thank you

f0xmail: Thank You/Testimony Letter

FOXMAIL

Let me start by saying this is Malcolm, I’ve been a faithful follower of your blog for quite some time. I want to just say to you that your blog gives more than just eye candy..It gives the readers, which is a body of various men from different walks a life, a connection in regards to what we have all experienced in this lifestyle. It gives us instruction of how to respond and carry ourselves when dealing with the bullshit that this lifestyle often brings and lastly HOPE that one day all of those things will lead to the man of our dreams…

I don’t know if this is really an advice FOXMAIL or just me giving a testimony but here goes:

2014 has been a emotionally exhausting year in a sense. I had just moved back to Philadelphia in January, after being away for 5yrs (attending college, living and just trying to progress thru life) so when i came back i figured since i just graduated from college in December and i was back home I was about to TURN UP and big things was a ‘gwon down’ buddy like my foreign relatives would always way LOL…BUT it was the exact opposite…I was accepted into this competitive forensic science program but didn’t have enough aid to fund it being that i didn’t get my STEM scholarship so i couldn’t go. JOBS kept telling me i either didn’t qualify or ‘over-qualified’. i had to live with someone for the first time in five years, and being on your own for such a long time then having to stay with someone is a BIG adjustment…ESPECIALLY when the person just ‘tolerates’ your lifestyle…they know, and so do you, that they abhor the way you live and think.

After being sexually abstinent for almost 7 months i had grown lonely and wanted some attention…so i did my casual perusing online and found a guy. He was 5’10, dark skin, nice physique and his dick game was beautiful…YES i said BEAUTIFUL!!! LOL he would pick me up in his car and take me over to his house faithfully. Our little affair happened for quite some time..until one night i was sleep and my phone was vibrating like crazy. i’d received a few random text messages. one that read” who the fuck is this number in my mans phone i seen this number in his call log” so i replied “you have the wrong number’ and she responded with his name and everything. Saying that they lived together and had children so i knew she wasn’t lying. She thought i was a female, and i played it off. I just don’t and won’t EVER out a man just because I’m out doesn’t mean my man has to be. However, when i tried to cut him off he became angry. He began texting me saying that he needed his fix, that he wasn’t going to stop talking to me and began acting stalkerish, then after him i began dealing with another guy, who turned out to be a drug dealer who also became very demanding. i became scared and flustered at the same damn time and i felt like the weight of everything was beginning to overwhelm me. After dealing with that and the frustrations of everything..i called my mother, she and i are very close and i share with her pretty much everything about my life..after hearing what i went thru she said baby come see me for awhile you need a break…i changed my number,relocated to stay with her for awhile as i planned my next move and etc..it was nice to get out of the city…and at first i was worried that i would never bounce back again. Upset that someone as hard working as i have was in dire need. out of boredom and curiosity, I tried the relationship thing again here. i met a guy who i told you about in that one entry who was a soldier, with two children he said wanted a relationship and that he was out with his sexuality. He’s about 5’8 with locs to his shoulders, dark skin and has the most dazzling smile. He would hold hands with me and kiss my hand when we would sit and talk. We dated for two and a half months before having sex, and i felt he was the one. I even mentioned to my mom about him, yet he eventually came forward and said that his family DIDN’T know about him and that he still wanted to see me, but i felt in regards to his actions and how he was growing even more distant, that he had someone else or that it wouldn’t go any further…so fast forward to now my little hiatus paid off..I’ve been given a salary position that starts in November back home. I’m about to start classes again in January at my dream school and to top it off my mothers job has a special program that allows employees and/or spouses/ children of employees to attend with a 40% tuition discount allowing me to attend ..so it’s like i finally got my head on straight again…

i just wanted to THANK YOU!!!! all of your journal entries just kept me going…and the wisdom from other loyal readers of your blogsite: THE MAN ( i swear that brotha is prolific in mind and doesn’t even know it and the fact that he’s only 21 blows me away), Zen Buddha, Lindo, and etc. I just want to say to you all that NO MATTER how dark it may seem at times, LIGHT will always PREVAIL..GOD BLESS..KEEP LIVING and KEEP fighting in your pursuit of LOVE, LIFE and HAPPINESS!!!!!

