new one was cool,
but i been noticing for a while he been way too distracted.
like he’ll stop in the middle of doing hair to do all kinds of shit.
talk on the phone
talk to hood rats
go to the store
go smoke a black n mild
talk summo
run a marathon
save a cat from a tree
help fire fighters with burning buildings
his adhd swag is always turnt up.
a fox doesn’t have the time.
mind you he was gone last weekend so i was woofin.

this week he decides to come in at 4.
i get there at 415 and he has two heads with one in the chair.
he is on the phone and arguing with his baby moms.
those two heads both made him do their hair over since he was fuckin’ up.
get to me now,
at like 730ish,
i show him a picture of how i want my shit done.
this nigga fucked up my hair.
why?
he was in a rush to leave because he had a flight to catch tomorrow.
i left there heated,
mostly mad at myself,
that i even allowed this to happen.
was it his fault?
or my fault?
thats all i could ask myself.
like how you gonna talk shit about the other barbers,
say you this official barber who is better,
yet they all had about 5 or 6 heads in their chairs while i was waiting.
when i was talking to left,
on a vent session about the issue,
this was his logic:

“well he does a good job on your hair,
right?
he had something to do so you need to shut up and just deal with it.
you gonna leave that shop to go look for something new?
what if they do a bad job at the next shop?”

it low-key pissed me off even more.
so you’re telling me that not because he is overbooked,
but because he is fuckin’ stupid,
that i’m suppose to deal with that?
thats like someone getting good dick,
but the other aspects of the relationship are awful.
you just stickin around because you don’t want to be lonely.

i felt like i wanted to maul him until the white meat.
nah buddy.
new shop for me.

i did come to a major decision while waiting tho.
when someone wants to be in your life,
they will do everything in their power to be there.
if you have to do more reaching out than they are,
then you haven’t seen the red flags blowing in the wind.
i have.
i erased mr. big wolf from my phone.
“it was all good bout a week ago”.
he started acting real brand new and fake.
this is just who he is.
something star fox told me and i suddenly remembered today:

“mr big wolf does not know how to be a friend.
he can’t be a friend because he has fucked pretty much all his friends.
he then tries to establish a friendship after they fuck and fucks it up somehow.
one time he got drunk,
threw up,
and peed in his friend’s bed.
he didn’t offer to clean it up or pay for new sheets,
he just left.
the friend gets mad because he did this,
so mr. big wolf gets mad at the friend for being mad.
the friend ends the friendship and he couldn’t understand why.”

i guess i thought it would be different since we both lost star fox and now shared a bond.
plus he was tough talking this “he changed and saw the light” chicken soul for the soul shit.
“when people show you who they are; believe it.”
i believe he was erased around 7ish.
cleaned his spot with lysol and a swiffer wet jet for the next.
waiting in that shop did allow me to think about some things.
maybe i’m a fuckin’ idiot?
maybe i ignored obvious red flags because i thought it would change?
maybe i shouldn’t beat myself up because it’s life and this is part of growth?
i’m still so moody with the after effects,
waking up at the crack of dawn and shit,
but i pray for a better sunday ahead.

thanks for the vent.