So some shit happened…

as you know,
i have no problem being transparent with the Foxhole.
for those who have been following since the beginning,
you know i have shared my own shit with ya’ll.
you guys have shared so many personal things with me.

I’m grateful that ya’ll have allowed me to be ugly and admit some of my dumbest shit.

the following happened yesterday and tbh,
it really fucked up my plans to spend some time within The Foxhole.
the following is gonna be TMI and it might be gross to some…

so boom,
my intention was to get up and go get an iced coffee yesterday morning.
i had some stuff to font about with you all.
when i got up,
i had the urge to use the bathroom.
you know how the morning poops go.
this,
however,
was a lot different.

____________

Start TMI

I noticed it was harder than my usual.
It was so hard that it wasn’t even tryna coming out and live its truth in my toilet.
So this has happened before but it’s not to this extent.
The problem is,
this felt like it was so big and so hard that it would fuck me up in some way.
When I tried to strain a little to see if i could activate an exit plan,
it felt like it wasn’t gonna come out.
Not for nothing,
it felt like this:

Okay,
light panic started setting in.

So for that next hour,
I had this urge to use the bathroom but I couldn’t.
I knew that if I even tried to strain it out,
I would probably rip something and be at the hospital.
This had to be something that I had to let happen naturally.
Of course,
because of how hard this was,
I started to bleed.

__________

Super TMI

So I’m walking around my spot,
trying not to panic,
as I am crowning from my ass like I’m giving birth.
I’m prairie dogging it but this wasn’t a prairie dog peeking the hole.
It was a brown bear.

After realizing I wouldn’t find any comfort with my pants on,
I decided to sit on the toilet and try to relax.
This is where my therapy work comes in.
I had to try to breath and not go full tilt bat shit crazy mode.
After getting my thoughts together,
I could feel movement but it was very slow.
It felt like it was coming out but I needed to let the conductor of my bowels move that train.
When it finally did come out,
bay-bbbbbbbbbbbbbbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,
it was the LONGEST log that I have ever seen come out of my body.

It literally felt like I gave birth in my toilet.
“Congrats Jamari,
you’re the proud father of a brown baby anaconda.”
I had to look at it like how and why in God’s name was inside me.
I def used the bathroom a day or two before yesterday.
My poops are often soft so I’m very confused.

_________________

End TMI

I haven’t changed my eating habits.
i’ve been indulging in a more vegetarian-ish diet.
highlight: “ish“.
i don’t know if it was my new multi-vitamins that did something.
it could be cheerios oat and honey cereal i’ve been eating.

today,
i’m good.
like my hole,
my ego is a little bruised.
i’m not bleeding or anything.
i dunno but it annoyed me.

I wanted to let the Foxhole know because I didn’t want to be bothered yesterday.

i figured this is real life shit that can happen to any of us.
we all shit and sometimes,
it might not be a walk in the park.
thank you for reading.