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: Thank You/Testimony Letter” →

There Takes A Certain Kind of Straight Wolf To Handle The Foxhole

…and he is completely straight.
see that?
that is class.
that is how a real man responds to jamari fox.
f-bi from left and right emailed me today to alert me he shouted me out.
at first i was nervous,
but when i peeped it,
i was absolutely flattered.
see when i write about a wolf,
usually everyone takes notice.
i didn’t realize that my site is pretty known in these streets.
men and women tune in to see what (or who) i’m talking about.
honestly speaking,
the wolves i write about are straight (or until proven otherwise).
i simply appreciate the male body and what it looks like sculpted.
there are a select few who appreciate the love,
but the rest think muhfuckas trying to rape them out here.

like get all the way over yourself.
thank you omarion for appreciating what i do.
your kind words made me day!
now…
whose next?

It Came All Over Me This Morning (Blessed)

ya know…
i was sitting in church today and something came over me.
something that felt like it was about to burst out my tear ducts.
yes.
i know.
i am very emotional for whatever reason.
i needed to share it with the foxhole…
Continue reading “It Came All Over Me This Morning (Blessed)” →

f0xmail: Thank U Letter (3)

FOXMAIL

Hi Jamari,

Been busy at work lately so haven’t had the chance to comment as I would like too, but I’ve definitely been reading daily. I just read your entry “Everything Seems so Perfect in the Snow” when i got to work and it just struck a cord with me. You see, I’ve met a guy and I think I’m falling in love for the first time. You’re the only gay friend I have lol so I hope you don’t mind me randomly telling you about it. Anyway, he’s not perfect. No six pack or big muscles, but cute and most of all treats me like I’ve never been treated before. Everyday he tells me how much I mean to him and that he loves me. The other day he had me crying with the things he was saying to me. I NEVER do that. I’m not the type of person that can be vulnerable in front of someone. He also loves God and stays in church. He’s not perfect by far, but he’s everything I honestly could ask for. And the thing you said in the post about the two guys kissing….I’ve have never been kissed like this guy kisses me. The other dudes I had been with made me not even like kissing. They made me think I was bad at it. Turns out, they just all sucked at it lol. And just to throw something in there, this guy is a genuine FREAK. We haven’t had sex yet and he said he will wait as long as I want, but with the way he talks to me sometimes that wont be too much longer! Most importantly, he loves me for exactly who I am. He told me he loved everything about me, and that I didn’t need to change a thing. Now I know I’m an attractive guy, but I still have self esteem issues. However, I never feel self conscious when I’m with him. This is the first guy I’ve been with where I felt I didn’t need to change anything. He works. Has his own place. And wants to buy me food when we go out even though I got to remind him I’m still a man and can hold my own. This guy has touched me life in a special way in a short period of time.

The reason I’m saying all this is because I was about to give up on finding someone. I was coming to the realization that I would just be alone with some hookups in between. After all, I had been alone a long time and had gotten used to it. This guy has shown me that doesn’t have to be so. Now, who knows, we may not make it, but at least I know I’ve experienced love and I could find it again. But I feel this guy is the one. I’m telling you this because I was getting apathetic about love but it found me when I was least expecting it. When I needed someone the most, this guy came into my life.

I’m telling you J, if it happened for me, I know it will happen for you. Although I’ve never talked to you or laid eyes on you I know that you are a great person, and you deserve a great person. He will come along. Man, I can’t even explain how much reading your blog has helped me. All those months when I was sitting at home, out of work, depressed, struggling with my sexuality, reading your posts was a godsend. I really feel a part of this community even though I don’t know you or the other commenters personally. We are all kind of like brothers in the struggle. I’ve really learned so much about this lifestyle. I’ve learned that everyone in this life is not some caricature. I’ve learned being gay does not make me less of a man. You are a special person Jamari, and God touched my heart this morning and made me sit down and right this to you. Keep your head up. Keep doing your thing. Don’t ever give up or get discouraged (even when that bitch at work is trying you lol). Most of all, don’t feel that you have to compromise your standards to have someone. I can tell you have a lot to give and for that, a man needs to be prepared to give you a lot. At the same time, be open enough to get to know a guy that may not fit all your physical or stylistic ideals. I gave this guy a chance when the old me might have just passed on him and its really been worth it.

Take care