expectations.
we all have them.
from jobs to potential mates,
we have a list of things we expect them to do.
well i’m learning i may expect a little too much…
i went out with a home vixen i’ve known for years earlier.
she met up with me at a nice spot in harlem.
burgers and good convo was on the menu.
she also lured me out my crib with the promise of a free lunch.
how could i say no?
i started to talk to her about mi.
one of the clients at my job gave me a pink lipgloss the day thursday.
it was a tester that wasn’t out in stores yet.
i figured give it to mi.
i have many home vixens who deserved it,
but i chose her since she was “family”.
when i came home,
she wasn’t there so i left it on the couch.
when she got in the house,
she never came to my room to say anything about it.
i had to walk out there to ask her if she liked it.
“yeah thanks.”
…in a very bland “whatever-ish” tone.
when i walked in the crib last night,
she had my living room ransacked.
there was hair pieces,
her blow dryer,
towel,
music blasting,
every fuckin light on,
and hair dye on my floor.
i inhaled/exhaled and walked into my room.
its when i walked in the bathroom,
that i was met with hair dye all over the place.
in the sink and all over my shower walls.
that was when i had the last straw.
“jamari calm down.
its not that serious.
i’ll clean it up.
stop being so dramatic.”
…bitch what???
why am i getting an attitude because you’re a dumb ass?
thats the part that confused me.
i left her where she stood and went into my room.
thats where these tweets came from:
when i woke up this morning,
she had an excuse as to why the hair dye was still not cleaned up:
“i tried to scrub it and it won’t come out.”
i had no voice to yell or pull my (he)bitch out my attic.
last time,
she attacked me in here.
i simply bounced to meet my home vixen.
i had to wonder why i even gave her that lipgloss?
she is so ungrateful its ridiculous.
when i finished explaining that story,
my home-vixen flat out told me:
“you expect people to do what you think they will do.
you thought by giving her that lipgloss,
she would return the favor and be this great person,
she has shown you countless times who she is.
you think because she is with you,
and you gave her a place to stay,
that she will treat you differently.
she won’t.
she may love you,
but that girl is the way she is due to her own life experiences.
believe it.”
“wow.”
“jamari from the time i’ve known you,
this is just who you are.
you always try to see the good in people.
you also expect them to treat you differently.
you try to control people.
these people are treating you the way they treat everyone.
then you get all mad and beat yourself up because they’re assholes.
you need to change your way of thinking.
it won’t be easy,
because this is learned behavior,
but you have to for your sanity.”
she was right.
absolutely right.
i even had to think about work wolf.
i expect him to treat me a certain way,
or do what i think he should do,
and i fall flat on my face each time.
when i think about it,
he does the same shit to me like he does to his harem.
what made me think i was different?
because i’m a fox?
after that lunch,
it made me feel drained.
i feel like my car has ran outta gas on a dark road.
i don’t know how i want to proceed next,
but i know my life needs adjustment.
the only problem is…
I don’t know how to do it.
do i become a full time (he)bitch?
cut people off?
become distant?
expect less?
expect more?
i don’t know what to do anymore.
high tolerance low expectations
“When people show you who they are, believe them.” Words to live by.
I used to be the nice guy. The one who wanted too see the good in everyone. I lived in a Disneyland fantasy where the good guy always wins.
I quickly found out that nice guys finish last because they place everyone else first.
I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I turned into quite the (he)bitch. My bullshit barometer is quite high & I’m not so accepting of others until they show me otherwise.
I’m very introverted but I surround myself with at least two people Ive known for 10+ years & can trust..Everyone else I meet is considered an associate.
I don’t put anything pass anyone nowadays though. I guess all there is to do is find that one person you can “love”, a close friend or two, maybe three & treat everyone else with a short string, but wisely.
^^ THIS! I’m the same way. I’m nice, but I make sure people know, I’m “CHOOSING” to be nice. I have very little tolerance these days for bs. Idc if people hate me for demanding my wants/needs, as long as I get what I need, everyone else be damned lol.
Some may say its selfish, but I see it as having my ow back, because who else is going to?
Small group of friends ive known for years, family (that I actually talk to) and myself. All I need!
I had to remember everyone doesn’t think like me and I had to learn to say no. You get to the point you realize that your time is valuable , and you don’t allow people to waste your time. When some people find that they can’t get anything else from you, trust me they will move on with a quickness!
