The Power To Fuck You Up

power.
it’s not the “caring” about something,
but it’s giving power to it that fucks us up.
we do it with:

males
sexuality
sex
money
jobs
hurt
depression
suicidal thoughts

it doesn’t matter what it is.
so yesterday

i noticed that my keyboard keys weren’t working on my mac.
this has always an issue with my macs.
it happened last year and it was their fault.
this time,
the letters i, o, and y were either stalling or not working.
i booked an appointment the day before and took it down to the apple store.
well…
this smug white hyena said he saw oil underneath those keys.

…the fuck?

i don’t eat nor drink near my laptop so i confused.
with his “hand to chest” and full passive aggression:

“well,
i’m not saying you did.”

he kept doing that when i tried to defend myself.
i swear,
i wanted to punch him in his grill how he was talking to me.

it was with this condescending tone that really irked me.
also,
how can you even argue that without looking crazy?
he was right in one aspect.
he doesn’t live with me to know what happened.
so then he says:

“well it will be 400 to get it fixed.”

now my laptop is still covered under warranty,
but i see he was trying to play me.
i don’t have that kind of money so i packed my shit up and walked out.
he was still doing the awkward explaining,
but i had already banished him from my existence.
as i sat on the train,
i thought about everything going wrong in my life.

gas
window
no job
now laptop issues

i was giving power to my woes.
clearly i didn’t snap out of it until this morning,
but i’m trying to learn how to dismiss it faster.

A majority of the shit in my life was due to me giving power to it

there are those on earth who don’t care enough.
they give a fuck about certain things,
but know to disengage when it’s something out of their control.
i adore that quality in others.
they always seem so at peace with themselves and their circumstances.
isn’t that the story of job?
if i really think about it…
all of these situation(s) happening wouldn’t allow me to be here right now.

…right?

13 thoughts on “The Power To Fuck You Up

      1. Jamari, I think Marc was just testing you.. seeing if you are following what your just wrote. lol.. nice one Marc…

    1. *inhales deeply, holds hands up to mouth, extends hands* BOY! You need to chill because you really don’t know Jamari like that. Now I don’t know if it was a joke or not, but for real, he didn’t just blog this for your enjoyment okay? He did it because he needed to vent and also to share his life experiences with so that when we read it, we relate and offer advice to him. I don’t know you and you don’t know me but I do know ignorance, stupidity, immaturity, hatred, and shaming when I see it. Now begone troll!

  1. I agree. You should keep all the power. But, that might mean keeping all the responsibility, too. I try to accept responsibility for EVERYTHING that happens to me, especially those that could easily be seen as someone else’s fault. “What did I do to inspire her to say that?” ” If I had chosen a better weather website, I wouldn’t have been caught in the rain without an umbrella.” “There was probably a way to tell that this flight would cancel. I should have known that.” I know how extreme this sounds. But, the power to change things lies ALWAYS with me and never with anyone else. I am the subject of my sentences, not the object. I am the star of my movie, not a supporting character. I am never waiting for someone else to make the decisions that determine the trajectory of my life. Mine is an extreme view of the world. But, it works for me. I offer it for your consideration.

    1. ^i can dig that jay.
      that makes a ton of sense tbh.
      i bought an external keyboard because of the situation last year.
      i hooked it up and made a nice stand on my table.

      as usual,
      the foxhole comes through with intelligence and offering solutions for growth.

    2. @ Jay

      I’m onboard with taking responsibility for oneself but lets not pretend that we don’t live in a world full of parasitic creatures whom are intent on making the lives of others miserable. Are YOU responsible when a drunk driver who woke up in the morning craving vodka slams into your car while you were on your way to a job interview? Are YOU responsible when some dejected female at your job decides to start false rumors about you which eventually makes it to your bosses ears?

      Again, I’m with you in theory. We are responsible for our circumstances in most cases, but lets not go overboard. The Apple employee was more then likely being a cunt to Jamari and that hasn’t a thing to do with Jamari’s actions prior to arriving at that store.

      1. ^love this as well.

        i went in there with a positive attitude.
        im not one to be rude or demanding especially when i need help.
        well needless to say I got that response.
        he had an attitude when he took my laptop to the back.

      2. When something happens, it is immediately in the past. As such, it exists ONLY in the retelling. You can use to tell the story of what happened in ways you think most accurate or in ways that give you the power to control what happens from that moment forward. ” A drunk slammed into my car” could be recast as “My decision to wear a seatbelt caused me to survive” ” Apple guy was a cunt” could become ” My first attempt to get my keyboard fixed didn’t work.” My goal isn’t accuracy of description of past events so much as setting myself up to take control and to take action. This was, afterall, a response to Jamari’s assertion that he too quickly gives over his power to others. Sometimes, to make the crooked stick straight, you have to bend it far in the opposite direction.

  2. Keep on keeping on,remember that slaves had to keep on keeping on, and with way less than you. Life teaches use you are our life coach, and we are better because of what you share with us your trials and wins. Love you always.

  3. Love the bounce back, like you I’m learning to just let things go and put my focus on things I can have control over. I love the advice Jay gave in his comment above, we do need to take another look at some situations and see if there was anything we did or didn’t do to get us to the outcome we face.

    1. ^yeah,
      some issues we can see where we were at fault.
      like all said,
      others we can be totally innocent.
      It’s all in taking a mental recount of the situation.

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