Don’t expect less from people, expect nothing at all. That’s my motto.
I refuse to let anyone disappoint me ever again.
People have patterns and they seldomly break them.
If they’ve never been there for you in the past, don’t count on it in.the future.
Damn, I was hoping you and your cousin solved your issues for good.
^i thought so too…
I do the same thing. Falling in love with potential and trying to mold them into what you find acceptable. I’ve learned to stop doing that. When people show you who they are, please believe them.
When people show you who they are..believe them. First be who you are but realize what you invest may not always come back to you the same or better. Its like stocks and investments. You buy it because of what you think you will get in return. Your next move us to either cut your losses and withdraw your remaiNing investment and invest it elsewhere that will guarantee a better return.or leave it there and hope it gets better. You can’t keep watering a desert expecting roses to bloom
^thank you for the comment tony.
another good one.
Jamari give the “Nice Guy” book a read again, seems like it defines you as well.
Karma is bs. You make sure to treat people nicely, hoping they have enough common sense to treat you nice as well, they don’t. The truth is, being nice is not going to make life treat you better. You’re also “making deals” without explaining to people upfront what you want from them, you assume they’ll figure it out, they won’t.
You’re letting people control your happiness when you do this. Doing things your way may seem bitchy at first, but it’s the only way to do things if you want to be happy.
I’m waiting for when you finally tell mi about herself. I feel like she plays a big part in your unhappiness.
^you are absolutely right dee.
that “making deals” line is definitely the truth.
im happy you left this.
the end of summer seems to be a change about to come in my life.
@ mikey well said man…well said👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I understand…. & and your vixen friend is speaking the truth!
J, I’ve tried cutting people off til there was no one else around, being a (he) bitch is draining, I’ve burned bridges being distant, if I expect less of you why waste my time hanging with u???, then again why expect more only to be let down…..
I’m just as confused 😩
^its very confusing,
but answer will come soon.
J, I am so right there with you right now. My ride or die homies continue to disappoint me, I guess deep down, I know they are selfish and they drop me faster than a hot skillet when a new fox/wolf come along but I continue to believe they are kool. I was going to be nice and have a cookout for the holiday, but something told me just to wait and see if they would offer to do something, I am still waiting, not one mumbling word from them. I had put one on punishment and he got a lot better for a while and then its back to the same old thing. Another one is always selfish so I expect that from him. I see that I have to be the change I want to see no matter how hard it is to let go of comfortable ties.
It came into focus this week when an associate I ran into that I really do not even know that well other than when I see him out an event, or house party, we are friends on Facebook for all that’s worth, started telling me that he really digs some of my commentaries on politics and life I post on Facebook. We just talked and he invited me out to dinner and drinks one night and then treated me to a massage another day in the span of a week. Did not try to come on to me, or try to be romantic, just was a nice genuine person who was a friend who enjoyed my company. I was a little scared to even accept his kindness because I have been down the road with gay men having ulterior motives before, and I was not going for that. We ended up having a real nice time just talking and laughing, nothing like a date or anything, I could tell that even though he is financially well off, he just needs a good friend. I was floored by his generosity, I would never take advantage of him though, my male ego finds it hard for anyone to treat me, but I must admit it was nice for a change, if we never hang out again, he will always be a winner in my book, and sadly the woes I hang with all the time, never do anything nice like this unless its a birthday maybe. I think it may be time to change the company I keep.
^i love this comment t.
very self reflecting in many ways.
i say enjoy the friendship with this new new.
it may turn into a great friend.
Sigh the pitfalls of being a nice person and trying to see the good in everyone. I’m the same way and it is very draining. I think the best thing we can do is stand full in our convictions we need to start letting our Nos mean No and not have any feelings of guilt afterwards. My dad used to say something along the lines of ” there’s no point in trying to get people to feel guilty about something or act out because they’ll still be in their beds sleeping soundly while you’re the one up all night tossing and turning over something.”
We tend to put so much of ourselves out there for others we care for them, we listen to them, try to be there for them but in the end The same people that we are sticking our necks out for can’t do for us us in the same ways that we were doing for them. Once you put yourself in that role people and you get used to it, and while we’re making up excuses for their behavior, they’re continuing to take a vantage of our niceness.
^word mikey.
word.